I Had a Piss and Turned Everything Off

8am
What a lovely, sunny day, I think, as I sit on my balcony and drink my coffee and watch all the people heading to work. Ah, the sunshine!
The sun is so bright I can hardly see the screen of my lap-top, so much for writing in the fresh air. But the breeze is lovely and fresh and cool and fragrant.

8.30am
I am smoking a joint, hidden away up here on my balcony out of sight. It gives me a perverse pleasure to think that the punters heading to the salt mines may give a faint hint of it and wonder if they imagined it, or wondered where it came from? Wondered if they were working too hard and imagining things?

Shane is in the bathroom at 9.15, gasping for air and splashing water, sounding like he is trying to revive himself, talking to himself the whole time. I'm sure that is new.

Despite my desires for the opposite, I have done a couple of j's by this stage. I always think a good hit is advisable first up, life isn't for pussies, after all.

9.30.
I make more coffee and eat bananas for breakfast. Aren’t we all pleased that bananas are back in the realms of the affordable. Bananas, we have missed you. Welcome back!

I give one of the gay movies, 200American, another go, as I head back to bed, eating more bananas, suddenly feeling relaxed. Busy day. Isn't this how half the women spent there days in the 50's and 60's in  middle America? I think I approve, even if no good can come of it.

10.24.
I am contemplating another joint, you know me. Intermission. Time to brew more coffee. Sam would be chastising me for my blatant piggery.
I think of Luke and how cool a pot smoker he is. He has a morning choof, a lunchtime choof and an afternoon choof. I wish I had as much class as that.
I drink my second pot of coffee.

Oh what's that? A... a what... looking for a job? You ask? I laugh at you. I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe, if I just ignore it, it will go away.
You know, several of my friends have said something about me retiring, just lately, like they mean it.

I wrote dirty stories all afternoon. The movie was still rubbish. I'm not getting anything finished yet. I don't know why, I've been writing.

I replaced dinner with a Rapid Loss Meal Replacement Shakes.
Oh yes, I'm doing Rapid Loss shakes, for all those lunches and dinners where I'm only buying take away anyway, it can't be bad. If I am moving less, and I am, I should, consume less, pure logic.

I went to bed early, Shane came home late. I didn’t see him, only for a cameo at the fridge, brownie, brownie, brownie, when I sneaked down, trying to be as quiet as a mouse. Go unnoticed, even.

I passed out some time after 9pm, naturally. In bed. Warm. Snuggled up in my doona, soothing television on my big screen teli, my laptop on my lap writing, tea... heating me up more.

I woke at 3am, tilted sideways, the tap top tilted sideways in the opposite direction, with a very chatty infomercial talking at me.
"Kill me now."

I had a piss and turned everything off.