Why Are We Still Hearing About the ADF Drama?

Why are we still hearing about the ADF drama? Goodness me, so a few boys acted like boys and filmed some girl getting stooped by one of their own, broadcasting it to the select few perverts who were in on the act, it’s hardly earth shattering stuff. I don’t mean to lessen what they did, invasion of privacy and all that, but why does it have to be the focal point of the news for days and days and days and days? Couldn’t this have been dealt with by the respective powers that be? I mean, it’s hardly new, now is it? Dirty little boys doing stupid, ridiculous things, like they always have and probably always will.

Then it dawned on me. Of course! I can almost guarantee that the minister, Stephen Smith, was told to go hard on this, by the upper echelons of the Labour Party, to take all the heat off the government's unpopular Carbon Tax.

It's the equivalent of the Tampa chugging into Labour's muddied political waters.

It makes perfect sense.

So, really, has this girl had her case taken up by govt ministers who really care, or is she being used further as a pawn in someone else's dirty game?

Gone To The Country

Gone to the country, escaping the city - the clogged arteries and the crowded veins, the network choked, modern roads. 

You know, if it's not the tourists, (visitors to the inner suburbs) it's the traffic they create. And those fucking cafe tables clogging the footpath. Over run suburbs with sightseers. 

Slipping away on a wave of enthusiasm, shaking off the city's cynicism for the fresh, open spaces and the crystal clear air of rolling paddocks as far as the eye can see. Breath it in, taste its sweetness.

I love it when I hit the Calder highway, just after the airport turn off, it signals the shaking off the city and heading out into the big, open planes. Peace is in sight, calm and wonder beckon. Whoosh and I am away.

Run away, run away.

Actually, it is run to, run to.

Run quickly to.

He was also very keen to get down to it, as the sun was coming up already

New Toys To Keep Up To Date With

Here I am on my new iPad, sitting on the couch with it on my knee.

Lovely.

I'm guessing I will get used to it, but it all seems very awkward and small. I'm used to a 21 cm monitor and a full keyboard, but I can put this in my briefcase and head off to work... yay.

That's the deal, that's the trade off for an undersized keyboard and a tiny screen...they say. Portability.

I can hook on to any one's available network. I didn't get 3G, because I think that's what "they" want you to do. You know it's not the revolutionary new amazing products that are the focal point here, no siree Bob! It's the monthly bill that "they" can attach you to... forever.

Suddenly, I seem to have giant hands, bigger than the screen. Ah!

I'm in the land of Zorb, I'm getting bigger and bigger and everything around me is shrinking... the intellect of the human race and all. Where will this stop? Where? When we are ginormous retards... oh... yes... already there...

... you know, when the master race of cockroaches looks back at this era they'll call us the fat and stupids.

Jesus Christ! Not sex!

A female cadet says she was unknowingly broadcast on Skype having consensual sex with another first-year army cadet.

The encounter was watched by approx six other cadets, she said.

Why is this even a scandal? Oh please. Boys behaving badly. Why have we even heard about it?

Nothing really terrible happened it's only sex, yeah, sure, some guys perved on you, but...  A third of the world can't access clean water, while a huge number of people are starving. People live in war zones and are dealing with, actual, death every day.

You only felt like you might die,

So, someone saw your tits and some boy sticking it to you. (I presume it was a boy?) Not really a national scandal, in my book. You'll live.

You know, I blame these conservative christian woman's groups who keep their dirty little christian back ground hidden by calling themselves The Woman's Network or Collective Something, all the time spreading outdated moralising and unwanted Christian messages by stealth, until, you know, anything dealing with "sex" is almost considered a taboo.

AH! Don't mention the S word.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure it isn't a nice thing to have happen, but it is not a scandal. It is not something that the whole of Australia needs to know about, or have an opinion about it. There are far more important things, really.

Those boys should be dealt with by the army, presumably they would be kicked out.

There Has to be a Minimum Level

I, for one, would be very happy for all of my tax dollars to go towards welfare payments, specifically dole payments. Is there a box somewhere on your tax return to tick?

I'm happy for people to live on the dole, Australia is a rich country and we can afford it. I'm happy for there to be a safety net for society.

I just thought I'd say that, while Tony Abbot is speaking for the whole of Australia.

Let's face it, there are many shitty reasons why people are on the dole, it's like compensation for the fucked up things that have happened in peoples lives to make them have to live on one hundred and fifty dollars a week. It's a way of evening out the wealth, even in a small way.

It just doesn't gell as a policy, having people who earn two hundred thousand a year kicking the poor and disadvantaged around to win political points.

It's the evil of free markets, people's lives are only worth while when they work for the minimum wage, to grow the economy, to put the food on the tables of millionaires, ultimately.

Bottom of the Gene Pool?

I don't know what all the fuss was about with the woman who drove her car off the top of a six story building and lived. It's just about natural selection, isn't it... or at least should have been, you know, if she'd been selected. I guess, not so naturally, hey?

A car. A six story building. If you have someone who will drive a car off the top, accidentally or not, do you really want them to survive?

I mean, you've got to wonder.

Really?

I guess I'll get my karmic comeuppance, for those thoughts.

But it's still survival of the fittest, isn't it?

"You drove a car off a six story building," says God at the pearly gates. "What did you expect would happen?"

I imagine God speaks with a stutter, not sure why, as he rests his big doughy chin on the back of his hand and raises his eyebrows.

“You know, the day in question was not a good day for me,” says this genius. She scratches the top of her flat head.

“Clearly,” says God.

I Thought That Was Nice

Mark says that Sam and I fascinate each other. I thought that was nice. He observed us over the weekend at Bolago.

The weather was gorgeous, blue sky, golden sun.

I spent the weekend, pulling weeds. I put Sam to work, next to me. He doesn’t like dirt, or soil, it scares him what creepy crawlies might be in it. Baby. 

But, to his credit, he worked and didn't try to slack off.

He was bemused by my hourly tea breaks.

He was unhappy about my jokes about snakes.

We laughed. Drank tea. Pulled blackberries, piles of blackberries. "Ouch, sweetie." We were constantly emptying wheelbarrows. good thing we've got a hundred aches and a million trees to hide it behind.

I rolled joints... well, you've got to relax and be in the mood. It's the only time now that I partake, up the country (spoken with a Queensland twang). My friends think I'm wicked introducing Sam to dope, a nice clean living lad, before he met me. I tell them he is an adult... roll my eyes and sigh.

Secretly, I harbour a slight pang about it. But, he’s never turned it down. He says that is all going to change. We’ll see.

Warning Signing Ourselves into Oblivion

Hands up who thinks we are "warning signing" ourselves into oblivion? You can't fart without a warning sign popping out of your arse first.

Everything has a warning sign attached to it now, just to further enhance the climate of fear that we all now live in.

I think we are missing an opportunity here. For instance, toasters should come with a warning sign, Insert Fork Here, it would be a simple and effective way to test the intelligence of the population. You know, no expansive research projects, or studies needed.

Shooting Star

Johnny was a school boy
When he heard his first Beatles song
Love Me Do, I think it was
And from there it didn't take him long
Got himself a guitar
Used to play every night
Now he's in a rock 'n' roll outfit
And everything's alright
Don't you know?

Johnny told his Mama,
"Hey, Mama, I'm goin' away
I'm Gonna hit the big time
Gonna be a big star someday"
Mama came to the door
With a teardrop in her eye
Johnny said, "Don't cry, Mama,
Just smile and wave goodbye"
Don't you know?

Yeah......yeah.....

(Chorus)
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you know
Don't you know
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
And all the world will love you just as long
As long as you are

Johnny made a record
Went straight up to number one
Suddenly everyone loved
To hear him sing his song
Watchin' the world go by
Surprisin' it goes so fast
Johnny looked around him and said,
"Well, I made the big-time at last"
Don't you know?
Don't you know?

(Chorus)
A shooting star

Don't you know that You are a shooting star
Don't you know?
Don't you know that You are a shooting star
And all the world will love you just as long
as long as you are

Johnny died one night, died in his bed
Bottle of whiskey, sleeping tablets by his head
Johnny's life passed him by like a warm summer day
If you listen to the wind you can still hear him play

(chorus)
Don't you know that You are a shooting star
Don't you know?
Don't you know that you are a shooting star
Don't you don't you don't you don't you don't you know
Don't you know that you are a shooting star

Don't you, don't you know that you are a shooting star

I've Always Had a Secret Freecell Addiction

I'm secretly addicted to Freecell. I always have to have one, or two, games when I first turn my computer on, you know, just to warm up. Just a couple. Maybe more. Does that sound outmoded? You know, I should be playing Donkey Kong 78, or Quogg Starship.

I dunno, I just find it relaxing, kind of sets my brain in a certain mode. Ha, ha! And, I can never let a game go once I've started it... gotta finish, gotta finish, gotta gotta finish.

Does that say out of touch dope?



Elizabeth Taylor's Hairdresser

Elizabeth Taylor's hairdresser was FuFi Fondue... how's that for a name?

About a month ago, at the suggestion of her hair stylist, presumably, FuFi Fondue, Elizabeth Taylor decided to place her gold lamé Cleopatra sandals on eBay. They were purchased by a Mexican buyer for $7.2 million.
Not bad for a pair of old sandals.
But I read that old Liz was worth anything up to a billion dollars, so what would she care about 7 odd million, really? I ask you?

She wasn't much of an actress, but goddamn she was beautiful.

 

I'm Going Away for the Weekend

I'm going away for the weekend, up the country, heading out for fresh air. Pot will be smoked, I know. Sam says it is the reason I’m going. It's not, it's beautiful up there. But, I'm worried about my quitting smoking, it's been three days today since I had a cigarette and I already feel fitter and healthier.

I don’t want to smoke. I don’t want to smoke.

I'm sure, I'll smoke pot. I'm sure, I won't be back on the fags. I’m guessing, saying “sure” almost ensures it comes true. So it's a positive affirmation, of sorts.

I'm taking my buddy Anthony, you know the third one of my long lost best friends, the one that's not dead. Damaged, been in rehab, been in the locked away. I'm taking him up to Bolago, for the weekend, for the first time in years. He drinks like a fish, by his own admission, but we'll just be sitting around, so what does it matter.

Be back Monday. 

Dirty Christian

I was singing to Sam, we'll, actually, texting him, the milk milk lemonade around the corner chocolate made song, as I sat on the toilet taking a dump.

He didn't know it.

I was giving it to him complete with appropriate sound effects, so he'd pick it up fast. Actually, it was just a series of texts saying plop, plop, plop at the appropriate moment.

He told me I was disgusting.

Ah, the sanitised world… I told him we were all only one bad diagnosis away from being Ann on Little Britain and rubbing faecal matter all over ourselves.

He sent me back a series of unhappy icons.

I laughed.

When I told him I had it under my fingernails, he baulked.

The things that amuse me sometimes, you know, I've got to wonder.

People falling down…

The world’s fattest twins… the countries ugliest woman… the stupidest parents.

The dumb things people do. You know, I used to want to change the world... but now I just want to sit back and laugh at the stupidity.

Who Should Pay For The Carbon Tax?

I think the people with children should pay for the carbon tax, as they are the ones who have a vested interested in the races survival. Everything is geared towards them, the tax system, the political system, the social system, working families, how many times have I heard that? Let them give something back, for a change after years of favouritism, where they’ve been allowed to breed unchecked.

I personally don't want to pay a carbon tax, hands in the air, as I don't care if the human race survives, or doesn't survive, after I have died, as I don't have children, there’s nothing of me going forward.

And, I think, it will survive relatively the same for my life time, at least.

Until that time, I want my costs to be as small as possible, you know, like everyone else does. Minimum costs, for maximum income.

There is a good argument to be made that the human race won't, and shouldn't, survive, as we haven't made much of a job of it, thus far. At any given point, a third of the world is starving, a third of the world doesn't have access to fresh water, while the other third eats itself to death. At any given point, fifty per cent of the population hates the other fifty percent.

What's the point? What is there to save?

Why should we survive?

One hundred thousand years and there won’t be any trace of us having ever been here, that’s how clever we are.