Whoosh

 It was a funny old day. I had a hair appointment at 10am and I made it by 2.20pm. It was that kind of day.

Beautiful Steve was there, getting his hair straightened. Those eyes! Those amazing eyes! The most beautiful eyes I've ever seen on a man. Piercing. Blue – Italian boys with blue eyes, yum! Dark circles around the edge of the iris, paler blue within those rings. Just beautiful. Bedroom eyes.

I bought five T-shirts impulsively, on the way back. All black. I didn't even check if they were all made from natural fibres, before I bought them. I still haven't. Throw caution to the wind, Christian! No, I did, of course I did. Are you crazy? 

I hired six videos. Lie With Me. (Eric Balfour) Denial (Cutie pants Andrew Scott) Rumour Has It (Jennifer Aniston and Shirley MacLeane to lighten the mood) Alfie. (Jude Law and I were married and living together by the time the film finished) I watched four and somehow the day progressed from dusk to now. Funny about that.

I ate dolmades and two pork rolls. I drank pineapple juice and Agrum and percolated coffee, which was bitter sweet.

Nobody called. Nobody cared. I didn’t care, that nobody cared, I’m good with solitude. I wrapped myself in my orange blanket. The open fire burned steadily. That quiet stillness of the big night before, bleeding just a little into the calm after the storm of the next day. I didn’t need anything, everything I had wanted, I had ingested, and it was slowly percolating its way through my blood stream in a rather comforting way.

Actually, Mark called this morning. I don't think he picked how out of it I was.

Manny called too, sometime in the night. He said it was 9.15 and I should be home. Why wasn't I home? He wanted me to go over, if I had a car, he was horny.

If I had a car? Has he not been listening?

I ate Rocky Road ice cream and dozed through three out of the four movies. (Andrew Scott’s todger may have kept me awake) My film tastes were heavy, with a couple of other American art house films that escape me now, that I didn’t watch. I was glad that I got a Jennifer Aniston, Shirley McLean movie to lighten the mood. Crap American romantic comedies do have their place – when you are too drug fucked to understand the subtext.

"I've been asked to discourage people from smoking."

"Screw you!" (who else delivers a line like Shirley MacLaine?)

"Grandma?"

Katharine Richelieu (played by Shirley MacLaine) tells a guest "Screw you!". When another character tells her she can't smoke, she fires back with that exact line before demanding an ashtray. Katharine chain-smokes throughout the entire film.

Now I don't know if it is night or day, although the dark framed by the window somewhat gives it away. If only I could focus.

I haven't cried yet, I guess that is to come. (Or is that really only with LSD?)

Repeat after me children, Drugs are good. Er? Probably not as bad as 'they' say they are, but it is true, you have to have your wits about you, yes, sure. It is a fine line between success and failure. Let me say, arguably, they are probably not as bad as the system built up around them, you know, the failed war on. Legalise them already and re-direct all the policing money into medical. 

I sure wish I had some pot. I'm amazed that I haven't wanted a cigarette. How many weeks is it? Four or five? How many cigarettes have I not had? 840 or 1050, depending on how many weeks I'm going with? It's pretty good no matter which number of weeks I use.

Missy lies on my foot and goes to sleep and all is right with the world.

And, having said all of that, as I sit here on my couch wrapped up in my orange woolly blanket, as the day comes to an end, there is only one thing left to say.

C'est la Vie

John's in love with Joan

Joan's in love with Jim

Jim's in love with someone

Who's not in love with him

What was meant to be, must be

C'est la vie, c'est la vie

Life's a funny thing

When it comes to love

You don't always conquer

The one you're dreaming of

As they say in old Paree

C'est la vie, c'est la vie

Those who fall in love agree

It's the unsolved mystery

If your big romance cannot be

You'll find someone new, cherie

There goes happy Joe

What a lucky guy

He just found a sweetheart

But no one's gonna cry

Tho' he stole her love from me

C'est la vie, c'est la vie

- Sarah Vaughan