Not Happy er...Jane?

Well,

As me old mum used to say – them ciggies'll make you turn and as we have seen, well she was right. Do ya think it'll make any difference to anyone (cares who lives dies fat thin you – fast version)? No, in a week it'll be we love lovely John and there will be no witnesses and all will be solved and forgiven. How could anyone NOt like you?

So get wretched this.

I have been out almost everyday in the lovely garden DOING THINGS. We put up fence, we transported logs, we posted logs, we hired digger, we dug up aparagus – garden-bed, lawn! – we planted hedges, we interwove willow branches into pannels. We even met with half Bulgarian tradies tonight (just got back) about the shed which's getting built this weekend (my god!). It will have grass on the roof. So!

Then, as well as getting stoned everyday and everynight – Jill, cancel all appointments! – AND Brazilian nastiness, I met with me half Algerian-German beautiful friend Seluoa and we did Wedding getting to know the place – we found nice icecream AND a place that sells wood. Ha ha, hee hee hee hee! Tidying up the place for her, I got interested in the attic, and before you could say CIRCUMCISION-RECONSTRUCTION-FLESH!  I had arranged the terrace with all our summer table chairs, table, pots ready for plants, my violet collection, two old benches, water feature and, presto! hammock from Brazil via Barcelona that had the perfect hooks in wall ALREADY!! So it was quite a success. And streaming sunshine and birdsong ALL DAY (enough with the capital letters – Eds).

It was quite a success.

Now just waiting for Uli to go to bed for said Brazilian nastiness.

Well, that Beck – where's her sense of humour. I hope she gets no tumour (geddit? Rhymes). I had to get up after said nights for 3 days in a row to be with Stephan in garden (me car and cellar keys, he driver's licence and sweet nature). By the third (or thrid as it is otherwise typed) day I was ready to eat him, head ripped off first, fists ramming down throat tissue and pounding on bleedy and protruding spinal bones, sneer not yet wiped off face. Oh it was no snear you say? Well too bad – you're still DEAD buddy.

It's the only thing they understand – mother nature is no fool....

Nother seaquake in Sultrysville – media just can't wait for bad news stories. What about lovely drive thrus in Nebraska – don't hear much about them do ya? How about that woman who hacked open (and er, killed) a lady selling her a dog, because (God told her to?) she wanted the dead woman's baby which she was carrying (8 months or so) and which she did infact, cut out and steal, passing it off to her husband as her own (hi honey, er, look it's like tis, this morning I suddenly discovered I was er pregnant and voila, it's a miracle.

Get any eggs?

I had figured you were doing Resurrection or something, but then I couldn't work out if that was Sydney or not. Alex has send lovely emails of regret and parted paths, divided ways and what not. Well one email. But it reaked (wracked?) of maybe baby and what if and how lovely. So there!

Alright then. Be like that. See if I...

be good to Mr Work (he looks after you in his Corr-y exploitative way, and be late again next month, just not again this one (er, it's almost the end of March.)

End of March!!!!! How did THAT happen!!!

Lovely lovely Spring!

Galebitch

Gales

Life’s going by so fast. Whoosh, plop. Rush, whack! Zip, varrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Well maybe not so much as a plop than a whoosh, a whack than a rush, a varrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr than a zip. Gone. Flying away on the pelican’s wings, over the big, blue sea. And suddenly you are fifty five, or sixty. I’m beginning to believe that every decade goes by in a blink of an eye…and soon we’ll be old men. I’m going to look you in the eye when you are seventy and say, So, how long did it feel? Just see how quick it is for that to come around?

I shouldn’t be talking like this.

Good time baby, I suggest you get a key.

Brazilian mates sounds promising… I see them as coffee coloured, with muscled arms and triangles always pushing out the front of their shorts. They are always adjusting, unconsciously. The boys. As they talk to you, to make a point!

I haven’t had any more run-ins with the Christians on the street corners, maybe my Satan impersonation scared them. But you are right, Christian’s do go on about it, doll. That’s the problem! As I’ve always said, a dirty little secret kept to one’s self, is a good thing, can’t hurt anyone. If no one told us they were Jesus freaks, we’d all be better off. If they have to do their beige kind of Christianly thing, isn’t it in the rule book that they must be meek and wait to inherit?

I forgot my graduation. On Wednesday last, I thought that I must go and look at my letter from school, as I thought my graduation was, quite possibly, the next day. Oh, oops, it was the day before. Are well. Was that my only chance? I guess they will post it to me?

I keep getting stoned and walking on the cat, as she has taken to sleeping on a particular mat in the doorway. It makes her cross! She’s such a ground dweller, though and I’ve been such a pot head. It doesn’t mix. She’s really shitty though, after I have stepped on her. She’s lucky I haven’t got her head.

I so hope I don’t walk into the lounge room only to hear a big pop.

Why I do declare that you are declaring me dramatic, well, maybe a little. What would a prosey moan be anyway? I just don’t want to work any more. I just don’t see the pint…er... point. Spending the best part of my life locked up in an office making somebody else rich. Only to be let go of when I’m dried up and withered, so I can lose my mind and my healthy, on my own time, so to speak. Alone. In the dark. It’s all down hill from here, babe, in reality. The best bits are behind us. Cheerio.  

It was lovely Christian this morning at 8.15 and there were no witnesses, everything solved and forgiven. How could anyone not like me, after all? Me and me lovely mate Beck had a lovely day.

You know she votes liberal? She voted for John Howard… all three times. So you’ll understand when I say, I don’t discuss politics, never have. Got to be careful what I say at work, they just don’t get it. Too serious…square. Not Beck, you understand, but the others. People wince when I say such things as most human beings are a waste of space and could be legitimately terminated on the grounds they would only produce more pollutants than their lives would ever really be worth. They wince and get nervy when I start to speak like that. Jasus, no one’s got a sense of tumour…er…humour. It makes me laugh, that they actually think I care that much. Truthfully, just keep the bastards away from me. And try not to fuck up the planet for another hundred years, after that I certainly won’t give a rat’s arse, babe. Truthfully, I see the Statue of Liberty head in the sand as more likely than not. Let’s face it, in the really big picture, every human being’s life has amounted to a spec of fly shit on the spectrum of time. Really, what does the Mayan culture mean to any twenty first human being, jack shit! Amazing huh. Cause in time that’s what we’ll amount too, when we’re gone. Now think of all the achievements of modern man…

I ate a Big Mack on the way home. Some scrubber had one, the smell of which wafted up me nose, as we pasted by, in our anonymous lives.  First one for years. I never eat Maccas. Who would have thought?

And now I’ve got to go to my dear old mum’s and I’ve two joints under my belt and am feeling a little wobbly. I so just want to slide down on the couch.

Tom and Jude are here.

Oh well, it’s my good dead, recompense for yesterday. Um? Er? Would that be putting some good karma out into the universe?

I’m far too stoned to drive to my mums! I can’t even construct a sentence.

Don’t be outraged, but I haven’t read your entire email, I’ll get back to it when I get home.

Logs, diggers, asparagus. Blah, blah, blah.

Ice-cream, wood. La, la.

I can see it now, a hammock that’s only good for storing pegs in.

Was that even a rhyme?

I hear cannibalism is big in the north. As you munch down, suck a foreskin right off the bone, no doubt, I must be off to me mum’s. Boo Hoo, it’s dark already. Not so long ago I was going and coming back and it was still light.

Some time later…

I’m mixing my joints with catnip, which is pretty awful, but at least I get to get stoned without the naughty bacci. Eventually, it will make for less angst in the day. I can’t keep smoking tobacco at night and withdrawing every day. It’s too tiring. Eventually, I’m just going to have to stop smoking altogether. But until then, as sad as it is to say, I’m onto the hazelnut mochacino of joints. Enjoy. (Think of Dame Edna grimacing.)

But me dear old aunt has hit seventy and her bowels and her heart have konked out on her. Smoked all her life. I guess that’s what happens. Mum said the few friends of hers who smoked, all dead, the first to go. Makes you think huh?

I’m a gonner!

I loved the news, Quake measuring 8 on the Richter scale… hundreds dead. Oh hundreds? Yawn. We had hundreds of thousands just a few months ago. Hundreds? Spoil us! Excite us! Shock us! But never under-whelm her. Hundreds of Asians. Who cares?

Didn’t I tell you yet that Tom is sick again?

Have you ever been to Nebraska?

How about the woman who kidnapped the foetus right from the mother’s stomach. Cut it out with a knife, I believe. Didn’t kill her, she bled to death. Is that’s what you’re trying to say, doll? Eating caramel eggs as I type, sweetie. Must go to gym! Damn! I just ashed in my water.

I did Witness Protection. Resurrection is Melbourne too, though. Inquisition is in Sydney. But I went to Witness Protection.

I forgot, you lost a job through being late. He, he. At least I’m not that lame!

Big smile!

I’m chugging the joints, just quietly.

Gotto go. Iron a shirt, into bed by 11.30 kind of homogenised life. I don’t want this, sweetie!  I’ve got twelve minutes. It’s bleak. Suck shit!

Christian