All Clear

Tom was still here this morning. At least Matt left, from what I can gather, for a few hours. Tom went out to a mates place and took speed and e's, in between the morning and the evening. He tried it on with me, to let Matt come over so he and Matt could continue in the same vein (no pun intended) spending the twilight hours doing more of the same.

Matt can visit, Tom, but I don't want you using the place as your skank-o-rama crash pad.

I thought I was being bloody generous, because I was a bit put out, initially. But then I thought about the two of them living with their parents and thought I could be a little giving.

No, no, I won't impose, said Tom. No, no, I'll respect your boundaries. No, no, I wont treat the place as a crash pad. I'll tell Matt no.

He can come and stay, you know, if it's a normal visit.

Some time later the door bell rang. Tom came to my study door like an excitable teenager, I wonder who that could be?

He's like a fucking teenager, push, push, push, so he can do just what he wants. Still so self-focused, I see Tom. I guess that's what comes from being so sick and living on a pension for so long, it all just comes to you. But when does being sick stop being a reason and start becoming an excuse?

I'm just glad I didn't have to lose five years of my life to cancer treatment.

Speaking of which...

I had my tongue biopsied. I've had a crack in my tongue for a few years. My doctor said not to worry about it, as it caused me no pain, or had any impact. Recently, it kind of opened up into a hole and my doctor kind of looked concerned and asked if it had ever had a biopsy.

No, I said.

I think we should, was his, um, serious answer.

I just decided to go with it, without asking one hundred questions.

Well, anyway, it's not cancer of the tongue, oh no, no, no, it's a fungal infection. My specialist asked,

Have you, by any chance, been using one of those tongue cleaner toothbrushes?

Yes, I said. I started just recently.

Our eyes met. We both knew the answer.

I thought so, said the specialist. Stop using it, that's what's aggravating your tongue now.

I have an eight week treatment plan with lozengers, which taste like chalk and mouth wash, which I

start next week, so I haven't tried it. I'd like cherry, thanks.

It was my first time seeing this guy, so I had to fill out one of those "new patient" forms, on which was the question, Are you considered to be, or are you, in a high risk group for HIV?

I didn't know how to answer this question. My immediate thought was, Isn't everybody now in a high risk group? Am I in a high risk group because I'm gay? Am I in a high risk group because Manny is positive? But, Manny is, practically, nearly, the only guy I've slept with in four years and I have to practice safe sex with him, I have no choice, so would that put me in a low risk group?

I didn't know what the answer was, so I left it blank.

The specialist said the reasons for such fungal infections could be dietary, so he did a blood test. They can be oral hygiene? Or could, indeed, be the result of an impaired immune system.

Nicely bought in, I thought.

Was there any reason for me to believe my immune system could be impaired?

Oh yes, very nicely done, I thought. Ten points to you, my man.

So I explained my difficulty with the question earlier.

He asked if Manny had any oral hygiene problems, due to his impaired immune system, that he could be passing on to me... without losing a beat.

Well, I hadn't thought about that one. But no, I don't think that he has. He's obsessive about such things, usually.

He was pleased I'd stopped smoking. Well, what else is a mouth specialist going to say? Although, it's early days yet, he said, if it's only been a week.

I didn't tell him about the joints, Monday, Sunday and Saturday nights, thank you Nicholas, thank you Luke, thank you Tom. He, he, he. I didn't think it was really necessary.

But, the way he looked at me, when he said early days, it was as if he already knew.