Subject: Birthday Boy – Me me me me me!

Hello Big Boy,

Well, there's a thing – a bit like attrition you lot going off to the Carnival. What's with all this security?? Dope isn't drugs for god's sake – they're after people who take DRUGS! You know, pills, poppers, er Pilz (German for mushrooms). Surely there's some mistake? Such things can't be even found at GLBTQXYZ carni-vale, methinks? And then people dropping off, leaving, collapsing-clunk in the Australian sun (yeesh it's only Autumn-end of Summer me lords); makes me feel like I'm missing sumfink.

And passing through Flinders (spooky, don't type the 'l' and you have 'Finders') Gardens... I say – did anyone ask of me, about me, ask for some petitions to be signed? Really? No? Really? How 'moved on'...

Well, we are in moved on city here lemme tellya. Letter to boss to be written but conversation had, week of scared had, week of can't wait has begun. Must be good boy for 3 days a week until Easter (hah!) and then similar period until June then – Bulgaria here we come. I think though my Summer holidays won't be paid however... sniff. Then I have 3 months of sustaining self then I get to go on Sozialhilfe (and get a job boyyo). If we keep the Berlin visitors coming then we will be fine financially and I can keep my end up. Then apply for and take that GREAT Berliner job when it comes up. Who knows what it could be – fungers crissed.

We have the lovely Mardy coming nuxt minth, and also the lovely scratchy Eva from Switz via Warrandyte if she still comes – both for days only. Has Mardy ditched Kerry then? Couldn't get it out of him… That is what I recommended to him though so this may be Plan A. Then we have a yank chick who is very keen for 2 months and yesty and last week we had all three – Room with a Loo (English-language magazine in Berlin – must get in with them more), then language institute A then language Institute B ALL calling US and making visits and being charmed and thrilled by our luvvy appartment/fartment (the second floor and chillout-room overlooking the terrace always getsem) so methinks that'll take care of self really while I'm off having a Balkan Summer. Bern always has an ad in the various gaychatcom.dot.dic.pic.stats.www.html.de that has sent us various hos, and well, there's still Matze from Baden-Württemberg, brother (bigboy) Bernd, and varios Landesvertretung fellows and poofters wanting a good time in the nation's capital that we will be tight methinks, for the first time in a long while.

We have had a lovely visitor for the past 6 weeks who will unfortunately leave this weekend – Netto from Brazil via Portugal – but to tellya tha truth, I am getting a bit sick of having to hug him and listen and carry on. But he's been lovely and it makes the flat SOOOO homey and family that we have been super relaxed. I had holidays and he was hot to trot (26 old twink hunk 6 foot Brazilian out for some blond but always hooking up with lazy home-delivery dark-haired (or red, or bald or so) wintering Germans who just wanna get fucked (he always says fuck-ed, which is cute) at home thank you very much and he has had no luck other than everyday a new boyfriend called Veit or Bjorn who thinks he's got it made and it goes sms and dinner invitations for a few days then he gets sick of it and goes out for the next. It's been fun. We chat away like old wise woman and groupie, he plays sport with Bern and goes swimming, and I went out with him a fair bit – unheard of in winter!!! Now he has met Nati (our Israeli-Polish twink) and they are now boyfriends. So it is lovely. But enough with the constant pressure to return DVDs to the video shop so we can watch appallingly (if rich and hunky) violent Brazilian films about jail massacres and drug ganstas blowing everyone away!!! I'm not finished withem yet! Actually I AM watching DVDs featuring (mostly) non-violent Brazilian films about jail massacres and drug ganstas blowing everyone away – just anally chook, not with guns. They're loaded just the same. Maybe even same characters... but spare me spare me. They always last until 3am and I knew it would be revolting in the end and yet fair play...

Remind me to tell ya about me birthdy – I have developed overnight a drive for putting "bet banana dicks" "huge uncut porn latino penises images" and "penis health + Spanish" into google and seeing what comes up and and due for one now. I will write back in a doodle.

I emailed Reg and we have had German talks – are you serious about visiting? I figured LIES LIES ALL LIES! But it'd be nice!

I will email Tom too – does he do email?

Finally, I noticed a parent had emailed me and the guy from NY who stayed last year and put in Summer in Berlin in the subject line. What does he want? I got on well, but while I was in Switz doing geneva things, Bern developed a hatred for the boy – very cute – that I think was a warped can't get action with him – thing. Who can say...?

Later,

Josh Gale who is 30 and leaving his job haha

Subject: I HAD A CRAP. HA HA HA

Ha ha ha – I also had a crap. Nurgh! Plunk – greeeeeease, plop!

So the day was like this:

I called up Uta and we arranged for her to meet me for a smoke and a filum over here. Then I did schoolie things and then couldn't make the dealer and so she did and lo and behold, home delivery! So we watched upstairs that wierdo movie with that Jim Carey and that Kate Wislet about memory loss and I swear at times I thought I was losing my mind it was so freaky (understand the filum now and think it's quite interesting but WHAT was Uta THINKING!), with fire and chockies and before ya know it – happy 30th!

Next day, slept til 11am and then BOTHERED by people to get up and have breakkie. Off to local haunt for buffet all ya can eat... Staff get onto birthday thung and I get a cocktail to go with the champers. Then I get talked into going for a walk in the park by Bern and Netto, do so. Home – call from Denmark – Danish kids singing to me on phone. Then, off to have some beer at a Brazilian place and while we are there, mobile of Bern rings – hey, we're at your place with cake and flowers – where are ya? So Uta, Kirsten, Klaus and a cousin hoon over to a trendy Schwarzwald joint where we eat yummie Alsatian pizzas (Pfannekuchen) and drink booze. We eat up the cake and distribute largesse amongst all. Had to fight with Bern to do this as he said we had to go home immediately once they had rung. Like hell we do, said I, and it all worked out. Then home, call to me Mum and that was it – 30. Motto is notdeadyet. Also in German nochnichttodt. It was a lovely day.

Bern is now mad at me for the evening of the 2nd day in a row. My crime? I slept on the sofa upstairs on the night of me day off and when he woke me for my monthly ticket as he had lent the Brazilian his and hadn't got it back yet and he wanted mine as a swaps and I held him off for a bit and then putting hands to head and wishing it all away sayed: "Buy a day ticket. I want to use mine. It costs €2.50 and you just bought a painting for € 3000 and I want to go to sleep". He has been moody silent not making eyecontact and talking to other people ever since. The label is "disappointed". By the end of the first day (yesty) I said to him to save some energy and not wasting it spending it like this. The real reason I think I'm annoyed is that why did he need to wake me – I have bought a day ticket extra HEAPS of times so as to leave him slumbering soporiphically (na, didn't spell that one right but who can say....?) in his dreamlike, morningdong state. How come I needed to be woken up, sent downstairs, looking for a wallet by a demanding German (if sweet) when €2.50 solves the fucker? I mean Deodre...

Anyway, now he has said we can talk about it and I said, good, talking is good, moody punishment silence is not good. The poor little munchkin just sees it as having been let down and that I didn't share – he doesn't see it as a ridiculously childish wake up and smell the roses thing...

Speaking thereof – nothing from Jen, nothing. I am not impressed. She made me apologise on pain of our friendship the selfish cow and now nothing. SHE told me to cancel the Spanish trip and not a postcard. Moleish Mole. But I have known her since last uni days... and ya gotta keep SOME friends.

I have none from Dubbo except me Danish sister. And you, from the Melbourne years. How I wish to repeat them....And I will.

So, I will now head off to the green man. I have 2 more days of school to get through and then lovely 4 day weekend....

I expect to feel no pain.

I have a clapped out job teaching English at a clapped out Institute to clapped out client in the unfashionable and clapped out end of Kurfürtendam. NDY.

Boi,

Josho

I went to mum’s for dinner. She’d forgotten that she had a term deposit which we had discussed the last time I saw her.

I told her I was going to resign. She said she thought it was about time.

Subject: HA HA HA

Security? These are the days of law and order, doll – conservative political agenda is to take advantage of the fear, use it as a tool, gets them votes, me luv.

We’re debating abortion in the parliament. And that old idiot Heffernan is at it again with some manifesto that gay judges are more open to blackmail.

Never the less…

L.O., you make me laugh, so, I guess, you are good for somfink.

Yes, of course, all those heads poked out of the bushes, as usual, and asked, any word on Josh? (The name Josh echoes through the undergrowth) Without fail. With hopeful little faces. Could set me watch by it. Or is that as regular as clock work? Whichever?

You need to call those Amnesty boys off though, it seems like they are on every corner asking me if I want to know about their organisation. And without fail I give them the Josh Gale speech until they look confused, or bamboozled, or until they turn to the next poor sap who happens to be coming along.

… as the cat vomits on the floor. Oh! What? I didn’t even loose hold of my joint, as I flung her onto the tiled floor.

Ah, the lovely Mardy. Tell him I’d still happily help him out with a blow job, if need be.

Kerry who?

Tom’s email address – (again) tdbau@yahoo.com.au (sheesh!)

I’m off to bed with me lovely mull bowl.

Trying to build up the courage to resign tomorrow. Wish me luck.

So, I guess that’s it? Awfully short, hey?

What else can I tells ya? (I’m still picturing Mardy lying back on the couch with his pants around his ankles) Um? Er? Something else. He wants to know about other things. Um? 

Not a lot here, when you have a good look. Pretty poor, really.

Um… er… no, I’ve got nothing.

Nitie night.

PS NDY?

(Christian)

Manny said he didn’t feel like going on. Not that he’s unhappy, but his life isn’t going to change much from what it is now. He doesn’t want to keep doing this. He’s had enough. Only his mum is stopping him. I told him to keep thinking about his mum.

SMS. 20.43. Why a new phone? Why are you trying to get it to swear? – Christian 

SMS. 21.22. Ducked if I know – Rachel 

SMS. 21.26. (Rachel) I think I’m going to quit my job tomorrow. Any words of wisdom? – Christian 

SMS. 21.36. Do it then come play by the beach with me, prophetic eh? – Rachel 

I got up at midnight and wrote out my resignation. I’d had it with work and the dumb bitches in the exec who think their incompetent arses don’t stink. It was Brisbane’s turn to ram stuff through which they had missed the deadline for, but had told the staff would be processed.