Call of Duty

Crap. I've got to go to Bolago, just got the call. There is some function on, they are short staffed, something about nose bleeds.

But I'm three joints down.

Crap. Better get in the shower.

many hours later...

I can't believe how rude Luke and I were to one of the guests at the end of the night. It had been a long night; most of the boys were all footy mates, it was like the local footy team had come to stay. In amongst them was one screaming queen. He'd proceeded to get drunker and louder for the entire night. The handsome straight boys were well behaved and polite, it was like they'd really taken notice of their grandma's. But the gay guy was determined to be fabulous at all costs!

At the end of the night, Luke and I were cross-armed, against the sink contemplating a joint, when the shrieker came into the kitchen and declared she was hungry. She'd turned her nose up at most of the food, with a bitchy head-wave, earlier, if I remembered correctly... and a squeal, if any of the six-foot types were within ear shot. How the hell did he fit in? Must have been a friend of the wife's?

(I am paraphrasing the following, in real time, this was a pathetic moan that lasted for the good part of thirty minutes, before Luke asked him to leave. And you had better believe that was met with declarations of surprise, disbelief, theatrics, gushes, declarations in general, flurries, posturing, foot-stomping, waltzes, cries, anguish, embarrassment, retreat... relief)

I am so hungry, haven't you got something for me to eat.

No, you ate all the food, I said definitively.

Oh! (Hands in the air) You must have something?

No, we don't said Luke.

Their muuuuuuuuusssssssstttt be something.

Eye-lid bat. He was incomprehensibly shirtless, by this stage.

No there's not, I said, dead-pan.

Nothing?

No, said Luke.

Smile, like he gets the joke. (fool)

A piece of bread, you must have a piece of bread.

No, I said.

Whhhhaaaattttt? Sort of a posy of, what could be best described as, pirouettes at this stage. All smiling, all dancing... (if I didn't know better, I'd suspect speed consumption) Have you got any thing else to offer, he exclaimed!

Yes, get out of my kitchen, said Luke.