Monday, August 04, 2008

Blush. 'Scue Me Sister





I rubbed my c*ck against the a*se of a nun, on my way home. I thought, that's not something that happens every day.

It was a packed tram. She kept backing back. I had a wall behind me, I was pushing back for all my life, let me tell you.

She didn't stop, she kept coming.

Ah! There you go!

I tried to catch her eye later, when the tram had thinned out, after the CBD, to see if she had a half smirk. Haha. Just a hint and a momentary glint in her eye, but she didn't look at me, too busy with, what looked like, orphans.

 

 


Sunday, August 03, 2008

Water on Mars

They have found water on Mars. Now, why wasn't that headline news?

What do we get instead? News polls.

Don't you just love those newspaper polls?

"Do you think binge drinking is out of control in Melbourne?"

Well, of course they do Herald Sun, you've been telling them for months that it is. They'd probably jump off a cliff, if you told them to.

Weekend football

 


Love the cuddly ones


Boys Night Out (alternate ending)




We were all out together, late, celebrating another friend’s birthday. We’d danced. We’d drunk. We’d laughed. At around 2am, I wanted to leave. The others had left earlier, somehow I felt free as a bird. So I stayed out late on a puff on tina, maybe a few puffs and I picked up a drunk straight boy, Andre. A friend in my group of friends. I had a vague thought about Club 80, but, kind of knew, once I got home, a joint, I wouldn’t venture out again.

Andre and I knew each other kind of well. It was only because of locality that we were thrust together; he lives in Carlton, we decided to share a taxi.

Andre’s cute, sexy really. Strawberry blond hair, blue eyes, athletic, lean, muscular. He had on an acubra and a black singlet. His face was in shadow under the peak, as he smiled at me bleary-eyed in the back of the taxi. We’d all done drugs, we were messy.

He used to smile when I checked out his sizeable bulge on the dance floor; dance away, float on the music. He's got solid thighs that fame a bulge worth looking at.

“What are you like, drunk,” I said. He looked so funny, eyes half closed, grinning, flushed red, sweating.

He laughed. “I become a bit of an exhibitionist,” he said. He’d misunderstood the question, but the answer was interesting.

Andre was one of the fringe straight boys of our group. He’d started off as a school buddy of one of the gay boys. He screwed one of our girlfriends’, for a time. A Greek girl, before she headed back to the homeland for good, never to be seen again. They’d had an on again off again relationship, which lasted long enough for Andre to endear himself into our group without too many problems.

He looked sexy.

“Do drugs make you horny?” I asked. My confidence was up.

He smiled self consciously and pushed down on his lap, subconsciously, and laughed. “All I need now is a joint and he’d be talking to me.” He looked down at his crotch, then looked back at me and raised his eyebrows, as if to say, you know what I mean.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve got pot.”

"Sweet."

The taxi stopped in front of my place. Andre gave the taxi driver a bunch of notes and then got out with me. The taxi drove away.

I looked through my keys, more by feel than by sight. It was dark.

"So, is this what it's like?"

"What?" I said. I flicked the keys through my fingers, not really concentrating on Andre.

"To pick up another guy," said Andre. "Take him home. Get to his place."

I found my key.

"The anticipation?"

I headed to the gate. "Usually, we'd be stealing looks at each other, at this stage." I looked back "You know, make sure you picked right." I took him in with a long gaze. "Weren't too drunk, too out of it, whatever."

I pushed the gate, it squeaked. The hibiscus stroked the top of my head. "Duck," I whispered. I stepped to the door and dropped my keys, just as I went to push them into the lock.

"Fuck," I said.

"Dropped your keys, mate?" he slurred. Then he giggled that drunk boy giggle.

My fingers caught the ring of metal, by my foot. The front door key has a plastic trim thing, just for such occasions. It's fatter and curvy. I held it tight between my fingers.


Just one lamp was on. The fire was still burning. I threw some more wood on, some smaller bits to make it burn. I got the mull bowl and sat down with it on the big couch. Andre was unsteady on his feet. He stood in front of the fire, naturally.

"So the big gay house, hey?"

"The big gay house," I said. I reached for cigarettes. "I haven't heard it referred to as that for a while." The (ex)party house still had a reputation in some parts. I licked the edge of the cigarette and it fell apart.

"All you guys were out tonight," said Andre. "That's a rarity."

I didn't think that was true. I pulled a bud from the bag. Shane was out more, than David or me, but we were out often enough. "All toey, I guess," I said. I looked up, as I started to grind the mix, gazing at Andre's jeans. I looked up.

He smiled. "Shane picked up."

"Matt." I smiled back. The mix was done, I put the grinder down.

"Well, David did?"

"Maybe?" I picked one of Shane's old business cards and the red scissors. "He said he wasn't coming home. Staying with a friend." I cut the roach. "Maybe?" I rolled the thin strip of card up and slid it into the rolling machine.

Andre's eyes were half closed. He bounced on the balls of his feet. Click. A perfectly cylindrical joint rolled out of the top of the rolling machine.

"Sure wish I picked up, speaking of toey." he rubbed his hands down his thighs, as though he wanted to be rubbing something else.

I handed him the joint in one hand and a lighter in the other.

"I've got porn. David's not home. I can tell you he'd love you to jack off in his bed."

Andre lit the joint and inhaled deeply. He inhaled a second time.

"That's the best offer." He exhaled in a balloon of smoke. "I've had all night," said Andre. He sucked on the joint twice more, before he handed it back to me.

He rotated in front of the fire. Nice chunky arse. his jeans fitted him well. Well defined crack up the middle.

"Relieve the tension," I said.

Both his hands slid in front of him.

"Guys who don't jack off are like girls on the rag. They get moody and bitchy," said Andre. "I know I do, if it's been a few days."

He squeezed his shoulders together and pushed his arms straight gown in front of him.

"Gay or straight," I said.

He rotated back to face me, clasping his hands behind him.

"If you say you don't wank you're a liar," said Andre. "A fool if you say that you do."

I could see his cock out to the left in the front of his pants.

"Why? Because somebody will want to touch it?" I said.

He slid his hands in front of him, intertwining his fingers.

"I can't imagine any dude who does not masturbate." He pushed his hands against the front of his jeans. "I don't care how much sex they get, guys are still going do it, cause there is something special about jerking off." said Andre. "You can totally control the pleasure, you can fantasize about that dude you saw at the mall, or that babe you want to fuck, whatever. It's just a major part of EVERY guys sex life." He smiled. "I mean why the hell would anyone deprive themselves of man's greatest pastime?"

He had a big, sexy grin on his face. I was getting turned on. I wanted to say, go on then.

I handed him the joint. I'm sure the bulge in his pants was getting bigger, as he took the joint. He put it to his lips and looked down his front, as he inhaled. He leant back against the mantle piece and exhaled the smoke towards the ceiling, pointing his crotch out. I lay back in the couch. His jeans were definitely fuller. He watched me gazing at his crotch, with that flushed, expectant look on his face.

He handed the joint back to me.

"So, what now?" he said in a husky voice. He cleared his throat, holding my gaze.

He held the joint out to me. A dragged hard and lay my head against the back of the couch."I dunno. I'm fucked." All I wanted to do was suck Andre's cock. Hey, I'm only human.

My neck felt good, all of a sudden, with the weight of my head taken away. I could have just closed my eyes and drifted off.

"You know, my shin really hurts," said Andre. "Where I banged it."

He tried to pull the leg of his jeans up, but couldn't. The next thing he had his jeans around his ankles. Pale blue Y-fronts. Muscled legs.

I nearly laughed. Kind of a nervous reaction. I stuffed the joint in my mouth and drew in long and hard. I didn't know what to say. It seemed like such a cliché.

"You got any detol?" He had blood on his right shin.

I got detol water and cotton wool things. Andrea sat on the coffee table. His jocks kind of loose. His cock lay down and to the right. I took the back of his calf with my hand, it was warm and thick, muscular, smooth and pulled his leg forward and bathed the graze. He flinched and inhaled. I gazed down his thighs to his legs disappearing into his underwear. I dabbed the wound. His balls pushed out the blue cotton, big and round. His cock pushed at the material, round like a cransky sausage.

"Oh," he moaned.

"Sorry," I said. I could feel the warmth of his body near mine. "I don't think you need a bandage." Once cleaned, he had just a red mark on his skin.

"Thanks."

"Done," I said.

He stood up in front of me. I could smell his sweat. I sat back on the carpet and freely gazed at the tasty bulge in his briefs. He looked at me through his peripheral vision, all the time pretending to be looking at his damaged shin.

He pulled his jeans up. "Feels better."


Saturday, August 02, 2008

Oh, Saturday Morning





We got shit-faced on sake, wine, pot and valium - our German house guest, L, handed them around. You should have seen David's eyes light up, his students would be surprised. I think Sebastian was responsible for the sake. L then passed some hi-tech phone around with a video of him masturbating for his Italian boyfriend, which he was just about to send to him. Shane said he felt soiled, but David wanted L to get it out there and then so he could inspect L's foreskin. Mark W. was very pissed and flung things off the coffee table towards the fire, until he was reprimanded. Actually, by me.

"Christian, you say don't throw things in the fire, as if I'd, actually, do it."

"Mark, you said it like you, actually, would."

I'd like to think Mark W. and I flirt, but I have no idea what he thinks.

Mark's on probation, Mark W. and Matt usually have to be kept separate, can't be in the same room, they don't play well together. (Mark blames Matt for the breakup. Matt thinks Mark W. should move on and leave Shane alone) Shane's starting to mix them, so Mark W. isn't feeling like he is left out quite so often. We talked. We laughed.

Mark W had to be encouraged to leave. Sebastian had clearly had enough of Mark's antics when he said he was leaving and Mark W. asked him if he'd drive him home. "Um... er... okay, I guess, " said Sebastian. David went to bed first. Matt went to see a man about a dog, actually, something about music he is remixing for someone. L, who now lives in quiet old Brisbane, with his husband, didn't want to got to sleep as he was having more fun than he could remember when, but had to meet with a bunch of Christians this morning. I know, shudder! It's some study L is doing.

Shane and I settled in with the mull bowl and the carafe to watch Will & Grace, season six and season seven.

I woke to the cold of the dead open fire, a black TV and a shiver, as though someone had just walked over my grave, to see Shane looking at me with a screwed up face.

"I'm going t..." Shane got up and tripped over the corner of the coffee table.

"It's...um... 6.30am." I was trying to focus on my, overly, bright mobile phone. I had to close one eye to see.

"Jesus, fuck!" and Shane was gone.


Matt appeared at the door. "I'm glad you two are awake... I didn't know what I was going to do."

"What have you been..."

"I've been dancing with the guys under the lights." He raised his hands over his head and grooved to himself.

"Who?"

He told me, I didn't recognise the name. The big job he's got. He'd told me. I'd forgot. I think he looked hurt, but wasn't sure if that was the sake, wine, pot or valium clouding my judgement.

He seemed to be very active, alert, up and on.


I'm supposed to be taking my mother shopping, this morning. Oh, the pain!

There is nothing cuter than a cat yawning.

 

Friday, August 01, 2008

Lauri said, If the python scared you

I'm Going to Miss P.T.

Brunswick Street boy was, on the tram, all dressed in black. We got on at the same stop and stood in the doorway of the crowded tram. He's an ugly cute. How he fills those pants, though... The Italian brothers have it. You just know what's in there, I think, as I look down. His gaze follows mine. He smiles awkwardly, as my eyes come back up to his. Quizzical. He turns his head to the side and tries to stop a smile spreading across his face, but it spreads none the less. He pulls his body back, as if to say I now know the score. My eyes slide back down to what his mummy gave him as a boy – bunched between his legs, pushing out with more than my imagination. Pushed to the left, lying sideways like a Kransky sausage, covered in worn, black denim. He's blushing, when I look back up – soft, pink, smile. Coy. If I lean forward the 30 centimetres between us and touch it, would you stop me? my smile says.

I think I'd let you, if you didn't tell anyone, his nervous eyes, reply.

I'd make you cum my gaze says.

I want to cum with you, his return stare says.

He has a set of eyes on him, though, deep like pools. You could swim in them, feel them lap at your face, wet your mouth, have them flow down your chest, fill your cupped hands with longing, as his lips, shiny and wet, touch mine..

Pull his shirt over his head, watch his face change from questioning to acceptance, at the first flush of his bare skin. Smooth. Warm. Feel him squirm. Feel him leaven with desire. Reciprocate. The rest of the world fades to black, as my hands slide onto him, warm, soft, dark and hairy.

How warm would his skin be to the touch?


"Excuse me!" says an impatient voice.

A mouse-coloured, rat-faced receptionist standing to my left with a cat’s arse under her nose, is glaring at me. I want to laugh, ask her what the stink is, that has made her face contort so, but she isn't entertaining anything other than her selfish needs. The skin is so tight on her face, fixed in a grimace, I want to touch it with my finger tips. Pointy nose. Pointy chin. She has a waxy, beige sheen. Her eye brows raise and her head tilts sideways. Clearly, I haven't got out of missy's way fast enough. "Exca'use me!" she says again, sighing and rolling her beady eyes. "I would like to be able to get off the tram."

I look over at Brunswick Street Boy, he smiles and looks to the ground.

"Where's the fire?" I ask.

"You are standing in the doorway... after all!" she says, as if exasperated. I think she is too young to be dotting her i's and crossing her t's in quite such a clipped, school maamish way.

"The tram hasn't even stopped, yet," I say. At which point, the tram suddenly puts on the brakes and Rat-faced Receptionist plummets head first into Brunswick Street Boy, who is gallant enough to catch her. I would like to think I would have stepped out of her way precisely at that moment, if I could have thought about it and it wasn’t an instinctual move. She catches me laughing, as she folds herself out into an upright position again.

"You think that is funny," she says spraying on the F, as her lips stick to her teeth, as her eyes turn into balloons.

"I'm not longer in your way," I say. I smile.

She does not.

 

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Olive (the) Python

Back to the Saltmines

The irony is that I had a worse head ache today than I did yesterday - as I didn't, actually, have one yesterday. What the? Hurting behind my eyes, annoyingly so. And, I am out of mersyndol, too. Great! I guess I've got to go to work with pain with no relief. Life is sooooo unkind. Everybody should get relief.

After I had left, yesterday, my work colleagues thought they could smell gas in the office, so they called in the maintenance man. They decided that was probably the reason for my headache, that I was, seemingly, overcome by toxic chemicals, of some sort. Ha, ha!

Everybody was asking me if I was all right, when I got there today. Everyone was asking if I felt okay.

I do lead a, somewhat, charmed life. Where yesterday's head-home was just a stomp out the door, the universe acted to give me an alibi for my lie. Not that I needed one, but there you are, I had one anyway.

 

He's Just Beautiful





He stood in front of me in the black jocks I'd bought him. Sexy as. Just beautiful.

"New jocks make me horny," he said, as we started to kiss.

I couldn't help myself and I had my hands in his new briefs in no time. He'd made a mess in them in no time after that.

Sexy boy.


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Another Sickie





I felt like a joint and felt like not being at work, so I pulled a migraine and went home, around lunch time. I just suddenly felt antsy at the thought of sitting there all afternoon. I didn't even try for any pretence. I've got a head ache, I'm going home.

David and I had a laugh about it. "To tell you the truth, I felt like pot and not work." I tried to call Shane, as David was threatening to tell him that I'd skipped school for a joint, but David called first and got a rather dour Shane saying, "I’m in a meeting, is it important?" on the other end, which, somehow, seemed funnier than David telling him anything. David & I both broke up laughing.

"What the hell was with you too?" said Shane when he got home.

I had a little nap for the afternoon.


Blue-Blooded Barbie Doll






I sometimes look around the lift in the mornings and think, cunts, every one of you. Often, it's just me and the girls, all shorter than me, like being buried up to my neck in sand. Regularly, I am the only male in a lift full of females, all clutching their bags, all gazing up at the floor numbers, with a thick, fresh face on - spak filled and lacquered. I think my cock retracts at the thought, realisation, observation xx the stronger sex - feeling like a pelvic floor exercise as the turtle retreats back into his shell. (Even red-blooded boys do - they may not want to fuck us, but they sure want a healthy dose of Y around to remind them of their pack. Boys like boys around them. It's true. Mates. Buddies. Give us a hug!) How many pelvic floor exercises does it take to make a man grow a clitoris?

I cast my eye around the lift and wonder how many have a little spoof burn at the backs of their throats, from the mornings au voir, or have a wet itch in their lingerie, from frisky boyfriends who just couldn't be dissuaded? All those beavers tucked away behind lace and nylon; pink, lemon and white. Sprayed and dusted; lavender, musk and orange blossom. Plucked and manicured; poked at and pushed at to be perky.
I glanced up at the floor numbers changing slowly on the green digital display and breathed in deeply, holding it on full breath.

The longer I stayed in that lift with those woman, the closer I became to being a Barbie doll, all smooth down there.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

See ya






There is a guy at work who suffers from clinical depression. Last week, he had a bit of a melt down, at work and had to be sent home. There he was crying, sitting on the floor, by the lifts, when I got to work. All he needed was a big nappy to complete the picture. Now he's off on a few weeks of stress leave.

Today, I found out, that he has been scaring some of the girls, of late, by looking at guns on the internet. Yay!

Guns? What the? He's a nice guy, I like him. But, I hope I'm gone before he comes back, to tell you the truth. I'm hoping that he is off on quite a few weeks stress leave.

The Pencil...

Little Margaret Mary was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Margaret Mary, who created the universe?'

When Margaret Mary didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Margaret Mary.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Margaret Mary,

'Who is our Lord and Saviour?'

But Margaret Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Margaret Mary in the butt with the pencil.

Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Margaret Mary and the Nun once again said,'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question. 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Margaret Mary jumped up and shouted,

'If you stick that fucking thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.


Monday, July 28, 2008

KISS
THIS
Mr Kennett!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sunday Sunday

I decided to build a fire, it is a cold, wet Sunday. The red wood woodpile looks beautiful wet and glowing orange and red, like a beautiful sunset, or driftwood. Flames. Or molten, amber glass. I think there was even steam. It seemed such a pity to burn any of it. But the ground was freezing and I had gone out there with no shoes on, what was I thinking? It was like standing on ice, as I admired the hues of the lumber, jumping from one foot to the other.

Toes commencing sensory shut down. Balls of feet freezing over.

A lazy day at home. Washing. Writing. Looking at a few blogs.

Max still hasn't made contact. Grrrr! And I've smoked the entire packet of mixing cigarettes I bought in anticipation. Rats! How quickly it all slides down the toilet.

I love rainy Sundays, they are some how soul satisfying. Hopeful in their quiet reassurance. A pause. Stop. Maybe, they take me back to childhood. Maybe, they are unpressured in their very nature, nothing has to get done, other than sustenance and warmth. Like being in the womb? The day the pressure is let out of the balloon, if just for a moment.


Some hours later...

Max called. Crisis over.

Swagger. Black hair. Big, brown eyes. Cheeky smile. Confidence for days. Nothing is a problem. Turns up when he turns up, no excuses. "I got caught up with Stella and her brother George." He pulls his hands back towards his crotch, several times. "Friday night." Smiles. Handsome. Flawless, olive skin. The whites of his eyes glow, seemingly, with his smile, as he winks his goodbye.


Who wouldn't have sex with Josh Lawson? Thank God you're here, I'd say to him.

I realised that I could, actually, run my life from my bedroom, judging from this weekend, such is the state of my social life.

 

Saturday, July 26, 2008

And Rugby Players





The Rest of Saturday

I took my mum to the movies. It was either Batman, which I wanted to see, The Savages, which David and Margaret gave good reviews to, or Mama Mia, thinking mum might like it. Mum said she'd be fine with Batman, but some how I didn't think it was, really, her kind of movie. The Savages won, it was the first movie to start after I got to her place. A discerning film goer, I realise. It was okay. Bleak, might be a good word to describe it. Interesting, maybe? And funny, black. It made me laugh out loud. Dark, though. It's about a brother and sister, who have to take on the care of their father with dementia. It was a bit like playing Airport 79 as in-flight entertainment, though, as my mother has the beginnings of alzheimers.

Followed by a home cooked "early tea." - chops, 3 veg, ice cream, chocolate biscuits for days, pot of tea.

The day was overcast, the traffic busy. The rain was just starting to sprinkle to the ground. I hot-footed it home. I felt like driving fast, not sure why? Maybe, it was the dim lit afternoon?

I wasted the rest of the day on You Tube. Zap. Gone. Patti Labelle, Some where over the rainbow, Live Aid 1985, do yourself a favour, one of the greatest vocal performances ever. Chaka Khan, Whitney Houston. Enrique Iglesias singing to a gay fan, in London. Very cute. Gay Chicken. Straight boys doing gay for pay. Some young gay guy, Prophet something, really engaging. Coming out stories. The day was over. Fuck me, I thought, as I watched the clock tick nearly over to Sunday. How did that happen? That would be like 6 hours.

Oh yes, I ran out of pot and started smoking cigarettes again. Weak as fucking piss, I also realise. Max never answered - I'll smack his hot, Greek arse for him... I was texting him as I was saying good bye to my mum. Nice, huh. I even made some comment about getting petrol - before I realised what I was doing, I swear - and I scored fifty bucks out of her. I won't need to buy petrol before I see her again, I knew that as the words fell out of my mouth.

That's it. Good night. Saturday night, into bed by midnight. I'm going to have to seriously re-prioritise my life. 


Hey, it's Saturday. 9am Means Shit!

I could go and work as a writer in Cambodia, on a newspaper. Luke met up with the editor, who is crying out for writers. Luke just text me. All I'd have to do is turn up, pretty much. It's really tempting. Even if I did it for a year, it would be fantastic. A year in Phnom Penh would have to be amazing, even if Luke, pretty much, hated it. It would be pushing the boundaries, you have to say that. Something to open my eyes... and not just choosing the safe option, all the time.

What is it with cats? Do they have some sort of perverse sensory detector? I go up stairs and there is Missy, who isn't often in my room, curled up on my favourite black jumper, which I would never leave on the floor, this is probably the first time, ever.






My eyes welled up and a tear ran down my cheek as I read about the hole tearing in the side of Qantas QF30, and the heroic drama that ensued to an emergency landing in Manilla. We're all turning into drama junkies. Life is just one crisis after another, thank you CNN.

It's funny with these high profile drug cases. Those not familiar with drugs would gasp as chemicals with funny names were read out. Those familiar with drugs think, Well, he was having a fine old time, now wasn't he. Meth and K...

Ah coffee, the newspaper, Saturday morning.