Jambu

You've got to love those colours

Roxy Music

I went to Roxy Music last night. Ner! They weren’t so good. They sang a couple of songs well, Love is the drug, despite it being at break neck speed, Let’s stick together and Avalon. The play list was really weird, lot’s of obscure stuff. They, seemingly, finished with Let’s stick together, but then went on to play some obscure song after that, at which time we left. Jealous Guy showed up every flaw in Brian Ferry’s voice and probably shouldn’t have been attempted at all.
The sound was crap at the beginning, until about the 3rd song, the bass drum was being played annoyingly badly, not behind the beat or in front of the beat, just randomly. I’m not kidding
The backing singers were fantastic, but not heard enough.
The whole vocal mix was dodgy, maybe because Brain Ferry’s voice isn’t so good any longer.
The sets and staging were great; video, lighting, hand held cameras, but then we live in the technology age and it should be, huh?

I went to the toilet to have a piss and the hand dryers had advertising in them. WTF! Do you believe that? Little televisions mounted in the body of the hand dryer, can you believe it. You can’t get away from it anywhere, not even when you are taking a piss. What effect would that sort of advertising have, other than to annoy people, I ask you? The advertising industry really is becoming a virus on society, a scourge that will have to be reined in one day.

It says something, if you go to a concert and the thing that made the biggest impression on you was the hand dryers in the toilet.

Sam's Malaysia

Sam's Malaysia

Sam's Malaysia

James Franco does look stoned in this shot. But apparently, according to his publicist, he was suffering from exhaustion. Of course. Isn't it always. Too exhausted from the pot he's smoked.

But, I don't care if he was stoned at the Oscars, or not, I could marry him and live happily ever after. I think he is cute as. In fact, being stoned would probably only make him more fun.

If it wasn't for the harrowing arm amputation scene, I'd be heading to his new movie, or, at least, I would have already been.

I dreamt about James in his jocks. I dreamt about him in grey jersey trunks stretched loosely over his tight, hard buns. I dreamt about him lying on my bed and sniffing amyl and laughing red faced, rolling around luxuriously on my bed in his semi nakedness. I dreamt of those eyes. I dreamt of that smile.

Ah James, you are quite a boy.

My Sore Head

I went to Sebastian's birthday party last night. It was the usual suspects and the usual party treats. Oh! Too much! Thank the universe it rained all night, as I vomited in the garden four times... without making any admissions... wash away the evidence. Yes, I know, classy stuff. 

See what happens when the boyfriend goes away... ha, ha... cigarettes and all. He said he didn't know whether to be disappointed... or jealous.

We played toilet paper bride... too, to out of it.

I'm too hungover to gaze at the screen, I've just found out. The print is like a swarm of ants... walking around.

I'm going back to bed.

My muesli tasted like sand... but the coffee was good. Then I wondered about being dehydrated, you know, that's why your head hurts, and my three cups of brewed coffee, so I drank big glasses of water all in a row. I stopped when my stomach felt bloated, thinking that should do it.

I feel sick from the cigarettes, got to stop tomorrow.

Later.

I Went to See Smoke and Mirrors

I went to see Smoke and Mirrors last night in the Spiegeltent, it was fantastic.

How amazing is Iota. Truly. I've never seen him before and I was completely mesmerised by him from the very first second he came out onto the stage.

The whole cast was fantastic. There are three muscle boys who appear in small red and white striped shorts, who are funny and sexy, and amazing to watch.

There's a beautiful trapeze girl.

The bearded lady blows you away completely.

There is a pretty talented tap dancer, who is kind of the jester part.

Half way through, I remember looking around and thinking, if only people would stop watching TV and came and see more talented art like this, the world would be a happier place.

Sam Leaves Today

Sam leaves for Malaysia today for a holiday. You know, he's so organised and has everything planned so well that he had this holiday booked before I met him. His years break.

I hope to knock some of that out of him, ha ha. You know, he'll make me more organised - the hair on the backs of the neck's of all my ex-boyfriend's just raised up and none of them know why - and I'll make him more laid back.

It's good, it'll give me time to miss him.

He's gone to eat and shop. He loves good food and he loves technology.

What a Beautiful Morning

What a beautiful morning. I headed over the road to post a letter around 9.30am. The sun was shining there was a gently breeze. The world glowed in it's gentleness. There is nothing quite so lovely as that glow of the new "dayness" of the morning, before the full heat of the day time sun kicks in. Everything is fresh again, everything is bright, the future looks rosy. The world opening up.

I was going to work until Sam messaged me and asked if I was going to work. It wasn’t until that point that I stopped and thought, Oh is there a choice?
I‘d been listening to the radio bang on about the Christchurch earthquake since long before my alarm was due to go off. I’d been awake since sometime before 7am relaxed and thinking how sad it was that I didn’t really have time to drift off back to sleep, when I gave in and turned my alarm off and the radio on and listened to what they had to say.

After watching it all on TV last night as well, all I could think was that the news agencies are lying on their backs with their hands firmly up their snatches, slurp, slurp, slurp! Another disaster.

Sometime later...
I had lunch with Sam in the city, as bold as you like. Sick day? What do I care!
The one concession I did make was that I walked around the edges of the CBD to get there, which lead me through the Exhibition Gardens. I lay on the grass for some time on the way back. I had all day. I sent messages to Sam telling him how hard life was, as I felt the cool blades of grass on my skin. It's lovely that feeling, fresh, green grass against your arms and legs.
Ha, ha, he said. Do something you lazy arse!
The grass was lush, the sky blue with fluffy clouds as I lay under the branches of the tall elm tree.

I bought an extra tattslotto ticket on the way back, if I win work will simply never hear from me again. Not a word.

Now my brewed coffee is ready. Lovely.

Then I played with photos of Volkswagens for the rest of the afternoon. You know, as you do. Give me a tattslotto win and I could really piss my life away, no doubt about that.

Out to Lunch

Have I told you about my job since Beck left? The Brunette Blonde, my boss, and the Senior Blonde, her/our boss, are ramping themselves up into a frenzy over my department. Talk about work for work sake! 

They came up with a six page action plan, for a department that essentially hasn't changed, other than people who don't know what they are doing coming to work in it.

They are changing everything because they just don’t understand anything that is going on, and so they do, and so they look important, they are implementing major changes.

Talk about a palaver!

So, I just couldn't face it today. Nah, no thanks... if it's all the same to you. And it was a beautiful day, the sun was shining down all summery. Finally, some may say. You could smell it, you could taste it.

Funny, I was awake early, 6am, maybe it was the anticipation? I decided last night that I wasn't going. I rang and left a message at 7am on voicemail. Fuck it, I thought.

Sam text me early and scoffed at me taking a sickie. 

So, you really are at home, huh? Lazy, lazy, lazy!

He suggested we have lunch on the Yarra in town where we normally do, if we eat by the water. We have a seat on the north bank. I thought that would be cute, you know, if I stole along the river bank for a rendezvous... right in the heart of our great metropolis when I'm supposed to be sick. We could sit on our seat out of sight. Lovely. We could even hold hands. I don't care what the straights think, not that they'd care anyway, let's face it.

So, I rode in on my bike, in my new big tongue t-shirt. But, I had to get food, so we met at Southbank, which is far enough away from my office, although a major meeting place none the less.

I bought him lemon tart, I must remember it's chocolate that he likes. Sweet not sour. My boy's sweet, it shouldn't be too hard to remember.

It was nice riding in along the Yarra. Gorgeous! What a gentle ease; fresh air, golden sun, blue sky. Nobody should have to work. I tell ya. That is interpreted as I shouldn't have to work, you understand.

Mike's and Josie

Mike was crossing Marls Street, diagonally straight across, from his corner to the far corner, where the street dips away and heads down the hill. All along that side, before the dip, is the old brewery building which has been closed down for years and has been about to be renovated ever since the boards went up over the doors and windows.

Mike was in a rush, for he had a chance at a job for a number of weeks in a city bar, dressed only in micro shorts for the lunch time rush, filling in for the regular guy while he was in hospital getting a haemorrhoid removed.

It was a job. Mike shrugged at the thought. What did he care if the punters perved on him.

He had to meet Merv at 9am, who told him to be ready to take his clothes off if he expected any chance of securing the position.

"There is always something younger and pretty, don't forget that." Merv sniffed what sounded like a huge gob of snot down the back of his throat, in an ear splitting rasp. "Sorry, got a touch of the fucken lurgy. Come in with clean jocks, as we'll be seeing them."

Mike's a big strapping boy with tree trunks for thighs and a solid arse his mates make fun of. But old Merv liked the look of him in his red nylon speedos at the swimming carnival. Merv couldn't keep his eyes off Mike's bulge.

"I bet that comes up real nice, hey Matt."

"Mike, it's Mike."

"Whatever. The jobs... um..." Merv's eyes glanced downwards again and his hand came out straight at Mike's crotch, so fast that Mike was only just successful at pushing the old goat's claw away. "yours...if ya..." Merv made a clicking sound deep in the back of his throat, twice. "play nice at the dress rehearsal." He looked up and winked at Mike. "If ya know what I mean, m'boy." He looked back down at Mike's crotch and ran his fat slug like tongue around his lips. Merv laughed. "I promise it wouldn't hurt a bit."

Josie V was getting across to her grans to change her feeding tube that is attached directly to her stomach. Gran smoked for far too many years and now her throat isn't any good for anything but the occasional polyp removal and a clean with a cotton tip where her trachea used to be. She can still get around, old Nan, but she's getting lazy about her food and her hygiene these last few months.

"Oh Josie, ya good and all and what would I do without ya, luv? And don't get me wrong, but if it weren't for you, I just down think I'd bother."

The machine like voice synthesiser just wasn't the same, Josie just couldn't get used to it. She missed her grans laconic Australian accent, even if she could somehow imagine it as the synthesised tones escaped from her grans neck.

Mike hoofed it across Marls Street right up behind Josie V, stepping it with her steps, marking her footprints behind her. She started to walk quicker, as did Mike, but only because he was running late, he was so absorbed with what lay just ahead of him he didn't, actually, take in Josie V walking in front of him, to any great extent.

Josie V was terrified that she was just about to be mugged. The guy running her down was twice as big as her and could very well over power her, no problems. Not one to shrink from a challenge, ever in her life, she half turned and eye Mike. "Sorry," she said. "Sorry." She recoiled as she spoke.

Mike went to step around her, just as she stepped in the same direction to avoid him and they collided, despite both of them heading in the same direction.

Josie V screamed. Mike thought he'd come in contact with a complete nutter. You know, screaming lady.

She backed up against the abandoned building, shaking as she wailed. Mike instinctively grabbed her by the arms to reassure her everything was alright. When she wouldn’t stop shrieking he put his hand over her mouth as he shhhh’d her.

“Stop! Please stop. I’m not going to hurt you. For fucks sake, shut up! Shut up!” He applied pressure to her face and she went silent, maybe more out of fear than compliance.

“I’m not going to hurt you, do you understand?”

Josie shook her head in the affirmative.

“Now I’m going to let go… please keep quiet.”

Josie shook her head in the affirmative once more.”

Mike pulled his hands away and Josie instantly punched him in the stomach. “Get your fucken hands off me!”

He held his hands in the air, the plastic bag he was holding fell to the ground, as he gasped for breath. “Sorry! I just wanted you to stop.”

“Talk about scaring me!” She punched him again, in the arm this time.

“Ouch! Fuck!” He turned away from her and she punched him in the back, and in his opposite arm. “Stop hitting me!” He held his hands across his chest protectively.

“What were you trying to do, tell me that?”

“Nothing, it was an accident.”

“Why did you run me down?”

“I’m going for a job interview. I’m late.” He looks at his phone. “Even later now thanks to you.”

“Thanks to me!”

“If you’d just get out of my way.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“I’ve got to go, I haven’t got time for this. I’m late for my interview.”

“Dressed like that?

“I’ve got to get changed when I get there.” He pointed to the plastic bag on the ground.

Josie picks up the plastic bag. “What’s in here?” She pulls out the small strip of black material. She started to laugh, she couldn’t help it. The shorts seemed so ridiculous. “What are you a prostitute?”

Mike exhaled loudly. “I fucken hope not.”

Josie looked surprised. “You hope not?”

Mike smiled sheepishly.

Josie laughed even harder, it all seemed so ridiculous all of a sudden. “I’m accosted by a call boy…”

“I’m not a fucken call boy…”

“What do you call these then?” She holds up the shorts in her right hand. “I call them your little black dress.”

He snatched them out of Josie’s hand. She was still laughing.

“Put them on,” she goaded. “I want to see you look all pretty for me.”

"Look I'm sorry for scaring you..."

"So, are you gay?"

"No."

"You don't look gay."

"I'm not."

"So what's with the shorts?"

"It's a gay bar."

"So, you are going to let men perve on you for money."

"They can touch, for tips."

"So, you are a call boy."

"No."

"Sounds like it."

"You gotta do what you gotta do. Gay guys think I'm hot and they've got money."

"You are hot."

"Thanks." Mike smiles his sexy smile.

"Well... good luck." Josie laughs. "I hope the guys have got small hands and big wallets."

"Me too."

I Got Myself Ready And Headed Over To Shady Gardens

My day off. Yay! If only that were really true. If only i could sit back and let my imagination flow out of me onto the page all day, in finally detailed prose, without a care. If only life was like that, if only it worked that way.

You know, when is it going to be my turn?

I got myself ready and headed over to Shady Gardens to see mum first up, without letting the day slip away to the point where I didn’t want to go.

If you are supposed to be doing something, it is hard to give your full concentration to something you are not supposed to be doing.

Lottie was by the front door pacing when I walked in. Always a part of the action, all her life, up front and centre, nothing has changed there. She was a treat, too – het up, agitated, I could see that straight away. Big eyes, exasperated expression. If only I could have backed out at that point! Disappeared. Become very small. 

She started banging on about wanting to leave, wanting to go to the nursing home up the road, on the corner, as soon as she clapped eyes on me. No letup – no hello, no how are you, no nice to see you.

"I'm not staying here a minute longer."

"I see. Really?"

"I'm ready to go to the other one."

"What other one?"

“You know the one, on the corner!”

“This is the one on the corner.”

“No, the other one! The other corner! You don’t know anything, do you!”

So, I said come to your room and we’ll talk there. She wasn’t making much sense today. She had packed all of her belongs in a suit case because, of course, she is leaving. 

"I'm leaving today."

"Today?"

"Yes, the nice man is taking me."

"What nice man?"

"The nice man."

"The nice man?"

"Yes, the man. The nice one." She looked at me like I was a dill.

She said that I hadn’t been to visit her for weeks. 

"You wouldn't care you haven't been in for... for... forever!"

“Oh mum!”

“How long!”

"A week."

"Nonsense!"

"A week!"

"Two, three!"

"No, just a week."

"Well, it seems longer."

"Well it's not."

"It seems like it."

"So, you said."

Of course, that is because (my brother) Will was down for the week and I didn’t go in on Friday. She said that Will was lovely. 

Of course. 

She said he didn’t keep telling her all the things she didn’t want to hear. 

Naturally. 

He just takes her on lovely drives. 

Absolutely.

I said that she only saw him once every six months and it was much easier for him. I only gave her the truth of the situation. She said she didn’t want to hear it. She said she didn’t like me anymore and that she didn’t want me to come and visit her any more. 

I said she should be careful what she wishes for. (I know, I shouldn't have.)

And then she stormed out of her room.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore!"

The room was silent, I contemplated just sitting there. I eyed off the pillow with intent. I swear if she comes back...

I then went out to chat to Jenny. "I'm sorry about yesterday." They called and wanted me to go over, when Jenny was off shift, as Lottie was distressed about leaving. They wanted me to calm her down.

"I didn’t mind about that," I said. 

I would have come over if Sam and I hadn’t just... um... er... ordered pizza, not that I told Jenny that. It somehow morphed into that I was waiting for people to arrive for dinner... the pizza boy, in fact... as I was making my excuse as to why I couldn't come over.

Mark laughed at that, when I told him. So, pizza is now more important than your mother?

At 9pm on a Sunday night when I haven't eaten, it is. Lottie is in luxury accommodation.

Jenny said she’d been in touch with mum’s doctor... at which point, I asked, "Can we could drug her?" Mark and I had talked about it before I left home.

Jenny laughed. "That is why she’d been in touch with the doctor, to see if we could get a calmative, by fax. If not, you'll have to take her to see the doctor yourself."

"Monday or Friday."

"Friday."

She thought a calmative would do Lottie a lot of good, reduce her anxiety. “Sometimes it is just what a resident needs to help them through the day. Allow her to see things calmly. It wouldn’t leave her drowsy or anything...”

“I’m all for it,” I said. I didn’t care if it left her drowsy, quite frankly. “Let’s just pill her out.”

Jenny raised her eyebrows and smiled.

Now, I have to take Lottie to the doctor. I wonder how I put it to the doctor?

The Story of the Frog

A little frog lived in a well.

The little frog was born in the well and had never ventured from it, so the little frog naturally thought that the universe was his well. One day the little frog heard a voice coming from above. The little frog thought that the voice must be God calling! What else could it be, but some greater being speaking down from above?

The voice was the little frog’s wake-up call and he jumped and jumped and jumped up the side of the well to the ledge near the top. When he reached the ledge all he could see was another frog sitting upon the top of the well.

“Are you God?” the little frog asked.

“No, not at all," said the other frog. "I am a traveller seeking truth.”

“Where are you traveling to?"  asked the little frog. "And what are you seeking?”

“I am traveling to the coast to see the ocean.”

The little frog was bewildered by the visitor’s answer. “What do you mean by ocean?”

“The ocean is a huge expanse of water.”

The little frog thought for a while. “Ah, the ocean is like a big well.”

“Yes, I suppose you could say the ocean is like that, but the ocean is, of course, very much larger.”

“I see," said the little frog. "The ocean is much larger than my well. Is it ten times bigger than my well?”

“No, it is much bigger.”

“Is it a hundred times bigger?”

“No, it is much larger than a hundred times bigger than your well.”

“This is all beyond my understanding." The little frog was now even more bewildered. "What you are saying is that this ocean you talk of, is maybe, even a thousand times bigger than my well, possibly even ten thousand times. I don’t think I want to hear anymore. I could get lost in such a big well.”

“Well, I’ll be on my way," said the other frog. "I have a long and tiring journey ahead of me. Good day to you.”

“Good bye,” said the little frog. And he scrambled back down to the safety of his own well, of his own world.

I’ve been blessed to meet an enlightened Master, thought the little frog, who has explained to me that the place beyond my well is a large place the size of which I can't even imagine. My mind cannot cope with such immensity, it's not something I can make any sense of. He has to be divine, and it has to be heaven that he speaks of.