And Now it's Sunday. Whoosh. How Did I Get Here?

SMS. 3.23am. I’m with a dirty boy doing drugs and it is a cold sore – Tom

Up at 9am, coffee and a joint (one from last night that I didn’t smoke, you’ve gotta love that) lovely. Back to work, tomorrow, boo-hoo! I must do the washing that I was supposed to do before Xmas.

And now it's Sunday. Whoosh. How did I get here?

The most pressing issue at hand today, is the washing. Crash, tinkle, tinkle, the illusion of holidays shatters like so much broken glass.

So we're in the New Year. Bring it on!

What to do today? I've had my fourth joint and now I'm considering borrowing Tim's digital camera and going over to Manny', stripping him off, getting him all sweaty and turned on and then taking photos of him. He is so sexy.

No, that's a bad idea. If I had such photos, I just know I'd show them to people.

It's one of those lovely, muggy, rainy, windy days, where everything in nature looks as though it is on an intense colour setting. I love these days, they seem so close and personal, embracing.

I just called Manny. I was banking on his answering machine picking up. I was going to leave this message. I suppose you are still asleep. I wish I had a key to your place, I’d come over and slide into bed with you and suck your cock until you woke up.

But a very sleepy voice said hello. You’re up early?

It’s twelve o’clock.

Oh. Sexy laugh.

He walked to the Vic Market and caught a taxi from there. He was just getting into the shower and then he was off to gym, despite his sore shoulder.

Can I call you later? This afternoon?

Yeah, sure you can, I said, as I massaged my erection between my fingers.

I’m feeling horny, as… I contemplated calling Zack. The look on Zack’s face as the other guy screwed him, the other night, when he squinted his eyes and looked sideways, as he felt it deep inside him and groaned, was hot. I want to do that to him.

But… tisk, tisk. Bad Christian. How quickly they forget.

And having to wait for sex, especially with a hot boy, perhaps, is a good thing. It makes it more intense. It is more special; it doesn’t become a disposable commodity. So bad Christian, no Zack. I’d just simply rather have sex with Manny than anyone else, anyway. And he said that he might drop in after gym.

So no other boys – unless you are going to tell Manny, certainly. I’m horny for Manny, not Zack. It’s only that Manny isn’t available that my mind begins to wander…don’t be like that. Be, a more highly advanced, more developed man about it, Christian.

Manny wants to have threesomes rather than separate sex; that old open-relationship chestnut, which I have lived by, before?

Not that I’m having a relationship with Manny. (Of course I am, just not a sign posted, publicly displayed, conventional full-time kind of boyfriend thing.)

So, sit down and write something until you see him. That’s all you have to do. I’m going to continue with my 1997 journals, handwriting to computer.

Big smile.

Tim has offered me TimTams and Kentucky Fried Chicken, so far today. I turned down the TimTams without a second’s thought. I nearly succumbed to the chicken – lining up with my tongue out without a moment’s thought – but regained my resolve at the last minute to say no.

When I say offered, I was treated to a continuing recitation on how nice they tasted after each time that I said no. It wasn’t until I called him a she-devil did he stop.

It’s 13.00

When I asked Tim if he was cross with Manny for waking him up, he said, No, Tom does it to us (Waking up, not doorbell) every weekend.

SMS. 1.44pm. Where are you? What you doing? – Tom

SMS1.56pm. I’m shagged and considering going back to bed. I think I need to be still and quiet – Christian

SMS. 1.57pm. Hey Christian it’s Zack want to cum over for a fuck session got K – Zack

SMS. 2.04pm. Hey Zack, I can’t, I’m an hour out of Melb – Christian

Besides, apart from the obvious… I need gay-boy gay-boy sex not gay-boy bi-boy sex. Bi-boys are only interested in sucking cock and getting it whooped up their bums. I need kissing and passion and hugging and holding and slipping all over each other in each other’s sweat. I need cocks and balls and cocks and balls rubbed together, soft and hard, as we both pash. Bi-boys often save all of that for the girls in their lives. I don’t think I can do cold, unemotional mechanical drug sex. I need all the tricks in the box and more to want to have sex with someone.

He’s cute and he’s sexy and he’s got a gorgeous body, he just needs a bit more of the gay boy in him. And I don’t mean, my brother’s sticking their cocks up his bum. Lust for a man.

SMS. 2.06pm. Okay, no worries – Zack

SMS. 2.24pm. One visit from the crack man and we’re off again – Tom

I wasn’t going to answer, but I decided that someone had to raise an eyebrow, as small as it was, at Tom’s drug taking, before it gets right out of hand.

SMS. 2.40pm. Doll? – Christian

SMS. 2.41pm. Yes miss. Dean is douching and the crack man is on his way – Tom

He didn’t get it.

SMS. 2.42pm. Raised eyebrow – Christian

SMS. 2.43pm. You should see my cold sore! That’s raising an eyebrow too – Tom

I was replying, I’ve never known a bad Dean, but my phone ran out of batteries before I got to send it.

Dean is such a boyfriend’s name. Big, strapping, gorgeous, love of your life, all around nice boy, Dean. Number 2 haircut, blue eyes, dark hair, olive skin.

It’s 15.00

Where’s Manny?

The washing is done.

17.00.

I’ve just woken up on the couch.

Joint?

Well, at least my phone is charged. Where’s Manny?

I went to bed and slept some more.

I typed my 1997 journals.

Manny called, he went straight home after the gym.

My journals now take up eight lever arch folders.

I’m going to bed. It’s 11.11.

I rolled two joints for a wank. I want to watch some more uncircumcised cocks get played with in Tim’s Euroboy porn vids.

My toothbrush won’t work. Bugger!

It’s 11.20.