First Day On The Job

Very nervous this morning, new job. First day on my own at the toy company. I was so nervous last night that I took a Valium. Not exactly sure, as I have always seemingly been immune to the little white pill. Of course, David and Mark and Antony, being Valium queens in the past, would say, 

“White pill,” that is where you are going wrong, my friend. Nobody takes the white pill, you need the blue pill, that is what calms all our nerves.”

But, since I have always been Valium immune, it just for psychological reasons that I took it. It is just the thought that helps me out.

I was up at 7am and left the house at 7.40am. It was a lovely cool wintry kind of morning. The walk down my street to the tram stop was invigorating. A tram whizzed passed the end of the street when I was a few hundred metres from Victoria Street. Still, it was just one cigarette at the tram stop before another one came.

I sat across the aisle from a hugely fat man, in his lace up shoes, his tight tweed pants, and his white shirt, the buttons on which looked like they might pop, fly through the air and take someone’s eye out at any moment. I couldn’t help but wonder how he bent down to tie his shoes because from where I was sitting his stomach would have made it all but impossible. Let’s not even consider how he wipes his arse. 

The tram at Church Street came along soon enough. Of course, I got on at the start so the tram was nearly empty, but it soon filled up. Two schoolboys, from the same school, got on first. One had School Vice Captain emblazoned across the pocket of his blazer and he thumped away on his iPhone as if he had all the confidence in the world. The second boy, who was very handsome, sat opposite me and looked as meek as one could possibly look. I wanted to say to him, 

Don’t worry in a few years the girls will love you and it will make up for whatever it is you are feeling now. 

But, of course, I didn’t.

I got to work at 8.30am.

HR still didn’t have the figures ready for me. Gosh I was shocked. I immediately thought this is a sign of things to come? 

I worked flat out all day and left the office at 5.30pm. As I walked out of the business centre, I couldn’t help but think what a soulless, dehumanising dump. It is the sort of city we will get if One Term Tony rules the world, where the only thing that matters is market forces, that is market forces of big business, you understand. Business centres built for a cost, with no other proviso/requirement needed for their construction. Dull, soulless and grey.

It was dark as I climbed aboard the tram to head home.

There was a woman yabbing on her phone and I just wanted to smash her smiling face against the window. I text Rachel and told her and she replied saying that I should do it. I messaged back, Now everybody in the tram is wondering why I am laughing.

I got home at 6.40pm, as I had to wait for a connecting tram at Victoria and Church Streets for ages. I could have walked home in that time, except my toe is still sore. I started to walk, after I had waited for some time, but it really hurt. It ached after a few steps. I’m not making excuses, I wanted to walk. I certainly didn’t want to stand on the corner of Victoria and Church streets like a knob waiting for a tram that seemingly never arrived.

We ate fine noodles for dinner, which were nice. I was hungry by dinner time.

I spoke to Jill on the Sunshine Coast. We laughed and laughed, mostly about (psychologist sister) Elly and her often gobsmacking complete lack of empathy for anybody but herself. 

We laughed about me being fat. 

We laughed about Jill being fat.

I told Jill the story of standing on the front veranda in my track pants and old red jumper. I hadn’t had a shower and my hair was a mess. I puffed away on a cigarette. My t-shirt hung out. I had crocks on and socks pulled up over the bottom of my track pants. I am sure I looked 103.

I puffed on my cigarette and it made me cough. As I coughed, a young couple walked past and looked at me so pitifully, I could almost hear their thoughts. “Oh, poor old dear, probably lived there for years.”

I wanted to yell after them. “No, this is just a bad day… I was beautiful once.”