What Day?

Giving up cigarettes is hell. So is giving up pot, I guess, although I maintain it is the dreaded nicotine that is the ball breaker. So where am I on the giving up bandwagon?

Cigarettes is 10 days, since 22nd March. Pot is 15 days, since 16th March. That's 200 cigarettes that I haven't smoked, actually, probably more. In reality, I know I say 20 per day, but it's probably closer to 25 on half of those days. So, that's two hundred times'ish that I haven't put the small brown filter thing to my mouth and flicked a lighter. Seems like an awful lot when I think about it in those terms.

Oh well, good luck to me.

Mark's worried about me, though, as is my friend Jill.

"You're not your usual self," said Mark. "You seem really stressed and snappy."

"Give me the Nabutol," I said to Jill. "I'm ready." I was just having a bad day.

Jill reacted badly, said she would be heart broken. She's asked me several times since if I'm really okay. She's called a few more times than usual.

I've given up smoking! Hello! You guys try it... not that Jill smokes.

I thought I was doing okay. Funny, hey.

David asked, "Who are you?", last night, when he came home to me cooking stir fry for last night and bolognaise for tonight.

We've lived together for 2 years and I haven't cooked before.

Oh, I just had to do something. I think it's all the natural energy not killed off from smoking, mixed with the, almost, unbearable angst of, actually, quitting that I had to deal with. So, I decided to cook.

"This is just cooking 101," I said. "You know I can cook, don't you? I just choose not to."

I hate going to the supermarket, truthfully. Thinking about cooking puts me off. Bored already. But, in the kitchen with all the ingredients and what to cook sorted and I, actually, enjoy it.

It's amazing how easily things get done when one has a clear head, not sedated on green. Actually, realities a bitch, you gotta do something.

Although, I don't seem to be able to write a word lately, even blogging seems to have been a chore. I've been thinking of quitting, to tell you the truth. I think I'll head out with my trusty camera instead.