Saturday, February 02, 2013

The Farewell






I woke up early. Bing. Awake. I’d been having one of those fail dreams, failing at uni, failing at work. I woke with a start. Oh! Silently. Staring at the ceiling, as my breathing slowed to normal morning speed. The shadows stretch across the ceiling soft and warm, saying it was still early. I look at the clock, it is 6.30am. I get up and have a pee and then get back into bed. It is too late, I have felt the cool chill of morning and no matter how I rapped myself up in my doona again, I couldn’t feel the gentle warmth of sleep.

I got my stuff together and as I was tip toing out of the bedroom, when a voice said,

“Spending time with your new BFF?” says Sam dead pan, as I attempt to leave the bedroom with all of my gear, without making a sound. Invariably, the box on my power cord would slip through my hands and hit the floor, bonk.

“No… I’m just awake, so I am just going downstairs to make coffee.”

In the dim light of the morning, I heard his head rustle as it slid around on its pillow, “I see you have your favourite herb in you hand, anyway.”

“She’s not my new BFF, besides, it saves me coming up and waking you up late.”

“Bullshit.”

The floorboards were warm on my bare feet. Light seeped in through the balcony door windows, but only faintly.

Sam maybe have groaned a contented get comfortable kind of sigh, but he didn’t say anything else.

In the cool half dark of the very early morning, I sat at the coffee table and sipped coffee… and rolled a j.


Open the Age, ignore their observation that I am a regular reader, once again, start scouring the headlines for loons.

A bit later, I made my second pot of coffee.

I let Buddy in. I bathed his crusty eyes and washed the muck out of his folds on his face. There was a nice clean bulldog looking up at me adoringly.


Sam got up and we lay on the couch, legs intertwined, it was warm and comfy. I love that feeling, skin on skin naturally. Togetherness. Enchanted. IPads in hands. The morning drifted, on not a care.

Then I am reminded to clean the kitchen; slovenliness and pot go hand in hand, apparently.

“Always,” said Sam. He knows I hate him saying that, and now he says it with just that little more gusto, because of it. Always with a sparkle in his eye and smile on his lips.

Sam made pancakes. Yum. Butter and Maple Syrup, and I ask why I’m getting fat.

Buddy is his lovely laid back self.

We walk to Killeny and ate lunch, with Buddy behaving impeccably all the way. It was a lovely sunny day.


Anthony arrived before 2pm. “Look right on time.”

LouLou rang at the time she was meant to arrive, to say she was just driving out of her driveway. Lisa just split up with her boyfriend and is therefore homeless, with five bulldogs. She needed a moment of LouLou’s time. We all rolled our eyes, start to say something, then stopped, adjust our stance and exhaled and pulled a face.

LouLou arrived at 3pm.

We got to the park around 3.30pm.

Shane was hammered and loud. Ali was shirtless, most of the time.

Dante bought English coffee cups and served up coffee.

That really annoying Gail woman arrive – some course friend of Jane’s – and proceeded to speak loudly over ever conversation. That woman would talk in her sleep, that woman would talk under water.


Jane got pissed and dished brother Lachlan. Apparently, he wanted to see Grandpa one more time, so he asked Lissa, who he has befriended on face book and he asked her if she could ask Uncle Rob if it would be alright. Lissa passed the message on to Uncle Rob. Apparently brother Lachlan wrote Uncle Rob and long and heart felt letter, in which he professed his love for Uncle Rob. Uncle Rob text Lachlan back, Looking forward to it, or some such message. Lachlan cracked the shits that he put himself out on the line for Uncle Rob, and he felt he didn’t get enough back from Uncle Rob. So he rang and left an abusive message on Lissa’s voicemail and then shot off a whole lot of dirty and fowl emails to her as a follow up. And now everyone is wiped again.

Then Jane said crazy things to Anthony, the likes of which he could hardly understand. “There’s my father all alone, not that Luke has left him in Hanoi.” Weird stuff, said Anthony.


There was a lesbian with a dog, of course. We left Buddy in his house for the afternoon.

I smoked a lot of pot and “grazed” on everything in front of me. I never stopped eating.

The sun crept up the grassy incline to us, we retreated further under the shade of the tree, despite the sun being welcoming and warm.


Gail’s a new age swami voodoo healer, blah, blah, blah… what? Just shut up. Shut up! Shut up! She never stopped talking for the afternoon, in her American accent… spared nothing…

“Love thy self, meditate, be empowered!”

New Age School

We lay back on the picnic rugs and closed our eyes, Anthony and I. I mumble Jesus to Anthony, or the other way around, we both laughed.

There was a discernable silence after American Gail had left. Relief.

“Thank God that is over,” mumbled Anthony, as he (uncharacteristically) poured another mineral water. Age is catching up, once that would have been nothing but vodka and tonic.


We staid until we got cold, the sun’s heat dipped. Then we walked home with long shadows in the later afternoon sun in lines across the park and then up the street.


I had agreed to go see mum tomorrow morning with Roz, she was picking me up at 9am. I had people staying the night, and I have lunch tomorrow. That doesn’t all work together. I text Roz and asked if we could change it to next weekend, she agreed.

Shane ordered three of the biggest pizzas you have ever seen.

We spoke to Mark on Skype, twice.

The old clan gathered. One of us was leaving, after all.

Miss Pat arrived late. She smoked hard on the joints. She drank red wine. She entertained the troops. She bought a present for Shane, because he is important to her. She gave him a medicine box, full of Xanax, valium, serapax, vocdyn, you name it, it was in there.

“For the plane luv, I hear it is more than ten hours, you’ll need them.”

Old School.

Then they discussed the appropriate drug mix for a flight of the length they were about to board, Thursday at 10pm.

“Take one of those and half a one of that one.”

“Why not the full pill?”

“Do you want to be relaxed, or out to it?”

“Out to it.”

“Then go ahead, take the other half, by all means.”

Shane laughed.

Miss Pat said, “It is the only way I can fly.”

She arrived at 11pm, half an hour after she was supposed to be at work. She downed the last of the wine in her glass. “Better go, luv. Here, give us a hug. Oh… you enjoy yourself.”

In the park for a picnic

Friday, February 01, 2013

Looking Sideways Across My Mattress to My Laptop

Mark 12.05AM

mornin



Mark 1:11 PM

are you there?

1:16 PM Call started

1:16 PM Call ended – no answer



Christian 1:19 PM

I got pot for the weekend. I decided that I just had to try it, for quality you understand. Now, very stoned lying in bed



Mark 1:20 PM

oooh... dont do a sic chriso

is san by your side... or are u a loneliness



Christian 1:21 PM

he's at work

Kennie called at 10am, he was in Mullimbimbi on his mobile. I told him Luke should just about be landing, as we spoke. Is that correct?



Mark 1:23 PM

no silly... he just left saigon this morning



Christian 1:23 PM

I though he got into melb 6am this morning?



Mark 1:23 PM

nup... tomorrow morning



Christian 1:23 PM

oh



Mark 1:24 PM

that is such a hoot re Tulli...

how did you find that out… Dante?



Christian 1:25 PM

What about Luke? Do you know Ken's mobile? I gave him Luke's mobile



Mark 1:25 PM

he is going to call him when he gets to Singapore

so all is cool....



Christian 1:26 PM

the phones aren't working. Ken said they have been copping it for three days



Mark 1:27 PM

yes he told me i've lost all my beach... damn... Luke was right

all that work... down the drain... literally



Christian 1:28 PM

What about Luke. Do I have to do anything to fix it?



Mark 1:28 PM

fix what



Christian 1:28 PM

I told Ken he was landing this morning



Mark 1:29 PM

no i spoke to him about 1 hr ago all is cool



Christian 1:29 PM

oh, good



Mark 1:29 PM

so Tulli? who told yoi



Christian 1:30 PM

Shane, in the beginning. I forgot about it until just lately.

Sam reminded me that I hadn't told you



Mark 1:31 PM

you forgot... not a minor detail I would think... could have been getting lots of mileage outa that one



Christian 1:32 PM

Let's say, I kept you out of trouble



Mark 1:32 PM

so. Shane will be living off the earnings of his prossie husband... what a hoot



Christian 1:32 PM

Yeah, daddy!



Mark 1:33 PM

no wonder they’re not worried about income... should come streaming in... NOT... big fish in Melb... very small guppy in London I would think...

hahaahhahah were you scared that I would create havoc... what must you think of me...



Christian 1:35 PM

No, I forgot to tell you in person, and then I just didn't think about it again

Shane told me, that it confirmed his sexual prowess, being chosen by a professional

It was too much for me to keep in my short term memory, I had to banish all thoughts



Mark 1:39 PM

WHAT... OMG... this is gold

well that whole scenario will really set the cat among the pigeons...



Mark 1.41 PM

Does Anthony Know?

 




Do you think this is the face that will greet the first men on Mars?

Lazy Day

Sam woke me with questions about my knowledge of the rice. What? Did I know how to use the rice cooker? What kind of question was that? Did I know the measurements? Huh? I could make rice and eat the left over curry for lunch? Isn’t he sweet? What are they then? One cup of rice, one cup of water. Oh… I could hear by the change in his tone that I was correct. Yes. I felt a certain kind of satisfaction, that even as I lay half asleep, I still managed to get the question right.

Sam is always telling me that I should go on Millionaire Hot Seat. It's just those sports questions... oh, and the science questions...

I got up and was drinking coffee and orange juice and smoking joints, before 9am. I was awake by then, thinking about the smooth, stainless steel curves of the before mention electrical gadget.

Ha, ha, ho, ho.

How one falls back into bad habits so easily. I’d quit smoking for 4 days. Still, I guess that is better than smoking for 4 days. I kid myself, it has to stop. I’ve got a great cough to show for my evil ways.

Me and Buddy and my laptop, it is a familiar story for me, all my mornings are spent this way… and some afternoons, I thought. And, I have developed quite a liking for the afternoon nap.

Then there was someone tooting a car horn? Don’t do that? Please don’t do that. Oh… no! There was a car alarm, sounding every however minutes it was sounding. I see nothing but selfishness and, well, stupidity in car alarms. Nobody takes in notice of them. In between, the telephone kept ringing with nobody at the other end, when the machine took charge. Eekhads! It is usually so quiet here, I don’t what moon was in what orbit to cause all of that to happen?... as David would, no doubt, explain.


It was cold outside, like winter. It was overcast, still grey from the storm we had. It seemed to have chased the sun away.

The removalists arrived, it is the big day. Well, all the boxes are going today, so it is a mini deadline of sorts. I heard the guy say that he’d have to come back. I don’t know what that means. Have they got shit everywhere? From what I could hear of his tone… well… it didn’t sound enthusiastic. I don’t go and look, I want to keep out of it. I want to feel that feeling standing in my house on my own, they have gone.

I let Buddy in. He heard the doorbell.

By 10.30am I was hungry, so I made jam toast and rolled another joint. Oh yes, very European. Three days of riding and, I think, I have any diet covered. The truth is, that the cereal cupboard is bare and I haven’t been bothered to get my fat arse to Woolies for supplies.

Busy here.

They are using the ducted vacuum system, Shane and Tulli, I can hear they have it block by the way it is roaring. Of course, I’m hoping the new vacuum will exorcise the vacuum demons we have had living with us for the last twelve months, but I haven’t offered them the new machine.

When did I get so mean?

The sun begins to shine. It is 11.11. The world lights up, as if for the first time today.

Buddy is warm against my leg.

I lean under the table and grab him in my hands and rub him vigorously. There is snuffling and snorting, I love those noises he makes. One of the reasons I got a dog, anticipating this time when I’d be living here on my own. You never feel alone with a dog.


I roll another joint. It is 11.22.

I fed Buddy, so he’d go outside. I went back to bed, what else is there to do? As I’m on the stairs heading up, the doorbell sounds, the removalists are back. 

I’m so comfortable in bed. I plugged my headphones into my laptop and played music, so I couldn’t hear what was going on. Is it possible to tune out to the entire operation of your housemate moving out? I wished I could sleep through the whole thing and they’d be gone.


I dosed for an hour. I woke and pulled my head phones from my head, all was quiet.

I wanted one of those pavlova McFlurries from Maccas, suddenly. Sam had always been with me when I had the opportunity, and he has always said no, but today he wasn’t.

The house was silent, it all must have happened and no doubt the happy couple have gone out for breakfast. They go out for every meal. It has always been my notion that you save every dollar when you are about to leave for a life in a new country, but maybe that is just me?

I don’t know what came over me, but just after I had the taste for meringue and soft serve, I was out of bed, dressed and walking up Smith Street, before I knew it. A McDonalds automaton, I didn’t think I had it in me. (ed note – Munchies, did someone mention the munchies?) McDonalds was busy. There are always people in McDonalds, so many people in McDonalds. All sorts, such a spectacle. There was an obvious personal trainer in front of me, with a perfectly sculptured body, so I didn’t mind waiting in line. I had… er… um… a Big Mac and a McFlurry. (He had a Big Mac and I’m sure he would have had a great McFlurry) All the booths were over flowing with human blubber, but the long benches are nice, like a library to study human excess.


It was nice walking home in the sun. The unfashionable end, or is it now the really cool end, of Smith Street shone in all its naked glory. The sun shone down with the mellowness of a late winter, warm honey gently oozing over me, it didn’t burn like a week ago.

Bush fires, floods. Unseasonal. Extreme heat. Once in a life time event… two years in a row. Grass fires burning out of control. Still, nobody seems to be blaming it on climate change.

Abbott still wants to get rid of the carbon tax?


I slept after that, 1pm and I was done. Full tummy, if the truth be known, I pigged out considerably more at Maccas than I cared to admit to. Then it was 5.30pm, apparently. I heard Buddy’s claws dancing about on the polished boards. Then I heard something else, a bell? Was it a bell? Scratch, scratch, pant, pant. Was the door bell ringing? Pant, pant. What time is it? Bring, bring. So comfortable. Bring, bring. Scratch, scratch, pant, pant. It must be Sam. Bring, bring. Scratchy, scatchy claws. Pant, pants.

Buddy raced down those stairs. He was bouncing and snuffling at the front door, looking back at me, then snuffling under the door again. Sam had his finger planted permanently on the button, by the time I reached out for the door handle.

 

Thursday, January 31, 2013

No Smoking





I got up at 10am. 

No smoking for 3 days. I spoke to Mark yesterday about quitting smoking, told him is easy, gets easier. It does, I can just stop now, without much pain at all.

I wrote my blog until 3pm. I’d let it get behind. I should keep onto it, keep writing, it is the only writing I do, after all. I’ve been keeping my journal though, so I am using that.

I went for a bike ride, I was determined, am determined to lose weight by the time Mark comes home from Hanoi. I’m doing for me and not for him, but he isn’t back until Feb 28th so it gives me a dead line of sorts to work to, I always find that helps.

I came home and made peanut butter and jam toast. Funny, as a kid, I would have thought, idiot Americans, you don’t put peanut butter and jam together.

I went and had a shower after my ride and when I came out of the bathroom, it was as if somebody turned out the lights. The sky had turned from blue to black and the rain was threatening to come down.

Sam and I ate kebabs for dinner. I walked down in the rain to get them.

We had a big storm, it rained heavily.



Christian 7:04 PM 

What did you think of Justin Bieber's dad?


LouLou 7:44 PM 

I want to marry him. He is beautiful, i wonder if he has manners?


Christian 7:46 PM 

Who cares if he has manners, as long as he can follow instructions like, lick this


LouLou 7:48 PM 

Big smile... I am awestruck that he is not gay, you gays get all the good looking one's.

I am making a cup of tea for us, back in a tick.


Christian 7:49 PM 

That is so not true. We get, at best, 10% of the guys – depending on the beer – and you get 90% of them


LouLou 7:59 PM 

Champagne depending!... perhaps i'm a gay boy trapped in a girlie body, i would say the opposite %'s are seen by my eyes... or perhaps it's just that the straight ones can look so darn good that i assume they must be gay and untouchable.


Christian 8:00 PM 

What about John

What about Sebastian

What about all those woofas?

I thought I'd have more examples when I started this


LouLou 8:04 PM 

Well ok, there's them. By the way John is soon to be a Daddy and I am visiting Sebastian in August, very exciting (visiting Sebastian that is, not John's baby)... See, now maybe ur understanding that the %'s aren't quite what u thought.


Christian 8:04 PM 

John is going to be a daddy? I so offered so many times.

but no


LouLou 8:06 PM 

Yeah me too but no, no and really no Lee.

I am quite sure this baby wasn't planned, just some girl who was obviously cleverer than us... bitch!!!!!!!!!


Christian 8:08 PM 

BITCH!!!!

I would have been so happy to get pregnant to him


LouLou 8:11 PM 

Ohhh Chriso, I would have been so happy if you got pregnant to him, then i could at least visit you lots and lots and just look at him.

But then you may not have met your lovely Sam.


Christian 8:12 PM 

But then I would have left him for Sam and Sam may not have been so happy looking after John's kid, so I guess it worked out for the best in the end

that is so funny


LouLou 8:18 PM 

But when you left him for Sam, i would have been there for John and your kid and you and I would have seen each other every 2nd w'end for your parental rights... and you (or rather Sam) would be paying me maintenance and i would get John to myself every 2nd w'end... Hey, i am REALLY like this plan, pity i''ve missed my chance.

Maybe i could google 'How to turn back time'?????


Christian 8:20 PM 

Let's face it, I just want to see his penis


LouLou 8:21 PM 

Sorry Christian but i haven't had anything to smoke in ages, got a tiny bit today though... I want his chest against mine!

Was wondering if you have much g(reen) for Saturday that i can contribute towards or should i go via Guido boy’s and we could go 1/2's?


Christian 8:25 PM 

Guido is here now in Shane's room, should I get us some?


LouLou 8:26 PM 

That would be fab!

Mine is 6 weeks away!!


Christian 8:30 PM 

Okay, done


LouLou 8:32 PM 

You're ace, perfect timing, big thank you to Guido!!........Now, Chris Boy, don't smoke it all before i get there!!!!!!!!!!!!



I walked down to Smith Street to get money in the rain with Buddy. It was kind of nice, trotting along with Buddy by my side as the rain fell. The man in the bottle shop let me take Buddy into the shop to get papers. He looked at Buddy adoringly. He agreed with me when I said I preferred Venti over Tallyho.

“Venti stick, Tallyho don’t”

“You are so right on that one.”

I reckon he was a stoner.

I never knew how many people walk their dogs in this area... at night. We met a Jack Russell, a mini Samoyed, whatever they are called, I can’t remember, and a Wire Haired Terrier.



Christian 8:53 PM 

I have the pot in my hand


LouLou 8:57 PM 

Perhaps you should hide it from yourself, in fact, if Sam is with you ask him to hide it... okay maybe roll a couple first for your enjoyment, then step away from the green Chris Evil.


Christian 9:01 PM 

guess what I am doing?


LouLou 9:02 PM 

Big smile hmmmm, there is only one thing i can think of, hope it's enjoyable xx

I'm having a mental blank moment, is suprise or surprise the correct spelling? Too lazy to get my dictionary


Christian 9:04 PM 

the second one

but I have to say at this point that I am a bad speller


LouLou 9:05 PM 

ok, 2 r's for surprise it is then


Christian 9:05 PM 

although, surprise I think I can do


LouLou 9:05 PM 

Surprise is ALWAYS one i have to think about


Christian 9:07 PM 

so, the correct spelling would always be a surprise


LouLou 9:08 PM 

Chriso you do make me laugh!


Christian 9:18 PM 

You're visiting Sebastian?



I rolled two joints. Yum. There goes the non-smoking. I really want to stop, Monday is now the day.

The rain continued to fall. So, there goes the glorious weather.



LouLou 9:23 PM 

Yes, yes I am going to the UK with Mum and Sis to visit Bro. We are leaving 28th July and will play in England for a couple of weeks, then i will leave them and visit Sebastian and some other bits of Europe, very excited to see Sebastian! Will fill you in Saturday... by the way i will come to urs Sat about lunchtime and sleepover if that's still good for you?... How's our stuff?... Back in a tic, cat clawing me to death for food.


Christian 9:24 PM 

yes, that will be lovely


LouLou 9:34 PM 

Night, night Chriso. See u in 2 sleeps. L x


Christian 9:34 PM 

Sweet dreams



Sam went to bed at 10pm.

I rolled another joint.

Buddy slept for hours with his head up against my side, or on my leg. He is such a funny boy. All his angst has gone – well he did change owners suddenly when he was a year and a half old. Now he is just this completely laid back dog.

I went to bed at 1am.



Christian 1:29 AM 

How are you feeling poppit?


Mark 1:41 AM 

hello Chriso... bit sad now... lukie go bye byes...


Christian 2:29 AM 

I know, that's why I asked you

Here's something that will cheer you up, I haven't told you that Tulli is a prostitute


Mark 2:28 AM 

...I never thought that those 2 would be such an endless source of amusement, thanks Chriso, a good laugh at the end of a long day....


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I'm Exhausted





I was awake at 9am.

We’re nearly there, almost. Only, practically a week to go, for Shane and Tulli’s departure. (How about that?) In the beginning it was the 31st, tomorrow. (Not any more) That would have been good, you know, for them. It’s a shame, really. Now, it’s another week before I get my house back. Go on, off you go, whatever kind of time you are going to have, off you go and have it.

I came down and made coffee and went back to bed.

Shane and Tulli left the house fairly early, in their sparkling white hired VW Golf.

My head spun in an empty house, I just had to do something, this morning. Exercise would help, it always helps, my secret weapon against a bad come down.


12.47

I've been for a bike ride, eaten lunch, played with Buddy, spoken to Jill, and now I am lying on the couch feeling like pooh, my cough seems to be worse because of the weekend.

But, today is day 2 of not smoking, so the cough should be improving soon.

It is again a beautiful, blue sky, sunny day. It is just lovely, yet again, in Melbourne town.

I lay on the couch and dosed off for the rest of the afternoon, it was warm and I was comfortable. Lovely. I slept the sleep of sleeping beauty. I was still asleep at 5,30 when Sam got home. In fact, when he rang the doorbell, I was so comfortable, I hesitated to answer the door, only for a millisecond, but I did. I was just so comfortable. When I lay down it was 1pm and the next moment the doorbell was ringing and it was the end of the work day.


Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Locking Myself Away





I got up at 9.45. I went downstairs and made coffee and muesli and juice. Then I came back to bed and trawled the internet.

Missy scratched at the bedroom door. We sat up in bed together, just like the old days. She purred and shed fur all over my doona, just like the old days.

But, you know I can only sit up in bed for so long.


Hi Christian,

I am really sorry to hear all of that, it sounds like a really difficult couple of weeks for you. My apologies for trying to contact you so many times, I honestly thought there were a couple of ideal roles for you. Obviously take as much time as you need and just let me know how you’re going when you can.

All the best. Jack


He, he, I am good at lying. Of course, it is the only time I’ll be able to do it with Jack. Shrug. It will be the only time I will want to do it with Jack. Ah, Xmas holidays, it is the only time I will want to do it. TattsLotto win withstanding, I have no choice. I’ll get myself back to work, februaryish.


I got up after 1pm and reheated the pork belly and the rice and the bok choi with prawns. I ate it as I stood at the kitchen bench.

I spoke to Mark and LouLou. LouLou is coming to stay on Saturday night. Mark tells me that Luke is not staying in Melbourne as when he checked his ticket, he only has a 2 hour stopover at Melbourne Airport.


3pm

Last night the Serepax activate a bit late, but I had sleep finally when you came to bed, said Sam. And had good sleep till my alarm wake me up. And i snoozed it, and then it woke me up again.

You what? I asked.

When you went to bed, then i started to sleep, said Sam. The Serepax react very slow.

It is because you needed me to hold your hand to sleep? I asked.

Totally, said Sam. Poor poor me, got very late held hand.


3:19 PM

I was standing in the middle of the kitchen and I casually farted and shit myself. Just like that. Plurp. Oh fuck! It is a horrible feeling. NO!!!!!!!!! Run to the bathroom, quick as a flash!!!

(I always get a bit of the shits, after recreational you know what. I should know better, should be more careful)

Really? Euw, disgusting, replied Sam. Go quick, wash your undies and shower

Oh boo hoo, I thought, as I sat on the toilet. I left my laptop switched on on the kitchen bench, I had to go and get it. I had no choice.

So, I held a towel in front of myself, ready to wrap it around myself, if need be, and I made a dash for it. I was pretty sure Shane and Tulli had left the house, but I took the towel just in case. I didn’t want to wrap it around my still shitty bum unless I absolutely had to. Read, if I was wrong about someone being home.


3.53pm

Shane and Tulli are arguing about the packing. Something about the number of boxes with Tulli saying they could always change the booking. And that it will be fine. I can only assume that Shane was panicking about something.


4.30pm

I'm sitting on my bed. I have had a shower and we have been for a walk down to Smith Street to buy a TattsLotto ticket.

Where did u leave him? asked Sam. Tie his lead on the poll? Where’s Buddy now?

Buddy didn't want to leave the tatts shop as some old lady was patting his tummy, telling him what a beautiful boy he was. Then Shane and Tulli appeared out of nowhere at the tatts shop and Shane said to everyone, 

"He is as out of control here as he is at home."

And I thought, he is not out of control, here or at home, what a stupid thing to say.

I know… jealous!!! said Sam. GET OUT SOON! Kick out.

Buddy is lying on the mat at the end of the bed.

I was going to ask u to take him for walk, said Sam, he's lovely to take for walk, and he can force you with his speed to walk faster to burn more fat. (Sam usually adds, fat boy)


We went for a walk along Smith Street. A Papillon tried to fight him, stupid little rat in a fur, and a black French Bulldog just ignored him.


Sam was going home to his place, after work, so he could go to bed early and me not going to bed wouldn’t be a problem.

I retired to my room for the afternoon.

I was in my room with Buddy and I heard the doorbell sound. Buddy standing to attention with his ears raised kind of highlighted the fact too.

Bulldog on alert.

I so enjoy my own company in my room that I didn’t care who was at the door. Please leave me alone, is what I thought. I ventured out to make a cup of tea a short time later and Dante arrived in the kitchen fairly smartly and promptly started to complain about Jimmy.

Yay.

Apparently, Jimmy is moving out tomorrow and wasn't even going to tell Dante, leaving Dante with the bills and the rent.

“The lease is in his and my name, but not the bills, that is the problem I have?”

Oh, I laughed nervously.

Dante said, “Thanks for laughing cunt.” 

I decided to stop listening at that point and head back upstairs while my tea brewed, leaving him to it.

I laughed in sympathy for you, Dante. Oh, dear what a predicament. But, whatever. You know something, I just don't do drama any longer


I don't know, but, you know, I am over people who only really want to be my friend when they want something. I'm not saying that is what Dante is doing, but it sure feels like it. Dante hasn’t, actually, asked if he can move in, but that is what I am getting from him. Maybe, it is all in my imagination, maybe. I could be completely wrong, I could be.

He hasn’t asked me. Call it intuition.


I headed to my bedroom, where I wrote my journal and Buddy slept on the rug at the end of the bed. The balcony doors were open and a nice breeze blew in. I rest up against my pile of pillows. I pulled the doona over me. Lovely.

Sam messaged me to say Jeremy Renner was on The Project and I switched it on, but seemed to miss it. After that, I half watched Masterchef, on mute. I vaguely looked at Big Bang Theory and Cops, both on mute. (I’m not exactly sure how I got onto Cops now, but I did) I was trying to get my journal up to date, so I was looking at my laptop, pretty much.

Gillard calls the longest election in history. They are determined for us to adopt the American model of elections, I can’t for the life of me understand why?

I put Buddy out somewhere between 9pm, and 10pm. I drifted off to sleep pretty quickly after that lying in bed in front of the TV. I woke up in the middle of the night, 4am, and turned the TV off and closed my laptop and put it safely away on my desk.

I lay back into bed, for some reason, wondering if I was going to fall back to sleep, I remember feeling quite awake, but I must have, obviously, fallen asleep. What is that moment between awake and asleep? It is one of the loveliest moments in life. Mostly, it is not remembered, of course, such a lovely moment, such a waste. (Further proof there was no intelligent design in the creation of reality) The only time I really remember it is when I am on the couch watching TV and I try to fight it, that is the only time I enjoy it, is enjoyment all in the resistance, is it?


Monday, January 28, 2013

Lying In The Sun, On The Grass, With Friends





I was up at 9.45. I let Missy in and set up my lap-top.

I’m a bit worn out, though, things ache, I don’t feel normal yet, not quite. Everything is just a bit askew. Still. I’m glad I don’t have to go to work today.

The sun was shining down warmly and Buddy was sitting up near the roller door in the sun with his old man face on. His usual sunbathing spot.

I felt the same way.

The next step in my morning process would be to make coffee and let Buddy in, the order in which this may occur could depend on him jumping up at the back door, doing his best Ewok look through the window in the door, or my greater need for caffeine, which leads me to my most pressing problem, my latest batch of coffee beans tasted like it had been infused with some short of chemical. The beans didn't smell like coffee at all, which is some feat for coffee, and a hint at what my concern was. What to do? I couldn’t drink it. No. So, no coffee? That isn’t such a great option? Take them back to Woolworths and tell them they are spoilt? I sniffed at the bag and they smell like the equivalent of petrol, or dry cleaning fluid, or bleach… none of those, but I am sure you get my point. There was no other course of action, I had to take them back to Woolworths, so I did.

It was a lovely morning to be walking along my street, the trees were green, the breeze cool, the sky blue.

The manager at Woolworths agreed with me, there was something, indeed, wrong with the coffee beans, he said, after he bought the bag to his nose and sniffed them. They didn’t ask for the receipt, which was just as well, as I couldn’t find it.

“Go and pick a new bag and we’ll re-credit them.”

Lovely. Easy.

Then, as I climbed the stair out to the car park, after all of Sam’s concern about my bowel movements, or lack there of for the last three days, I suddenly needed to do a shit. I laughed, Sam would be pleased, he worries so. Gurgle, gurgle. But why now, not now, wait on I am not ready, not even able to cross my legs.




Music of the Night

I see

Christian





Music of the Night

Finally

Anthony




Sam and I headed down to Victoria Street to eat Pho at our favourite pho shop. It was a warm day, just the kind of day to walk down the street in shorts. I decided on sensible shoes, instead of thongs, at the last minute, much to Sam’s chagrin.

We were both varying on our energy levels. Sam kept saying to slow down as I walked ahead.

The soup was lovely.

The cutest Asian twink served us, he had on a t-shirt that said, “Be afraid.” I told Sam that I could give him something to be afraid of. Sam laughed. It was like the Pho shop had changed hands. We are regulars there, and all the staff seemed different.

We bought pork belly and bok choi and a bone for Buddy on the way home.

We sat outside and drank orange juice and watched a very excited Buddy wrestle with his bone, push it over, roll it around, clench it between his paws and generally be totally enthralled with it. He kept glancing over to us as if to say thank you.



Much Mirth

Hi Boys, my Mother thought i had gone completely mad last night. After writing my letters, which just flew out of my hands and deranged mind i reread them and just pissed myself laughing for a considerable time on both occasions.

Your reply was completely unexpected and immediately fell into the "What" category. I reread my message again just in case and that only precipitated another round of giggling.

It was so abundantly obvious to me what was being conveyed and the only appropriate reply, which would have made me fall of my chair, would have been. "Listen here you mad South African Bitch, no im not inviting you over so you can smoke my dope just so you can tell me your dirty news, i told you were closed.

Of course the reply was simply oh for goodness sake take more drugs.

I am still amused, Love Anthony xx




Nicholas called, but I missed it, let it go unanswered. I said to Sam, who’d been saying we should take Buddy for a walk, that we should harness him up and start walking to Tim and Nicholas’s place. On the way, I will call Nicholas and say we were walking the dog towards their place and that we’d drop in.

I called Nicholas, but it went straight to voicemail.

So, I called Tim and said we’d drop in, but Tim said he wasn’t up to it and could we make it next Sunday for lunch. Sure, no problem, see you then.

A moment later, Nicholas called and asked if we were still walking down their street.

Yes, I said.

Come down and we’ll take the dogs to the park.

So that is what we did. Nicholas, and his dachshund, Bruno, his neighbour Maggie, her dog Jackie, and Sam and I took Buddy, went to the park, next to the Fitzroy pool on Alexandra Parade. There we met Mel and his Dachshund Sasha, who is also a distant neighbour of Nicholas and Maggie. It was lovely in the park in the sun watching the dogs running around. There were quite a few dogs that joined the pack while we were there.

Mel had a nice bulge in his pants. I sat on the ground next to Nicholas and Buster, and Mel stood in front of us. He had on camel coloured pants. He was cute. English accent, round face, closely cropped beard, nice smile, Aviator sunglasses. When he pulled his t-shirt down over his crotch tentatively, I thought oops, and I turned myself around so I wasn’t looking at him.

Clearly I was still going, I had to be carful.

And of course, the next thing he was standing in front of me, and I couldn’t help but notice, because he kind of rubbed at it. I’m sure he touched himself… as I was turning myself away from him again.

And what do you know, he was back standing in front of me, again, and I looked again. Well, if you keep standing there, I thought. He had his dog’s lead and harness in his hands, which he bought up against his crotch, which he rubbed nervously against the front of his pants. He looked sexy as he did it, the bulge in his pants seemed to be bigger.

I got up and ran after Buddy.

We came home a few hours later, at 6pm.



Oh watching The Project, there was a story on the Liberal party starting their electioneering for the election, which doesn’t have to be held until November 30th.

Abbott is on the news clearly on the hustings, American style, giving what seemed to be policy speeches.

Really? The election doesn’t have to be until November 30th.

Oh no Liberal party! Please don't start electioneering this early in the year. The election doesn't have to be held until November 30th. Please don't make us have a whole year of electioneering from you guys, we will all go nuts! Tony Abbot says this is the most important election in years, the only thing he forgot to add was, for him. It may well be the most important election for him, but it isn't for the rest of us. What happened to the days, when the election would be called and the electioneering would start from that point?

Bugger off Tony. Note to self, stop watching the news. What do you reckon Tony Abbott’s cock would look like?

Sam cooked pork belly and bok choi and rice. Yum.


Sunday, January 27, 2013

What Other News?





We finally went to sleep at 5am. I’m sure my eyes had turned blue when I looked in the mirror, last thing..

We got up at 9.30am. We ate porridge.

We felt okay, we didn’t do much.

I brushed my teeth and my tooth brush tasted funny. I made coffee and it smelt the same as my toothbrush. I made a second pot, it smelt just as funny as the first. I was convinced it had to be the water, brushing teeth, coffee.

We ate tomato pasta at midday

We went back to bed at 2pm.

Sam woke me up at 4.30pm. “If you don’t get up now, you won’t sleep tonight.” Really? I’m always surprised by that reasoning. So, I sleep now. I’ll risk it. I asked Sam how long he slept for when we took our nap, and he said he didn’t. That was kind of cute, he wanted someone to play with.

Shane was in the kitchen as we were getting ready to go out and eat.

“I’m exhausted and now I have to drive to Kyenton,” said Shane.

“Why are you so exhausted?”

“Oh… you know… big days.”

Okay then, I thought, whatever that means. Shane does that, invites me into a conversation just to shut me down again. I know you like to keep what you are doing secret from me, but then why invite me to talk about it. I wonder if it is me asking the wrong questions? It is because he wants me to know he is so busy being fabulous, but that is all he wants me to know, I'm guessing. I can only assume, he doesn’t, actually, want me to be a part of it.

“So we wont be home tonight,” said Shane.

“Okay,” I said, as I disappeared into the front of the house and out the door.

Sam and I ate at Yim Yams. The late afternoon sun was shining in through the door bathing me in golden light. Gorgeous.

I was drinking iced water in a cut-glass glass. I love that sensation of finishing the water in a cut glass, holding the glass into the sun and looking into it, watching all of the facets, of the ice and the water and the glass, glisten and sparkle and shine like crystal, like a ice k
aleidoscope.

Sam looked so handsome.




What is this all about?

Oh, I do love your last sentence.

These two groups hate women , mixed marriage , homosexuals , abortion, and promote bullying of minority groups. I will leave it up to you .

May I suggest a much shorter and to the point answer?... oh, I guess not, she is your sister after all.

Christian





I was only giving....

If you had read all my emails and posting you would know what its all about.

I was only giving my sister, and out of the kindness of my heart something i am pleased to be known for, a way out !

Love Anthony





I was only giving....

No luv, it is a cult, they don't get out.

Christian




We watched Big Bang Theory and Masterchef: The Professionals simultaneously, alternating in the ads. Then we watched Rick Stein in Cambodia. It seems like the last, unspoilt place to go to now a days. I guess there is always North Korea? I much prefer poor countries to rich countries, there is so much more to see, so much more that takes your breath away.




Keep me informed...

Wasn't today the day of the "private" barbecue?

Christian




Keep me informed...

Perhaps it was but officially the date has been changed to xxx Feb "Drinks in the Fitzroy Gardens. Bring your own everything.” Also invitation only and yes I have been sent an Invitation. There is much much bigger news however it can only be spoken about once The happy couple are well on their way out of the country. Sorry to titillate you but im not allowed to tell anybody . Anthony




Keep me informed...

TELL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christian





Music of the Night...

As the first Kiss of Darkness finally brushed against my cheek as I lingered for a moment, in a refectory yet also anticipatory way , on my front step, the last curl of smoke , flaring my nostrils , from my post dinner cigarette indulgence filling me with the seduction of the night , I thought as I always do at this time of you .

It came to me, as I noticed my fingers trembling slightly, that you are not exactly "anybody" now are you.

Just as I watched the last moment of Daylights benevolence usurped finally by the Music of the Night, I felt yet again that Kiss. My nostrils still flared a thought, fleeting across my mind, I am not able to keep such disturbing secrets that torture my mind from those others who like myself also feel That so subtle and alluring Kiss .

Of course as all pacts that are made in the unbridled turmoil of Night, there may well also be a price to be paid for allowing yourself to fall into the abyss of deceit, or could it be You who must pay ?

Should i be coerced beyond all resistance by offers of the forbidden, would i share what i know?

Anthony





Music of the Night...

One feels that you got the said information through nefarious sources anyway, so taking the moral high ground at this juncture seems a little disingenuous.

Christian





Music of the Night...

It is not with great wisdom that a mere mortal dances with a disguise when the hour approaches. It is near time that to wrestle or fight to reclaim the lost security of the daylight is over. Now as the immortal ready themselves to dance in the shadows cast by a brilliant moon beneath a shimmering almost ethereal night sky, is time to prepare and to succumb, to immerse yourself into the approaching Black Velvet of the Midnight.

The stillness, interrupted only by the most gentle of breeze, heralds in the approaching whispers from the trees.

What is wise is to guide yourself and the unexpecting away from the mundane, in readiness for the unavoidable turmoil that approaches. Tis not the time for neediness or discussion , Just to Be. Succumb.

Anthony




We put Buddy out at 10.30 and went to bed. We watched “Shallow Hal,” which was praised by the reviews I read quickly online to be a movie of superior quality, but it just turned out to be a load of old rubbish in the end.


Saturday, January 26, 2013

My head was spining





Some time around 8am, I, well, Sam text Tim to say I was feeling too sick to make it to dinner tonight.


It was the first time I had looked at the time. It was the first time that I had looked up and noticed the day. Ten hours gone, just like that.

Tim text back, I know how that feels, which I was happy about. I haven’t spent enough time with Tim and Daniel and I don’t want them to think it is anything they have done. I must catch up with them soon.

Daylight, I thought. I could sense it, it was some where over there, all around me, changing the world right before me.



Im so good to you

Hello smiling happy people . No need to reply to this but it needed to be written.

I am so good to you Christian and Sam that i resisted sending you the most disturbing image i have seen for some time, from Nigeria. My hand hovered over the send icon and my mind said wait dont do it. I even wrote the message Christian do not read this until Wednesday. You probably would have and been as disturbed and quite frankly ANGRY at me as i am towards my sister right now.

To wake up at 5am as i did and receive this email at 6.38am i am Furious.

So think kind thoughts towards me. Have a lovely day, filled with Love. Anthony xx



The bedroom was trashed; towels covering the bed, piles of dvds in front of the TV, toys on the floor. We felt okay, not so much like a train wreck, as just being tired, exhausted. It was around 4pm. Buddy was very excited to see us, leaping about very excitedly. We reheated the tomato pasta, it was good to eat.

I was coming downstairs when Shane stepped out from his room and said, “They upgraded my hire car to a Golf and it really flies.”

Well, thank you for that, I thought. “Really, that’s great,” I said. He only mentions that as it builds him up, some how it means he is important enough for an upgrade, which is always important to Shane. Every little bit of superiority helps, counts, is important to him.

Then Shane parked the said Golf out the back, without asking, or without saying anything to me. Good for him.

We went back to bed at 8pm.

I bought Buddy up to sleep at 10pm, as suddenly there were loud explosions going on. I went out onto the balcony and the air was full of gun powder, or whatever the fireworks equivalent o gun powder is. I came downstairs and Buddy was barking, so I let him in. He came running down from the back of the back yard at a furious pace and straight through the back doors inside.

We put Buddy out at 1.30am.



Please fix this up

After 6 hours of mental torment i decided to find out you these authors are on Google.

All is fine now . No need to go to links before Wednesday if at all its a hoax. A(nthony)xx



From: xxxxxxx@live.com.au

To: xxxxxx@hotmail.com

Subject: Please fix this up

Date: Sat, 26 Jan 2013



Hi Car , please do some research before sending images like this and promoting Radical Christian agendas the same if not worse than Radical Muslims. Please consider fixing this up for all the people you sent it to, it has freaked me out angered and disturbed me since 7am that’s 6 hours.

As horrible as this photograph is, the story is not true .

Its worth a look Car http:www.hoax-xxxxxxxx/nigerian-church-massacre,shtml

scroll down to " False report Massacre in northern Nigeria " i think its number 4or 5 down.

This Coptic group is on Gloria TV "the more catholic the better" also worth a look http://xxxxxxx/?media=385351

These two groups hate women , mixed marriage , homosexuals , abortion, and promote bullying of minority groups. I will leave it up to you.

Love Anthony xxxxx

Friday, January 25, 2013


Sam's favourite car, and you never know, one day he might get his licence and be able to have one. Nah, probably not, he is a dedicated passenger

All About Sex

Sam rubbed moisturiser on my face, it was morning.

Pretty soon after that, the doorbell rang, just before 8am. Sam answered it, it was Dante. He was dropping his car off for Shane to take a load of rubbish to the tip. Shane had the car yesterday, he filled it full of rubbish, but by the time he was done it was after 3pm when the tips close. So, he has to go today.

Sam asked Dante about the "supplies." Dante will come over after work and he and I will go straight down there.

Sam came back into the room and told me all this as he applied eye oil to my eyes.

Sam left at 8am.

8:35 AM

Babe. I don't think there's any lube left, messaged Sam.

of either kind? I asked.

I think cream still have some. Can u check? asked Sam. If u r going to (sex shop), get the nipple suck like Tulli. But not that big

I've been naughty Christian, I emailed Jack telling him I'm sick, my mum is sick, my dog is sick and my car is sick. Is that very bad?

Bad, replied Sam.

I love that squeaky thing, I was coming back up stairs with coffee and muesli and Buddy wouldn't get off his lazy fat arse and come with me. He just looked at me as if to say, "Not a chance, buddy." Then one squeak of the squeaky thing and bam! He was straight up and following me

Hehe, said Sam.

Good little bulldog


We should consider min 3, max 4, said Sam. What do you think about the points?

What happened to the 2 points? I asked.

2 is boring, said Sam. The goddess talking

"Little pumpkin" just got up on the bed, I said.

http://www.redmondpie.com/heres-ashton-kutcher-playing-steve-jobs-in-jobs-biopic-

This look so much like ashton not like steve, said Sam. But woz said, "never happen"

http://gizmodo.com/5978777/woz-says-kutchers-steve-jobs-movie-scene-never-happened

8:51 AM

He is scratching around in the bed. I said "Hey, can you stop that." And he stops and gives me a very sideways, bulldoggy look.

He said, "what's wrong with you," said Sam.

We are sitting next to each other. Then he looks away and rolls over sideways. clunk

What u mean sitting? Aren’t you in bed?

Yes, I said. Yep, he is lying on your pillow

I see

9:00 AM

He's now stretched out on the floor in front of the balcony doors, like a good little bulldog

Good, you need to spend more time with him, said Sam. Are you going to (sex shop)?

I need to spend more time with Buddy?

Yeah... before tonight party

oh

Have u check the lube?

Settle down, it is not even 9am yet

Its 9 now, duh.

I should have said, don’t duh me, but I didn’t.



9:15 AM

I want to go home, pat pat Buddy, nothing to do here

Buddy zzzzzzzzzzzzz, I replied.


I went for a bike ride, in the lovely afternoon sun. The sun was shining, the second time this week. I have to get into a routine, I have to get back in shape, well, better shape than I now am in, anyway. I really don’t want to do blood pressure tablets.

I walked down to (sex shop) and bought lube and nipple toys for Sam. The nipple suction things came in different sizes. I guessed that Sam would have the small size, but I figured it was best to ask. He replied with, You don’t know what size my nipples are?

I said to the guy behind the counter, “My nipples are dead, they don’t respond to anything, so I don’t take much notice.”

“Mine too,” he agreed, “they are not connected. Oh, whatever I always think when people talk about them.”


Dante arrived at 4pm. We went to see the new “Guido” who was residing in St Kilda for the long weekend. I sat in the car in Fitzroy Street and text Sam as I waited. I wondered what Fitzroy Street had seen? I laughed at the possibilities… and truth is probably stranger than fiction. There seemed to be lots of old queens on bikes, their hey day clearly behind them and their medical lives fast approaching them.

You’d have to ride longer than the years you have left, I thought about a real old fat guy on a bike who rode by in leather shorts.

Dante asked me what Shane and Tulli were up to, as we drove down Queens Road. Dante said Shane doesn’t tell him anything.

Interesting, I thought, so it's not just me. I thought Shane was Dante’s best friend. Interesting, as I’ve never really thought that Shane treated Dante very well anyway.

Dante told me that Mark W. was buying the rest of the house from Shane. Interesting, I thought, I didn’t know that. That's where the money is coming from, but I don’t really care that much now. I’m thinking ahead about what I’m going to do. The house to myself, yay.

Sam was at home already, as I’d left a key under the mat for him, he wanted to come with us, but Dante was early. Sam had made tomato pasta. It was ready in two bowels on the kitchen bench. Come on quick, was his attitude.

Funny, huh? It’s what we all like, the promise of some filth, it is good for your psyche. Sam had got it with his first snort and his first puff. We all do. It is a truth nobody seems to talk about, in all the talk about it. It is fun.

The fun started soon after that, I think the sun was still shinning.

You know, I love porn about all the taboo subjects, I don’t know why. Brothers fucking brothers. Straight men fucking each other. At the direction of their girlfriends, or not. Straight twins having sex with each other, pissed or drug fucked. Gay twins doing the same thing… got to love The Peter’s Twins. Straight boys being seduced by gay boys, there is more of that than is possible to watch in one life time. Married men having gay sex behind their wives backs… ditto. Fathers fucking their sons, the daddy/boy fetishists cover that one nicely. (all adult sons, you understand) MILFS screwing their sons, mostly their son’s best mate, just as good. (Ditto, usually college boys) I find them all such a turn on.

I don’t know why? When I am high, I love it. But it is all still loving and sensuous, nobody doesn’t do anything that they don’t want to. And it is in the consensual sensuality surrender that the heat is created. It is still romantic, always, to a point, satisfying for every one involve. We’re not looking for reality here, clearly, it is fantasy always. Everybody has a good time in the end.

The good thing is, it doesn’t cross over into my reality, my real life. No, in my reality it doesn’t rate as anything, mostly abhorrent in some way. But in a fantasy life it does. What would Freud, Kinsey and the rest have to say about that?


Thursday, January 24, 2013

What's It All About?






I got up at 10am. It is going to be hot today, a scorcher, a huge problem for the fires which may be burning still, or which may just flare up again today. The conservatives still blindly deny climate change. The sun was certainly shining at 10am and the sky was blue.

And it was hot and I staid inside.

And the morning drifted away in all it’s bright, sunshine glory. E news will do that.



Christian 2:11 PM

Tulli clicked "like" on what you wrote on that photo, did you notice?

I guess as long as you are talking about them...



Mark 2:23 PM

or he is actually as dumb as a post...



Christian 2:39 PM

well... um... ah... er... um...



Mark 6:03 PM

...the fact that he thought I was complimenting him, is a hoit...



I’m bored, but I don’t want to do anything. I’m restless but I can decide on what would make me not so restless. I sat outside in the thick warm air and watched the bees in my dog’s drinking bucket for some time. Mesmorised by the warmth, the air was thick. I don’t know what is with the bees, but they are congregating around the rim of the blue water bucket every day.

I contemplated life for some time, staring off into the sparkling light of the day, without really coming up with any conclusions about anything, really. That I am so lazy, I do nothing, very little, nothing… but I am enjoying it. I know I shouldn’t, I should be doing something, I’m simply in denial, there is no other explanation.

I tried to meditate sitting in the chair, and I don’t know if It is wrong to try it in a chair, but it didn’t work, I couldn’t switch my brain off.


I ate green curry chicken take away for lunch.


Another wasted day, pondering, or avoiding it, about what I am going to do with my life? I probably should just get out all the novels I haven’t read and read them.

I don’t think I can write any more. I’ve got to get it out of my brain and I think of all the time I have wasted?

I should just give the idea up all together and just go back to work. Stop living in a dream that isn’t going to happen.


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Pooh, exercise and chicken





It was a beautiful sunny day.

I thought Buddy was really sick when I let him in this morning, he was really weird, sad, head down, lifeless and he came inside and collapsed on his (inside) bed.

It worried me, what the hell? He didn’t seem to rally, it was unlike him.

I was out getting the bin in and I had an idea, I rang the doorbell and he came running out like his normal self.

I see, I thought.

So, the next test was the dog lead draw, where I keep the lead. As soon as I opened it he was leaping about with that take-me-for-a-walk look on his cute little bulldog face.

Maybe he was just bored? Could he be? I hadn’t walked him for a number of days. One of the important points about buying a bulldog, was that they need a daily walk for their mental health.

Could that be the problem?

So, instead of eating breakfast and drinking coffee, I walked him to the postbox to repost his registration form back to the council, again. The stupid Council has sent it back to me for the second time. That is despite the fact that I went down. in the first place there. and had them confirm the microchip number with their own micro chip reader. They sent it back to me at the beginning of January and I returned it attention the appropriate person. as instructed by them when I called them. Despite this, they sent it back to me again. So, I posted it back to them, attention to a new person, as instructed when I called them for a second time.

It was a lovely sunny day and Buddy and I kept walking, he looked excited and please to be out. I forgot that I was hungry. We walked down to The Fitzroy Gardens. I was practically in my bed shirt, I was only going to post a letter.

Just as we got to the gardens, he had a huge shit in the street just by the Dallas Brooks Hall. I wouldn’t normally mention this, but… As we walked off, he had, what looked like, another pooh hanging from his arse. I thought he would take another shit, quickly, but he didn't. We trotted into the park, seemingly without a care. Happy as a pig in… So I got a piece of bark and tried to wipe it off, to discover it was a huge piece of bone hanging out of him. I winced. Oh… I waited for him to have another squat, but he still didn’t. He ran across the grass, he snuffled in the bushes but he didn't try to have another tail up, knees bent. I guessed I had to do something? I suddenly knew something of what mother’s must felt at times. So eventually, before breakfast, I was down on my knees grabbing at my dog’s arse with my fingers wrapped in a doggy-pooh bag… and pulling it out. He yelped, just gently, it had a hook on the side, like a spike.

Then he kept snuffling, as though nothing had happened, while I worried whether, or not, I should be checking for blood, you know, just in case.

I took him to the pond in which he can walk into to get a drink, he proceeded to attempt to swim instead. I pulled him out quickly, as two mother arrive with two prams and a few toddlers in tow.

He was really good walking, except for one moment, on the way home, other than that he was like a normal dog on a lead now.

And he's fine now? asked Sam.

Yes, I said.

Now Shane is making me baked eggs. I wondered if I should, in fact, be accepting? Feeding the bitch! I suddenly wondered how I got so cranky.

I went and got mahogany wood filler at (name of shop) for Mark to fill a table with in Hanoi. He’s got a table to repair, and Hanoi doesn’t do coloured filler. Mark sent me a photo. All the colours looked the same, and they had no colour chart. So, I came home and got my laptop and went back to compare the colours with the photo. It could save me a few more parcels sent for his DIY. We all agreed that Mahogany was the closest colour. It cost me $50 to post it. I had to fill out a customs form, at the post office. I said it is ridiculous, they can look inside for all I care.

“They probably will anyway, wood filler to Vietnam.” He laughed. “Once they wouldn’t have cares, but, you know, since 911… it’s all changed.”

It was a beautiful day, I decided that I should go bike riding. I’ve got to take this excess weigh seriously.

My tyre wouldn't pump up at the servo, I was pissed off. What timing. So I decided that there was nothing to do but to walk to the bike shop now at the other end of Smith Street, there was no use whinging, nobody was listening anyway. $160 later I was on my way.

What happen? asked Sam.

I was cross when I got home from the servo to get my wallet and Buddy was on the couch, again, so I rattled the bottle at him so hard that he completely freaked out and now he won't come out of the study.

Even after I got back from my ride. I felt bad.

Oh what a drama, said Sam, tell me the story later, got work to do. Do you want to see me tonight? I might finish bit late today, probably around 5:30.

We ate Nandos, in Smith Street, neither of us could be bothered cooking and some days I just can’t go to Woolies.

Nicholas called while we walking down to Smith Street. He is so funny, he pretended that he was someone I had hooked up with last week. He insisted, wanted to know why I didn’t want to talk to him.

I denied it all.

And he laughed and gave it away.

Some how he talked me into going over there on Saturday night for dinner, after Friday night’s shenanigans.

I’m not sure how he did that? Stupid me, I thought. It was meant to be the anti dote to the fact that drugs and porn are such a waste of time, if you know what I mean. I was trying to add some positive to the negative, yin and yang. Ha ha, listen to me. Be reclusive, but be social to, it is easy, it can be done.

I called Dante and organised “things” for the weekend. He said Friday. Sam asked why it couldn’t be tonight? My little monster, I have so been a bad influence on that boy.

I spoke to my sister, she is back from skiing in Austria. She loved having Buddy and she said he was welcome anytime I wanted him looked after, which is nice to hear.

“He’s a great little guy.”

Sam went to bed at 10.30pm.

I’m learning that I don’t have to go to bed when he does, I can stay up, it is allowed. Otherwise, he should spend more time at his place. Reading back over that, it isn’t quite what I mean, I don’t really want that, but I am sure you can grasp the essence of it.

I watched the “It gets better campaign,” about gay teen suicide.

I don’t think a lot of people understand that a great number of Christians would rather their own children were dead than were gay.

I think that is the attitude they are up against, especially in the bible belt of America, not to mention the bible belt of Australia.

I went to bed at midnight.


Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Tulli's Tits





It was a beautiful sunny day. The weather has been just glorious here in Melbourne as the rest of the world burns. Lucky us. No, really it has been a lovely summer. Okay, so a few of you will probably complain that it hasn't been that hot, but I reckon it has been just perfect.

My house insurance is due and I notice I have to pay a fire levy? Why? Why, when I live in the inner suburbs of Melbourne do I have to pay a fire levy? Fucken insurance companies, bunch of vultures, every last one of them.

I pissed around on YouTube all day, listening to Dan Savage. Lovely. I love Dan Savage. He is one amazing man.

People are always freaked out by what they are not, but most people are not most things – Dan Savage

Vanilla is kink – Dan Savage

Vanilla is kink, is an interesting observation that we are taught that the most common sexual practise is vaginal missionary and it just isn’t. Human beings love every sort of perverted, kinky sexual practice, despite us all accepting the common myth that it is all vaginal missionary that we practice.

Oh yes, I am very busy these days.

I spoke to Mark, who was laughing at his naughtiness, at leaving a thinly veiled (evil) message on, Jane’s Facebook page, on a photo of Shane and Tulli, about Tulli’s nipples… relating the current nonsense about woman breastfeeding and bare breasts.

Oh dear Mark, you are just asking for trouble, I thought.

On Jane’s Facebook page to boot. She has been so badly influenced by Shane… even against her father.

It was subtle and a reference back to the night Tulli came out into a lounge room full of people with some sort of sexual play devices on his bare-chested nipples.

Oh dear, I thought.

Still, Tulli loves getting his tits out, Shane loves getting Tulli’s tits out. Shane has no limits of appropriateness around his own self promotion.

Dante came over after work to collect his vacuum. He asked me, without any prompting, I promise, cross my heart, what made Shane believe that Mark had thrown his vacuum out.

I shrugged and said. “Shane never asked me, never. And what he was basing Mark throwing it out on, is a mystery to me.”

“Yeah, well.” Shrug. “Good on him,” said Dante.

Dante said he would introduce me to the local “Guido” to get “meth.” Not for now, but in preparation for the future, despite Sam and I saying we were finished with it. It’s good for sex, it is fun for sex, don’t believe everything you read kids. Of course, you have to be responsible with it. Less is always more. Just take a little, you can always take a little more.

And remember, you have to get up Monday morning and go to work. If you can’t get up and step back into your normal life, you shouldn’t be doing it.

Sam stayed at his place. He Skyped me later, and when I mentioned about the “introduction at some time in the future,” Sam got an excited look on his face and held up his fingers and said,

“Get 2 points for this weekend as it is a public holiday on Monday. Two points, get two points.” He pointed at his fingers, one then two. He nodded enthusiastically.

I ate muesli for dinner. By the time I waited for Dante to turn up and by the time he’d left, it was dark and I didn’t feel like heading out to find food, so I fell back on the old staple. Ha ha, Sam would shake his head.

I watched The History of Film, a fascinating multi part documentary.

Films to watch – Days of Heaven, Killer of Sheep, The Last Picture Show, Badlands.

I went to bed at 2am. I wrote nothing all day, I pissed the hours away. Oh, bugger! What am I to do? Go back to work? I am really wasting my life, I am not working, but I am not writing anything either. Oh what is life telling me? What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?


Crystal blue sky over the city

Monday, January 21, 2013

All the old carcasses

Sam was going to make porridge for me this morning, but I was too slow in getting out of bed. But you promised? He just shook his head.

He put moisturiser on my face, though. Lovely.

He left at 8am and I got up and waved him good-bye over the balcony. Air kisses abound. Then I was awake.

I headed around to the shop and got cigarettes. I made muesli and coffee and headed back to bed with Buddy.

Oh what to do today? I thought.

Jill text me to say she was on her way over. I responded saying I was heading over to see my mum. I was going by train, yesterday’s trip inspired me. She responded by saying that she would drive me. I said to her that I was going to catch the train and I didn’t want to put her through that. She rang to say she wanted to drop off the light fitting, the vacuum and the towels before her dad caught wind of it all. I said that it wasn’t so pleasant visiting the nursing home and I didn’t want to put her through it. She reminded me of what she’d been through – her mum had gone the same way as mine, and her father is failing physically. Okay, I said. She was already on her way and she’d be here soon.

Is she determined? Or just bored? Not really sure, and, you know, maybe I don’t have to think about it.

I got in the shower and got ready.

There mum was, a white-hired apparition being helped on to her walker, in the distance. I quizzed her as to who I was, I probably shouldn’t have, but I did, I guess, it is human natured, you know, to want to know that your mother still knows who you are. She said my name and grabbed my hand, she knew who I was, which, I guess, is a good thing. I hadn’t seen her since December 21st, since I’d been away on holidays.

She is very frail, she had great trouble walking, but we managed to get her outside into the garden.

She seemed to be off her face on drugs, as she sat on the seat in the sun. I don’t know, maybe she was, maybe it is just a stage of the disease?

We chatted, for a bit, which was difficult. I lead the conversation mostly, she replied with yes, or no. I told her everything I had been doing. She seemed to listen intently.

She looked so frail sitting there.

I took her hand, as it was time to go, her skin is still soft and her hand felt warm in mine. I tried to fight them back, as I gazed at her soft, staring expression, looking so old and so lifeless, but the tears began to roll gently down my cheeks, as I looked at her and looked at her hand in mine.


I got a pork roll and got my haircut. It was lovely sunny day in Smith Street. You wouldn’t be dead for quids, hey? Oh, shake it all out, fingers to toes and back again. Up and down my spine, look around, shake. Breath in the life, breath in the essence of all that is living, and look forward. Remember all that was good about my beautiful mother and try not to dwell on the here and now.


I read about Tom Bridgroom in the afternoon. A very sad story about a very much in love gay couple who had their whole lives in front of them. And then there was a terrible accident and… go look it up on the net.

I don’t know if I was still emotional from visiting my mum in the morning, but I had tears flowing down my cheeks all afternoon.

There is nothing like a good cry, to blow the cobwebs from the emotional tracks.


Shane mentioned the new vacuum, from Jill, which was still sitting in the atrium unpacked. No doubt Shane wanted to open it and use it, but he didn’t actually say so, so I didn’t offer.

The story of the vacuums, Jesus what a carry on. Guadeloupe doesn’t like using the ducted vacuuming system, she blocks it up all the time. And I wanted to get rid of Guadeloupe, as I wasn’t working so much and I thought we should be able to do our own cleaning, so Shane said he would take over everything to do with her. So, Shane bought her a vacuum to use, which was cheap, and it broke. So Shane started to borrow Dante’s vacuum. (Dante has been referred to as he-who-shall-never-be-mentioned and D and now I am using his name. Keeping up?) Then, I happened to be at Jill’s and she had an old Volta which she said worked completely fine but it was too heavy and she wanted a lighter one, so she gave it to me. Well, as it turned out, it didn’t work just fine, so she has bought me a new one to replace the Volta that didn’t work. In the mean time, Mark came and staid and he checked over the ducted system, saying there was nothing wrong with it and that Guadeloupe should use it, which she has been doing ever since.

So we had all of these old vacuums littering the house and they were on my mind, as they seemed to be in every corner of the house. I noticed that Dante’s vacuum was in the cupboard upstairs, wand I mentioned to Shane… in the spirit of getting rid of all the vacuum carcass’.

“Oh that’s good. I thought Mark threw it out. I’ll tell Dante to come and get it.”

Later in the afternoon, while I was eating dinner, I thought about what Shane said. He thought that Mark threw it out? WTF? What on earth made him think that Mark threw it out? Shane never fails to amaze me with some of the things he thinks. Where exactly did he think Mark threw it out to? Mark had no car, or means of disposing of any rubbish when he was here. It makes no sense. What were the factors that made him think that? He obviously told Dante that Mark threw his vacuum out. Shane is such a moron, sometimes. He has such an irrational dislike of Mark, I’m not sure why. Well, I do, Mark is successful at all the things he does. It is just jealousy… when Mark has been nothing but nice to Shane.

And Dantes vacuum? It is contempt for Dante, really. The vacuum was in the hallway cupboard where, admittedly, Mark may well have put it. So, when Dante asked for his vacuum back, Shane put exactly zero effort into finding it, a vacuum that Shane borrowed in good faith. He didn’t ask me if I’d seen it. He obviously didn’t look for it. He just said, rather head-scratchingly that Mark threw it out.