Monday, February 07, 2005

Solstice of the Bat of Illness





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Word detected in STOP LIST from tdbra @ yahoo . com . au on     Sun , 6 Feb 2005 15 : 11 : 21 -0800 (PST)

Tom

Ya filthy b*tch!

christian


Nick

I know you are going to hate me, I can hear you now, but I can't find those damn  mortgage papers. I looked everywhere at the weekend, as Mark was down and I was going to get him to sign them.

I reckon someone has cleaned up and tossed them.

Can you get me another copy?

And I didn't go with your insurance, as when I went to pay it, I had to pay yours by cheque and my existing one I could by credit card. And I just didn't have the money at the moment to pay by cheque.

Big smile

christian


Green?

Nick


No, I haven’t.

christian


I came home and went to bed, battling the flu. Bugger it! I say. Bugger it! The flu? Really? Fuck it!

SMS. 19.24. Want a visitor at 10.30 with pot? – Tom


Solstice of the Bat

It's true I have been appalling and I write to you in great haste because you are my favouritest person and I have been abominable to you in not tippy tappying and you are SOOO faithful but I have to be at the other side o town in 20 minutes so I simply tippy tap fast goddammit – I'm not missing out on Christian thank you very much.

I need you know what man, a root and full on thwumping grinding mashing 64 kilos grunt. Emphasis on need. Badly. How long has it been? Wasn't it my birthday? Does that not mean something in the crowd? I shall get it too if it's the last thing....

Yes, I was reading about abortion in Australia. They are sick c*$µs I'm afraid. Turn that clock BACK! A friend of mine, Helen, was informed by the Australian embassy last week that same sex marriage is illegal in Australia and so she will not be provided with the form for proving that she has no impediment to marry her German girlfriend. Instead, reading the fine print, she can only prove she is single via QLD births and records dept. That's the future chooks, the QLD births and records dept. Sunshine state mate, it's a state of mind. A fucked up one if you ask me. (Hr parents told her not to ruin her life, when she broke the happy news – by the way. World's fucked.)

Anyway, I took the Chris-Josh express last week and sorted out what you sorted out and got left alone with the bowl thereof and got, well, sorted. But not SORTED, if you know what I mean, just sorted. So wish me rock on with SORTED tonight baby and every other night of the week.

But I have to go,

Moo,

Me,

Josho

 

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Whose Going to Sydney?





SMS. 9.19. I only found out she was coming yesterday waaa. Who r u going with? Let’s hope one of u gets sick! – Rachel
SMS. 9.22. (Rachel) Mark, Luke another friend Julien & Leah – christian
SMS. 9.23. Sydney Leah? – Rachel
SMS. 9.25. Mmmm… – christian
SMS. 9.25. Bastards! – Rachel
SMS. 9.26. Mmmm… – christian 

Saturday, February 05, 2005




Love a guy on a beach

On the Beach

Of all the beaches in the world, you could have picked, Bud. It had to be this one. Just you and me.





My step son Fenn

Friday, February 04, 2005

Watch TV, Smoke Pot





SMS. 10.22. Rain drops keep falling on my head… – christian

SMS. 10.29. U idiot! How about something from Bananarama? – Rachel

SMS. 11.29. Had all my fangs cleaned with a local. Woohoo! – Tom

SMS. 11.32. Some would say u indeed have fangs! Not me of course – christian

SMS. 11.32. Not to my face they wouldn’t – Tom

SMS. 11.34. Oh, I don’t know – christian

SMS. 11.34. I admire those that would! – Tom

SMS. 11.35. Why, because the fangs would come out? – christian

SMS. 11.36. Natch! – christian


I worked on the new system all day. Finally, I can start entering data. It was a gentle day and some how infinitely relaxed when Sophie isn’t around.


SMS. 17.16. I’m on top of the world looking down on creation – Rachel

SMS. 17.20. You’ve done enough creating, miss. Don’t get any ideas – christian

SMS. 18.07. Creating roast chicken & lemon delicious in Cheltenham, what’s on off in Fitzroy? – Rachel

SMS. 18.15. Pot! – christian


Tom was home when I got home. Coughing! Offering me joints.

Tom was complaining of having sore teeth.


SMS. 18.17. Foolish boy… let me find Christopher’s # 4 u! Gosh I amuse myself at times – Rachel

SMS. 20.39. (Jude) I was gunna ask ya over, but Tom says he’s seen ya, so have a good night whatever ya do – christian

I was cold and wanted a fire, so I went to the servo and got wood. I found a cute Greek boy outside as I left. By the time I chopped back all the over-grown creeper up the back to find the axe and the chopping spot, I was too hot for a fire.

Manny came over. I promised to pay for a taxi if I was too stoned to drive him home. It seemed like a good way to get him over. I wanted him. And it was worth if, of course, we were good!


SMS. 20.41. Sadie… – christian

SMS. 20.42. Cracklin Rosie makes me smile… – Rachel

SMS. 20.44. That sounds very dykie coming from you – christian

SMS. 20.44. Kumbayah my Lord – Rachel

SMS. 20.47. Back Satan! – christian

SMS. 20.55. He loves a sinner…b sure 2 save me a place when u get there! Eek actually can I die b4 u cos I couldn’t stand it! – Rachel

SMS. 21.07. Hey! What about that violin duet thingy ‘Devil’s in the House of the Rising Sun’ now that’s one 2 get into after some – Rachel

SMS. 21.09. Speed! Sure 2 get the housework done in a jiffy! – Rachel

SMS. 21.12. You’re going to the same place as me, miss! – christian

SMS. 21.12. And aint I glad about that! – Rachel

SMS. 21.13. U wanna do speed, miss? – christian

SMS. 21.14. Gee…Thanx! Hope 2 c YOU soon…I’m bored of Tom! U have a good u hear…im busy anyway xx – Jude

SMS. 21.15. Never done speed luv. I get so hyper on alcohol, I just can’t imagine what Id be like on speed! VERY naughty I’d imagine – Rachel

SMS. 21.22. Actually I think I would break the ‘loo’ rule if I was on speed! Which remind me of a funny story – Rachel

SMS. 21.25. Is that sex in the… – christian

SMS. 21.25. I will tell u another night I have 2 go 2 bed! Just remember 2 ask me who I saw at cricket…(Ed note – um?) – Rachel

SMS. 21.26. Yes…that would b sex in the… – Rachel

SMS. 21.30. Battery flat am off 2 bed… have a puff 4 me, luv. I am coming 2 stay one night…xxx – Rachel

SMS. 21.32. Crystal is good for that – christian

Tom told me to stop sms’ing right about now.

We watched TV.

We smoked pot.


Thursday, February 03, 2005

Don’t U Just Love The Rain!





SMS. 7.32. (Rachel and Tom) Don’t u just love the rain! – christian


Morning Miss. How are you?

Can you see the flooding Yarra from where you are?

xT


What flooding doll? Doll! Doll!

Beck's not in as apparently Seddon is a carpark, right at the moment. Some scuzzy creek burst it's embankment. She made it to the bakery where she bought a coffee, a paper and a croissant and then headed home to Yarraville.

Apparently the Westgate Bridge is a nightmare with traffic banked back to Lara.

Fitzroy, on the other hand stood like a sentinel to strength and good taste, as you would imagine. Only the Elms along Victoria Parade dropped branches (I mean ever Elm tree along Victoria Parade) as a sign of respect for all of the lesser suburbs.

It was such a glorious morning in the north. Almost perfect.

The bay is a picture, I can see all the way to the heads. Clear as the proverbial bell.

christian


Punt Rd - closed.

Alexandra Ave - closed.

Dandenong Rd - backed up to Caulfield.

Eastern Freeway - closed.

Glen Waverly line - no trains.

Frankston line - no trains.

Crown Casino - part of the Yarra.

This is all according to 3AW of course.

Tom


SMS. 10.03. R u at work – Rachel

SMS. 10.05. A-ha – christian


Goodness! A small price to pay for my amusement and edification. I love the wind and the rain. The swirly, whirly, burly wind and rain. I lay in bed last night and was lulled to sleep by it's rhythmic force. Lovely! It does me the power of good!

christian


SMS. 10.06. Thought u may have stayed home due 2 storm damage. Sounds like a good excuse to me – Rachel

SMS. 10.11. No damage in Fitzroy – christian  

SMS. 10.13. As u would expect – christian  

SMS. 10.16. Well u could have lied. I am sitting here listening to the sounds of chain saws whirring. Lots of trees down – Rachel

SMS. 10.17. I just want 2 go 2 the beach, but it's too bloody cold! waaa – Rachel  

SMS. 10.21. All the elms had dropped branches down Vic Parade – christian  

SMS. 10.22. Sad Face! He, he, he! – christian

SMS. 10.22. Fuck off! – Rachel   

SMS. 10.26. Send this star _/I_ to lots >.< of friends (also to me) if 3 come back, 1 of your tits will fall off! – christian

SMS. 10.31. Now who's the bored one? – Rachel

SMS. 10.34. I was just cleaning up my sms' – christian

SMS. 10.35. Get back 2 work. I must come in and annoy u 4 lunch one day seeing as I have so much free time nowadays – Rachel

SMS. 10.41. Or u could get a job – christian

SMS. 10.43. Perish the thought... actually, I will be working every other w/e at the wine sales so there! – Rachel

SMS. 10.46. You’ll be working THAT hard? – christian

SMS. 10.47. Ridiculous, I know – Rachel

SMS. 10.50. Lunch would be grand though – christian

SMS. 10.50. Will call u next week – Rachel


I thought I had better get some work done about now. I wondered if they could trace all my printing, as I printed quite a few pages, every time I added a new sms. I wondered if “fuck off” would trigger anything in the security thingy? Beck got in not long after this.


I was coming back from a smoke and there was this woman in tight black tracksuit pants, with a really BIG shapely bum.


SMS. 14.53. (Tom) What do u reckon it would be like to fuck a woman’s big arse? – christian

SMS. 15.00. You can stop swimming now? – christian

SMS. 15.35. Ha ha! Took me 2 hours 2day2 get 4 klms – gave up, did a u turn & drove back home down the wrong side of the freeway – how about u? Wet out your way? – Robyn

SMS. 15.38. No, it’s always sunny in Fitzroy – christian

SMS. 16.48. Now u c, th@s why I wanna live there – ps hows ur script goin? – Robyn


Walking up Bourke Street, I thought I’d sms Rachel for the end of the day.


SMS. 17.47. I’m going home I’ve done my time… – christian

SMS. 17.49. Good 4 u. I often feel the same but it seems I have been given this job 4 life. Always read the fine print – Rachel

SMS. 17.53. I was singing to ya. Name that song, for 6 months off for good behaviour? – christian

SMS. 18.46. Tie a yellow Ribbon Round the Old Oak tree…I am SO going 2 kill u if that song is whipping around in my head as I try 2 get 2 sleep 2nite! – Rachel

SMS. 18.53. The whole damn bus is cheering & I can’t believe my eeyyeess… a thousand yellow ribbons around the old, the old Oak tree! Na na na, naa, na na na… – christian

SMS. 18.54. Fuckwit – Rachel

SMS. 18.55. You WIN! 6 months off in a destination of your choice! – christian

SMS. 18.56. Of course, u have to take me – christian

SMS. 18.57. Of all the men in my life at the moment yd b my first choice. How sad am I? – Rachel

SMS. 19.00. We could pick up men together? Preferably not the same men, but! – christian

SMS. 19.01. Of course darls…tho some of the men I have known… – Rachel 

SMS. 19.04. U and me both, luv! – christian

SMS. 19.05. Uncanny…and therein lies the thought for the day – Rachel

SMS. 19.05. I wonder where all those losers are now? – christian

SMS. 19.07. Did I mention Christopher was home alone 4 a week & neither of us knew. He, he, he! – Rachel

SMS. 19.11. Damn! I could have blown him in his own bed! – christian

SMS. 19.13. I am sure that hasn’t happened 4 years! Poor luv…it’s my way of getting it over and done with! – Rachel

SMS. 19.19. get him a bit drunk. Perhaps a joint. He’d be thanking me. Bonding like mates. What do you think it would taste like? – christian

SMS. 19.20. I always swallow darls but NOTHING would entice me 2 go ANYWHERE near that one! – Rachel

SMS. 19.28. Oh I don’t know, a six pack (of dope) and I’d be on it slurping away happily! Did u find out his mobile? – christian

SMS. 19.29. I will, but think u need 2 stop smoking NOW! – Rachel

SMS. 19.36. After Manny goes ah, aH, AH! Splurt! Splurt! Splurt! I promise. (I’ll bring u a tissue to sniff) – christian

SMS. 19.37. Eeek! – Rachel

SMS. 19.37. If your lover has put on too much weight get them to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles in the evening, by the end of a week the fat cunt will be 42 miles away – Rachel

SMS. 19.42. Perhaps, u should send this to Christine – christian

SMS. 19.43. I think not…goodnight xx – Rachel


I thought I’d just finish with a little Tie a Yellow Ribbon, just for Rachel for sleep time.


SMS. 20.07. I’ll stay on the bus, forget about us, put the blame on me ee… – christian

SMS.20.10. If I don’t c a hundred ribbons…oh hang on…I think I already said  goodnight xxx – Rachel

SMS. 20.15. That was just 4 u when u lay your head down 2nite. Happy yellow ribbon dreams! – christian

SMS. 20.15. If the next time Manny calls round and u can’t b stuffed it will b my curse upon u – Rachel

SMS. 20.23. I’m never too stuffed 4 him. He has that effect on me. Them Greek genes are powerful things! – christian

SMS. 20.23. So u tell me… – Rachel

SMS. 20.28. I’ll tell ya again, u need to get ya self a nice Greek boy – christian

SMS. 20.31. Passed on that one already, but there is this American restaurateur that’s coming 2 town, but that’s another story – Rachel


Aby and I watched Race Around the World.


SMS. 21.50. Watching the amazing race? – Tom

SMS. 21.53. Yep – christian

SMS. 22.15. I went for Roller Blading, which may have been a mistake – christian

SMS. 22.21. I did too. Ouch! – Tom

SMS. 22.25. Crocodile tears – Tom


I got back to typing my 1997 journal. The gaps nearly closed, just May and June to go. Yay!


SMS. 22.38. I’m writing about u and Tom. Want to add anything? – christian


Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Now to Find Out in Myelodysplasia





Morning Miss.

Lovely soaking rain we are having :)
How are you today?
Aren't you glad I didn't come back last night? Thankfully, Shane and Mark W were watching the Race as well.
I've been over to Allison's this morning to talk with her about my medical shit, which was a bit of a heave.
F*CK! I find myself thinking.
And it's not even relapsed AML which I was sure would give me that payout.  Now to find out in myelodysplasia can be a "terminal condition"!! Fingers crossed!  J
xT

Fingers crossed?
You know I can't talk about the weather, it's against my heritage.
christian

herald-sun
page 76
:p
Tom

I just saw Nick in the foyer :p
Christian

SMS. 15.34. Mark got the tickets. 21st April. $271.50.
SMS. 15.43. What each? – Leah
SMS. 15.44. Yes – christian

Leah called to ask if we were sitting in Bette’s lap. Ha ha, she can dream. Front row would be nice, but I don't think we are going to manage that either for that price. That's just how much they cost.

Apparently, I am buying her the ticket for her birthday. I have to arrange to fly to Sydney on 29th April for her birthday

SMS. 18.53. Any word from Joel Libretti? – Rachel

My phone had run out of batteries and I forgot to plug it in before I went over to mum’s for dinner. Oops!

SMS. 23.15. No – christian

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Seeing The Haematologist This Arvo. Wish Me Luck!





Hey Christian

How are you feeling today?
I'm alright. Seeing the haematologist this arvo. Wish me luck!
xTom

I'm good. I had dinner with Julien last night, at the Old Colonial, which was nice. It was a beautiful night, we sat in the beer garden and chatted and drank beer and strolled back along Gertrude Street in the gentle evening air.
I'm feeling fine. Good even. Yey, for me.
Good luck for today, everything will be all right.
love ya.
christian

Did I mention I'm going to a private party of the Australian Bi sexual Network with Lou on Saturday night, apparently?
Tom

No you didn't. That should be interesting.
christian

yes well....
i still might cancel – I saw some of the people that went to the last one and they were all not so pretty
Tom

SMS. 15.47. Ho Chriso, just wanted to let you know that last night with you was enjoyable. Thanks for your company. Love ya doll x – Julien

SMS. 21.05. It was cool, thanks for your company too – christian
SMS. 00.06. Doug Savaunt – Aby

Monday, January 31, 2005

(And Extra Large Condoms, To Boot)





7am. Feeling good. Doing fine. He, he!


The only thing that I can report is that I'm getting really hungry. Otherwise, feeling good, going fine.

christian


Hungry is GOOD!

I'm feeling ever so slightly shop soiled myself, but have completed my chores and am home safe in Dingley.

Aby had her bedroom door open as I lightly and slowly walked down the stairs and when in the kitchen, I heard some manly grunts and femme groans, and I called out "If you guys are having sex I wanna join you!" All went silent and then the door closed. Ooops.  It honestly didn't cross my mind that they really were. Anyways, Aby's a bit kinky I'm sure she wouldn't mind the cat calling.

I hope you're day progresses in fine form.

xTom


He, he, he, he!

You should have barged in and delivered your message. The looks on the faces would have been priceless. (And extra large condoms, to boot)

christian


yes well i always carry my own!

 *smug smile*

Tom


I'm feeling great! We should go out every Saturday night and...

christian


YES!!!!

I'm in!

Tom J


How are u?

Weekend?

Life?

Documents nutter?

Tom?

Nick


I'm good, all things considered. I went to a party on Saturday night and danced with all the boys. And then I slept most of yesterday, as you may expect.

Life's good, still have a cute Greek boy who keeps me warm when I most need it. And he's good at it!

I'll get the documents to you ASAP, except that Mark forgot to sign them on Friday, so I'll have to take them up to the country.

Tom may have his leukaemia back, he finds out this week, I think.

christian


Is that good or bad with Tom?

Lisa hates me!

Nick


Um... leukaemia is generally bad. No leukaemia is generally good.

Why does Lisa hate your very lovely self? Did you root around on her?

christian


Nope! Respect her too much for that! Think she just needs more of my time and gets grumpy when I don't spend quality time with her!

How could I this weekend when a mate died. 30, Heart attack. Was Getting married in November

What more can u say!

Christian, I have changed my attitude. I'm living life and not being lived by it!

Nick


30! Bloody Hell! Did he have some sort of defect?

More time...more time...I'm not sure if I buy that one. Good for you for not being a "boy" about it all, though. It's the cheating thing that makes girls most upset. Boys don't see it, but they do.

Live life and love life, that's what I say. Every day I try to tell myself, My life is great! (because it is) I think it does your soul good to positively affirm that life is going well.

christian


Nothing wrong Chriso! Sad state of affairs!

As for Lise, let her work it out!

Nick


SMS. 13.40. Send this star _/l_ to lots >.< of friends (also to me) if 3 come back, 1 of your dreams will come true tonite. Happy friendship week xxx000 – Rachel

SMS. 13.43. U clearly need more to do, miss! – christian

SMS. 14.42. Knew it would annoy u J – Rachel

SMS. 14.45. Doesn’t annoy me, it makes me laugh! – christian



SMS. 16.00. Hi luv, do ya wanna have an early cheap dinner tonight? – Julien

SMS. 16.03. Sure, Jules…I was going to gym, however… – christian 

SMS. 16.04. Your place at 7 or after gym! – Julien

SMS. 16.06. Cool, see u then – christian

SMS. 17.57. Have u found out the date for Bette? – christian


I think this would make a good name for a character for a story, Angel Dandekar

At dinner at The Old Colonial with Jules, he knew all about the Bette Midler dates.


SMS. 21.04. 18th and 21st of April – christian

SMS. 21.40. Hi hon! 18th would be fab – Leah

SMS. 21.44. Apparently, the 21st is the show to go to, being closing night. I don’t know though, that’s just what someone said – christian

SMS. 21.47. Either way but Mon nite is less leave 4 me 2 take x – Leah

SMS. 23.08. Yr 2 easily amused luv! – Rachel


Sunday, January 30, 2005

Somehow The Dirty Story Seems a Little More Tasteful Than Poo Holes That Resemble Spag Bog





Tom left for the sauna at 8am. I went to bed. Later, he said it was creatures day at the sauna. Trolls and misfits. The grooms of Frankenstein, slithering and scraping their knuckles on the floor just beyond where the 20 way globes shone. Those who dare not show their faces in the day light. Those who scuttle around the darkened hallways like cockroaches. It was certainly not a night when you risked the dark room with the words, "How bad could it be?" As the good lord would surely be showing you the wizened up monsters he surely was capable of at the next lit viewing. It was a night to keep your whits about you and your hand on the tuck in your towel.

I got up again at 1pm.


Somehow the dirty story seems a little more tasteful than poo holes that resemble spag bog (cant think why don’t want to...) As for the boy you picked up any stories you write may be printed and sent to your mother... this was said with a jealous tone, not that I'm into sex with strange men but a pick up without the sex (initially) would be nice ha ha. You're right, I am very bored...
Working at the wine sales and I'm just tired that's all
Rachel

He was good too. Did I tell you he had a cock out to here… and here… with that bit… there.
christian

SMS.15.35. What happened with tickets 2 Bette – Leah

I got up again at 8pm and decided to have a shower. I don’t remember what happened after the shower much, I must have lay down on my bed again.

I got up again at 11pm. I spoke to Mark and watched a Kevin Bacon movie called “Stirring Shadows” with Tom. Rob made an appearance and Aby made an appearance. I went to bed after that at 1.30am.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Beyond





Manny was going to the Laird and called to ask me to meet him there. I said I was going to Beyond. He said that’s a shame, but I guess I’ll see you soon. He was going to watch the pool.

Sometime in the evening, I realised that I wouldn’t be going to the party until after Manny had left the Laird, so I decided to go and meet him. Tom called and I said I was going to the Laird to meet Manny.
“Oh yes, that’s a much better idea, Tom said. You go and meet your boyfriend – still sticking with me not going to the party.”
So, I met Manny, we hung out at the Laird and then we drove over to his place and christened his bed in his new apartment.

Tom called me to say he couldn’t find the drugs and money I had left for him, around 1am.

“You’re going early.”
“Yes, I couldn’t sleep. I’ve searched everywhere I can’t find my stuff.” He was sounding a little stressed.
“They are on the hall table, as soon as you walk in the door.”

I got home at 1am, decided against my leather pants until I lose weight, wore black jeans, popped an e and walked into the party. I bumped into Julian as soon as I got there, who took me to where Tom was standing.

“You came. Goodie,” said Tom.

It wasn’t a very friendly party, I don’t think I connected with anyone. Tom said it was all the Sydney queens influence.

For a time at the beginning of the party, I danced with Nick Hill dress only in black jeans – my favourite look on a boy – in which he looked very sexy. His crotch looked very sexy and tight, as his smooth stomach disappeared into it. Coincidently, he walked out of the party at exactly the same time as Tom and I did.

I ditched Tom
and Nick and I went home.

Just for him and me, to trust each other, after knowing each other as friends for so long. He just smiled back at me, when I stole looks of him in the car. He said he couldn’t believe it, what were we doing? Let’s not stop. In the fading light in the afternoon, he undid his jeans, so that the outline of him was visible in his jocks. I rubbed it gently. I could see it as thick, uncut, with a red knob as he pulled the elastic standing straight out. His eyes rolled back in his handsome face, just slightly, as I took him out and rubbed skin to skin. I held his hard cock in my hand as he blew his load.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” he said. As we lay still in the quiet.

Thursday, January 27, 2005





My View

The bay looks beautiful today. Like glass in places stretching out like silk to larger sections that are ruffled, further out. The Brighton jetty is floating on nothing, suspended in shiny, flat nothing. Williamstown is too, like it is a shiny embryo floating a new. The light is still brittle, the shadows are long, stretching way out to the promise of greater things. The light is golden with the hint of something brighter. There is a cargo ship gliding away, orange sun is reflected brightly on its side, as it slips across the water with no visible means of propulsion.

The sun shines across the city in sideways slants, taking the very tips of the buildings and laying them stretched out on the ground, like shadowy cathedrals, drawn out like animation. It’s like the light has been on in a farther room much longer. The promise of greatness lays there stretched out before me.

3pm

The bay now looks like a Monet painting, the boats are lost in the haze of the day; smudgy, fuzzy, hidden in the mist, like a blue veil has been drawn across the sky and the sea. The bay looks like the most beautiful abstract blue cave. You could be lost in it for ever and never fear for your life. Like Mother Nature rubbed her thumb across it, sometime around lunch time. The bay is a great master, changing brush-stroke styles, sometimes on the hour.


Wednesday, January 26, 2005





Spiro

I was out cleaning the front yard, the path has been covered over with dead hibiscus flowers for… well, ever. I was down on my haunches with a pan and brush. A cute, kind of blonde, kind of scruffy, but with his own style, got out of his car across the road. I first noticed the pants, they hugged him just fine. And when he looked around at me, he was looking intently. He was getting stuff out of his car, but he kept looking over, with burning eyes. Those cream pants showed everything, I reckon he barred up, just half. Open face, wavy hair, kind of. Two day growth. He was hot. He kept staring until he was out of sight, up the lane.

He was on. He was horny.

I had a joint, I was blown away. The garden was beginning to be beautiful, I could see hints of it. I’d swept the path.

I came inside and got a cigarette.

I decided to trim the box-hedge, it had grown so high, as to totally block out the garden behind. My wrist is still sore. I should have had it on my referral for my head scan. Stupid me. I chopped gently, favouring my left hand.

Then I noticed the cute boy across the road again, by his car. I didn’t see him go out there. He was watching me. I reckon he had half a fat, still, as he stood so I could see. He crossed the road again and I kept my eyes on his round crotch. He said hi and kept walking.

I decided, at that point, that the footpath needed a sweep too. It had been ages since it had had a really good clean. The sun was shining, I was getting a bit of sun. It had to be good for me. There were weeds growing out of the cracks at the bottom of the fence. They were unsightly.

A bit later he came out to move his car. He parked in front of the pub, he could see me in the front garden, subtly playing with myself.

“Hi,” he said, from over the fence. “What are you up to?”

“Gardening. Nice day for it.”

“Yeah. I’m in the recording studio. It sure is hot up there.”

“It’s hot out here.”

We smiled at each other, catching each other’s gaze. Nice smile, I thought.

“How many people live here, he said.”

“Just me and my flat-mate. She’s away though.”

“I’m Spiro,” he says.

Nice. Very nice.

“I’m Christian.”

We stood awkwardly for a moment. He blushed and headed back to the studio.

I went inside. My mouth was dry, I needed constant liquid.

I was watching the Australia Day Flag being towed by a helicopter. It was doing laps around the inner suburbs. I was cleaning. I was sweeping the yard, the footpath, I didn’t care. He obviously wanted it, so I decided I would just proposition him, if I saw him again.

Spiro came back from down the street. He sauntered up to me. I was standing on the footpath, I could eye all of him. He asked me what I did. I stumbled something about working for corporate types. He asked who? Not a usual question. I told him. I was a bit stoned, I felt like I was yabbering. I said something about the benefits of working for rich companies.

I asked what he did. He was an artist and a musician.

And I still didn’t tell him that I wrote. Mark told Hillary I wrote plays and she was fascinated and wanted to know if she would have ever seen any.

He had such a nice bulge.

“You look like you’ve got a nice cock,” I said. Just like that, somehow it seemed kind of easy.

“What?” he said.

“You look like you’ve got a nice cock.” He looked down at it. As he did, it bulged out. I like it when guys do that.

“Do you want it sucked?”

Well, it’s true, I’ve been feeling horny lately.

He smiled and kind of absent-mindedly rub at his crotch. I gazed at his bulge. He flushed with lust.

“But, I’ve got work to do and I’ve got a boyfriend.”

“Oh,” I said. “I wouldn’t want you to do anything that would upset your boyfriend.”

He smiled. Gorgeous! He’s just gorgeous.

“I think I know someone, who you know.”

“Who?”

“Steve. He used to be a speech writer for Cliff Campbell. Just someone I knew, knew the guys who lived behind the pub.” He pointed awkwardly at the house.

“It doesn’t ring any bells.”

“Do you live with your partner?”

“No, just a flatmate and she’s not home.”

“It was about four years ago.”

“I did live here with my partner, but it was longer than four years ago.”

“These guys have land somewhere else.”

“Well, yes that’s me then.”

“Steve said he had a threesome with the two guys. Does that ring any bells?” He smiled devilishly.

“Yeah, sure. That could have been me.” But I still had no clue who Steve was. Does that say something about me?

We both laughed and gazed at each other intently.

One problem is that it is about 40 degrees today. Everything is simmering and melting.

I decided I should just come inside, after that. I left the door open, though, despite the heat.

Another j?

I’ve been writing on my computer and going out intermittently to water the garden. The front garden is nearly dead. I was giving it a soaking, until the water began to run. Then I’d come back inside.

I really was mostly at my computer. That was a knock back, it’s tacky to push it now. He knows where to find me if he wants. But the front garden was nearly dead, when I cut back the undergrowth and could see. So I was going out and soaking it, until the water over-flowed and then I’d turn on the tap and let it soak in for a while.

I was watering and saw him go to his car, from the corner of my eye. I didn’t see him walk back, though. And then he headed across the road and sat in the gutter and spoke on his mobile phone, opposite, in full view. He watched avidly as I played with myself, very gently, not out or anything. For a moment I thought that he was distressed. Talking to his boyfriend, telling him he was going to have sex with someone else. Two other people came down the lane, I went inside. I had a piss. I got a drink. I lit a joint and wandered back outside, nonchalantly. He was gone from across the road. I turned the water on. His head appeared over the fence with hungry eyes. He wanted it.

“Come in,” I said.

He came around to the gate, awkwardly, his eyes intent, hungry. He stutter something as he came in the front door and grabbed hold of my crotch, but I didn’t catch it. His cock was hard. It felt good through his pants.

“I really just want a feel,” he said.

He didn’t want any body contact, he said. I think that meant that he hadn’t had sex. Or they were the rules negotiated with the boyfriend. Noble standoff.

“Do you mind if we just have a wank?”

“Sure,” I say.

“Got any porn?”

“Sure, what do you like?”

“What have you got?” He smiled. He’s got a sexy smile.

We went upstairs.

We wanked to porn. He had a beautiful cock. Big. Uncut. Slug…which fell out of his pants. We watched each other wank. He was fucken hot!

“Are you a bottom or a top,” he said?

“Top,” I said. “You?”

“Top.”

I asked him what he liked doing?

“Fucking and rimming,” he said.

I said I love rimming; slide my tongue up his arse.

I asked him if he ever has threesomes.

“Why?”

“Cause the cute Greek guy I’m seeing would love you.”

Every now and again he’d let go of his cock, it would rise up and stand to attention, between his buff-coloured hairy-legs.

“Is he a bottom?”

“Yes,” I said.

I gazed at him. His face was flushed. He looked hot, eyes darting from my face to my cock to the porn and back. He looked like Carey S. He really did look like Carey. Big cock thumping in his hand.

We watched each other.

He asked me if I had rougher porn. When I looked at what I had put on, it was practically a love scene. Stupid me, I thought.

We watched leather guys fucking, in between watching each other.

He said he was going to cum and wanted to know what to do.

Come!

“All over”…he looked to the floor.

“Where else are you going to cum?”

He smiled.

I blew. He blew straight after.

He pulled his pants back on and laughed. “I guess I’ll be seeing you,” he said. He said cheers before he walked through the front door.

He was pretty cool. Hot. Masculine.

I wish I’d said Happy Australia Day. But, of course, I didn’t. I was far too stoned. Barely able to communicate, really.

I lay down on my bed at about 6pm and woke up at 11.30pm.

Great way to spend a public holiday.

I got up and called Manny.


Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The Boyfriend Issue





I’m home alone. I feel lonely. I should be doing something. Where’s that gorgeous boyfriend who comes over and lifts my heart and encourages me to live? My life is dull.

Not long after, my phone rang and Manny said, "What are you doing?"

Then he came around and hustled me out the door to the Laird. I sms’d Tom, as we walked down Langridge Street, the mooning, after all, had been his idea.


SMS. 20.48. Manny and I are heading to The Laird – Christian

SMS. 20.48. Ok. I am tired. Have a good one – Tom


I saw Daryl. He’s moved to Malden.

D and Jesse arrived.

Andrew Swift was there, with his boyfriend Derek.

The Laird was packed. I was sweating like a pig.


SMS. 22.20. D just picked u out – Christian

SMS. 22.20. Doesn’t make sense – Tom

SMS. 22.23. No, it was u. Honest! 3rd contestant – Christian

SMS. 22.23. Tell D he is a cow – Tom


Manny said some guy was staring at him. He said he might meet his future husband. And somehow we got to talking about boyfriends. Manny said that I had said twice recently that I wanted him to be my boyfriend.

I did? When?

I think I might have been quoting Aby and Tom, who both call Manny my boyfriend. Or, I was making a point about us having a relationship, again. Just because it’s not a full-time, live-in, 24 hour, relationship, it didn’t mean we aren’t having one. (A point Manny doesn’t get) We’ve been seeing each other for two years, right about now, actually.

I’d remember if I’d asked him to be my boyfriend.

But he was adamant. He said he wanted to be my boyfriend in the beginning, but now he was happy with the way it was. And I got looking at him and thought… no, actually, I think I do want a boyfriend, now. So if it’s not going to be you, I thought... Perhaps, Tom is right. I need to make the space amongst the bodies of Mark and Luke and Manny standing in the way.

Manny hasn’t been out much, not to the Laird in ten years. He’s just a bloke underneath it all, loving all the attention he was getting.


SMS. 22.32. I think I want a boyfriend – Christian

SMS. 22.32. Make the space then. And come to Beyond – Tom

SMS. 22.33. Ok – Christian


We were in the pin-ball room, watching D, Jesse and Frank play, when Manny said, Him, I like him.

I looked around to see Shane at the door.

Shane stood with us during the second half of The Mooning competition. Nobody could move, it was so crowded.

Manny said he had to go outside for air, as his anxieties were playing up. We decided to leave, it was sooo fucking hot. As we kissed everyone good-bye, I noticed Paul H, sitting next to D.

And then the next thing Manny’ was saying that he’d just seen Glen and that I had to go out in front of him and he’d follow.

I sat on the fire hydrant and waited for Manny. I wondered what the real deal is with Glen? Because the actions displayed here didn’t match with what Manny has told me. He says that he has told Glen that it is all over between the two of them and that he has told Glen that he is still seeing me. But, Glen is a nasty piece of work and he could cause a scene.


SMS. 23.06. (Tom) I’m now leaving because Glen’s arrived – Christian

SMS. 23.07. (Tom) Fuck, I’m pissed! – Christian


Manny and I walked home. He was going to catch the train, but I said I’d pay for a taxi. I wondered if I had become too needy of him, as we chatted, as we strode into the dark night.

I wondered if my change from treating-him-mean to keep-him-keen to being more relaxed about relationships, had been picked up by him and had changed him. (I’ve told him that I love him twice recently. I just let it happen, stopped holding back.) You know, now that he’d got me, he wasn’t so keen. (2018 - I was surprised to read this. I am sure I never told Manny that I loved him, because I never did)

Had I misread his wide-eyed enthusiasm at all the men at the Laird, as a lack of interest in me? Had I become venerable there, standing in the beer garden with him? I know I felt it, a certain unease at his loyalty. He may be sweet and pure of soul, but he is just a boy underneath it. A handsome boy, at that, who hasn’t been out in the gay scene for a while.

I felt weird all night with him. Maybe it was the two j’s I smoked before I went out. That I pigged into as soon as I got home.

We went home and had sex. Manny wanted to go home to his place. As he vacillated, standing in the kitchen, I kissed him and stuck my hands down his pants.

We soon went upstairs.

Manny got up and left just as I was drifting off to sleep. He didn’t have his pills with him, so he couldn’t stay.


SMS. 0020. (Tom) Miss liar! D never said he’d support your d habit? – Christian

SMS. 00.23. (Tom) I’ve got Manny’ spoof on my chest. He’s gone home. Fuck it is hot! – Christian


Monday, January 24, 2005

Not Again!





Tom called. He was mellow and drugged out. He had his bone marrow biopsy. They knock him out for it. He was happy and confident.

The medical staff are saying that Tom’s leukaemia has relapsed, nothing proven yet. Results next week. Tom says he is going to be really healthy and he is going to try to stay out of hospital. Last resort will be chemo. A nurse said she didn’t think he’d have time not to have chemo. He’s going to go in for twice weekly blood tests, he hopes. He’ll have weekly transfusions.

He wants to go to Beyond on Sunday night. I told him that he’d risk an intervention from some of his friends. But, I said I’d go with him.


He was excited about his $85,000, his disability payout, just confirmed. He can move out of home and not be poor during treatment.

Shit hey! It’s like a glitch in the time space continuum. Tom retires with a large sum of money, but he has to get sick as the trade-off. This is repeat-cycling? Isn’t it? (He did the same 7 years ago, when he was first diagnosed when he was working for Sydney AIDS)

One of the good ones. He’s one of the good ones.


You know, I reckon if you got rid of that other 50% of the population, you’d pretty much wipe out religion. You’re never going to get rid of them any other way. Religions are big sellers, they generate vast sums of money, nobody is going to get rid of that willingly. So the only option left is to get rid of the gullible, the dumb and the stupid who fall for it, which I think would pretty much line up with my theory that 50% of the population is a waste of space. Just generating land-fill giving nothing in return. You’d probably get rid of the pokies at the same time. Quite possibly lotto and pyramid selling. Chain letters. Spam email. A hefty portion of the welfare payments.

Who says who goes, though?

Of course, the god-heads would be getting rid of us... the fags.


You’re pretty safe if you are one of the good ones, though. Surely, the smart, the talented and the creative will always prevail?


Sunday, January 23, 2005

Drinking with the Boys





I got home at 6pm and there was a message from D that he and Tom were going to The Laird, so I went.

Shane was there.

I never see much of Bruno and he’s such a nice boy. Always laughing. He’s built up so much over the last year, he’s really beefed up. Although, as he's not so tall, he's in very real danger of getting as wide as he is tall. But, I think the boys like it. He’s always got a cute boyfriend in tow.

Woody and his boyfriend Marky were there. Woody never knows me, despite having been at Bolago with him on multiple occasions. Ah fuck him, I think. Catch 22, he doesn't recognise me, so I don't say hello to him and so it goes. You know, there is always that one person who never knows who you are no matter how many times you have met each other, Woody is mine. He's kind of loud and full of himself, and I'm not, so, I guess, we're not exactly a match. But how can you be so completely vague, I don't know.

We all chatted, drank beer. Ate nuts. The boys were hot. There were lots of them, the place was packed. Tom, Shane, D, Bruno and I spoke shit as we watched all the boys parade by. Kisses for the ones we knew, smouldering looks for the ones we wanted to know, you know how these things go. 


Saturday, January 22, 2005

Feeling okay, all things considered. A bit spacey. Zzzz! A whole E.





Feeling okay, all things considered. A bit spacey. Zzzz! A whole E. Goodness! You know that feeling when you are slightly buzzing back off in the background, but in the here and now you are exhausted. Brain-cell’s buzzing but the body is in a trance-like state. Lethargic with a hint of attitude.

Joel and I sat in the atrium and had a slow breakfast in the gentle morning sun. We swept up the leaves out the back.


SMS. 13.41. Hello. Joel’s off soon & he sends his luv – christian

SMS. 13.43. Hope he has a good time, the weather is fab and he meets lots of men and has hideous amounts of sex with all of the men – Rachel


Joel hooted and said he didn’t want hideous sex, luv!

It was just the amount that was obscene, I corrected.

He hooted some more.


SMS. 13.46. U dirty cow, what about me? – christian

SMS. 14.29. It struck me as sad as we get ready for the airport, there is a good chance I’ll never see Joel again – christian

SMS. 14.35. U idiot he’ll be back in 2 weeks chatting up a storm. Stop getting you must be premenstrual – Rachel

SMS. 14.39. No just post E. Naughty poofs, they forced me, I swear – christian

SMS. 14.40. Hope I am in your will…just enough 4 a ticket 2 London. Once you’ve organised that, you can take all of the drugs you like! – Rachel


I fessed up to Joel about the pill I took. He said ay? And then he smiled and asked if Grant had taken one two. He told me to tell Rachel that he hadn’t lost his glasses.


SMS. 14.43. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong – christian

SMS. 14.45. Joel didn’t lose his glasses.


Tom arrived and met Joel briefly. I drove Joel to the airport by 3.30. I dropped in to Manny’ afterwards. He showed me his new flat. He was as excited as a puppy. But he said Glen was arriving in fifteen minutes to drive Manny to Highpoint to get a new phone socket, so I was keen to get out of there.

I drank beer with Tom and his two Lesbian work mates, at The Builders. Tom tired quickly so we didn’t stay very long. One game one drink.

Aby found Tom’s desire to go out and take drugs his first full day out of hospital sad and was moved so she had to flee the room with pools for eyes.

Tom said that when he is sick and doesn’t have the energy or the drive drugs making him feel those things. They make him feel alive… momentarily. They feed his soul with happy feelings. I’ve never been in that position, so I don’t know.


SMS. 18.51. I dropped him off at the airport. Last seen doing a very good impression of a pug dog as he smiled and waved goodbye, as he lumbered off towards the door – christian


Manny came over with a DVD called Sordid Lives. “Look at you”, he said when he saw me stoned on the couch. I love that smile he gives me when he sees me stoned. We cuddled as we watched the movie. I like the feel of his arm around me. He said he was in a funny mood.


SMS. 22.38. He’s a funny little Pug isn’t he? Wonder what you’d have 2 do 2 offend him? – Rachel

SMS. 22.41. Certainly not show him your cock – christian

SMS. 22.43. Perish the thought luv. I have a purring kitten laying across my chest. God they make a racket! – Rachel

SMS. 22.46. I’ve got one purring on my feet – christian

SMS. 22.49. It’s just not the same! How about that Abyssinian? – Rachel

SMS. 22.54. Her new name is Puss puss, cat-trap, kitty, kitty, bang, bang – christian

SMS. 22.54. Goodnight idiot. xxx – Rachel