Here is a Little Grammar 101

Here is a little grammar 101, and a pet hate of mine. I kind of find it wrong that if enough people misuse the language that misuse, that mistake, so often becomes an alteration, an amendment to the language and becomes the new grammar.

But, that is the evolution of language.

I have been watching I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here on which, unfortunately, we weren't seeing underwear model, Tyson, reach for the stars, (if he's an underwear model, let's see him in his underwear, {big eyes, hands in the air} otherwise it is an opportunity missed,  but I digress) we were seeing former, current, I don't know which, Miss World, Laura, reach for the stars and she is absolutely useless. She, apparently, doesn't want to get her finger nails dirty, and she has a phobia about fish. (Who has a phobia about fish?) What did her agent tell her, that it was a six weeks at Club Med South Africa, I ask you? They have to do repellent challenges to win stars and however many stars they win equates to how many meals they get. Laura was failing at the task and was being told the amount of stars she had won thus far.

BA PA! (you know the quiz show noise if you get a question wrong)

It is never "amount of stars," people, it is always "number of stars." I don't know why people always get this wrong, but we are certainly now in danger of it being accepted as correct because there are too many dimwits who are getting it wrong.

Now people it is easy, listen closely. If you can count whatever it is you are talking about, for example, colostomy bags, sebaceous cysts, or paedophiles, it is always number. If you can’t count it, urine, puss, or trauma, it is amount.

So Julia Morris and Chris Brown, (I just don't see whatever it is they see in him) it was the number of stars that useless Laura won, not the amount of stars. It is very simple. As I have said so many times, why are so many people so stupid?

Here is a tip. If you are a little weak stomached, prone to a little easy nausea, never YouTube sebaceous cysts. Don’t be tempted, I have done the research, it is not pretty.

The number of sebaceous cysts emitting an indefinable amount of puss.

I'd avoid maggots too. People being eaten by maggots is a world of fucking pain for the viewer.

There were a huge number of maggots eating a huge amount of human brain matter. The number of squeals coming from my mouth were nothing compared to the amount of vomit spewing from my mouth.