How do I feel? (Day 4)

The constant gnawing and the gentle lightness in the relief; a juxtaposition of amazing opposites. It’s a good, freeing feeling and a slow, nagging shrinkage of essential fuel for every cell – although ever cell, actually, feels so much better, if they could only stop kidding themselves and acknowledge that the change is for the good. Every thing is better; breathing, lungs, warmth of the peripheries. I've got toasty feet, which can be some what distracting. Not to mention sleep, which is as light as a souffle and as fulfilling as one hundred nights of slumber.

Grumpy leg and grumpy arm syndrome, actually, feel good; comforting, alive and fulfilling, like feeling is returning. Clean – like the disruption is facilitated with mountain fresh water… and good intentions. Without the constant poison of cigarettes, there is a certain lightness of being.

It’s all good. Maybe the angsty feeling is “normal” and it’s just that I've smoked for so long that I can’t recognise it, any longer.

The secret is to just stop thinking about it, to get it out of your head, but I want to scream out loud and rage against the world and I want to shrink myself down into the smallest, stillest ball.
I feel like a rat-bag with the best of intentions.

I'm already snotting up and coughing up crap, which is truly delightful, but this weird cold that I have had may have something to do with that. The dry, hacking cough. You should see the tissue, first thing in the morning. Eew! But, as Lottie says, It's better to get it out than in.

Rachael, at work, has had the same cold. She is on her second batch of antibiotics in an attempt to get rid of it. Maybe, I need some drugs too?