Alex came over, Friday night. The last of the three, Libran, males I met one after the other, as Alex says, a half year ago. Mitchell, Kaine and Alex. David always asks. Except, Alex is a Leo. I always knew that. I changed it for David’s benefit, for the symmetry, for the wonder. David likes it that way. It gives his new-age universe meaning. What is the universe trying to say? Oh the mystery. I so wanted Alex to say Libran when I first asked him. I heard L as he began to answer. My heart raced. It was nearly Libran, close. As good as. So I changed it. You know, never let the facts get in the way of a good story.
David was intrigued.
Alex’s got that sweet/dirty thing going on. Angelic face, filthy mind. Appears sweet and innocent, the turned lip corner should give it away. Big, brown eyes. He’s passionate, warm, sweet, he feels good, he smells good. He kisses like he gives you his heart, you can feel it beat through him, as he hugs. Then he lays his head on its side, back of the couch, pillow and gazes at me with his beautiful brown eyes.
He bought over e’s, just like that. It surprised me. We've never even talked about drugs before. I told him to take them, as I get a bit spaced and insular on them now a days. I’m just better off them, more present, more focused to enjoy the moment. So he was real keen after two, let me tell you. Gorgeous. Playful. Intense. Sleepy. Contented. Like putty in my hands. A beautiful way to spend an afternoon.
We've both got grazed chins.
I haven’t slept with someone for the entire night, for I don’t know how long. I don't know why. I've shied away from it with the guys I've been with. Selfish, maybe. I'm hot in bed, I burn up in anyone's embrace. I do like my space. Mornings are mine, I claim them for me. But Alex has that quiet strength about him. Groundedness. Quiet and strong. Doesn't waste words. I asked him what he thought if I said he was an old soul and he smiled, actually, gazed cross-eyed, to be truthful. Reached out, touched my face. He was more pleased when I call him a sexy man, rather than a sexy boy. He hates that. He turns 35 in a few days, but, I guess, he still does have a boyish face. I just don’t see him that way. He's a man. He was the first guy in a long time, in my gay catch and release program, who hasn't been released until the next day. Funny. I didn't sweat in his arms. It was nice.
Just after midnight, he rubbed his nose against my neck and complained about me flagging, after hours.
Sheesh.
Look at you.
“Let’s get something to eat?” I say.
I come down stairs to have a joint with Shane who was watching teev. It seemed only reasonable. I’d been magnanimous with the recreationals, not that anyone questioned it. Alex wanted to learn how to smoke joints, as he sat next to me, his teeth chattering gently.
“Take a drag. Open your mouth. Inhale.”
He coughs through every round, not missing one. Shane and I laugh. Alex doesn't complain, it’s not in his nature. He wipes the tears out of his eyes, as he reaches for the joint the next time around.
Sweet smile.
The open fire crackles, two clouds of grey smoke puff out from Alex’s lungs as he coughs, again. Weeds plays on the TV. Both Shane and I chuckle at Alex.
“Doing well,” I say. “Even though I don’t recommend it.” I would warn against learning to smoke dope, to be honest.
We have a pillow confessional; you know how they are on pills. He says he’s done bad things that I may not like him for once I know. I say he has to tell me. He tells me he’s got a boyfriend. I tell him I already know. He’s surprised, he thought he was lying to me and it was making him feel bad.
“You told me the first time we met. You didn't say much, but you said you had one,” I say. “Is that the only bad thing?
“That and the drugs.” And that he’s cheating on his boyfriend. But his boyfriend never wants to do anything. Non-scene, suburban queens.
“I told you?”
“Yep.”
“And you’re okay with it?”
“Sure. That’s how it’s always been.”
“That’s great.” Big grin.
He wants to go to Sircuit, as he’s never been. South side queens. Then he wants to go to the sauna. He’s been to a sauna, but only overseas, when he has been away.
I decline, to start with. I don’t want to go out. Okay, he says. He shrugs. I think of the boring boyfriend and slap his arse and say, Put your clothes on.
The next thing we're walking down Gertrude Street in the dark of the night. The clubs are pumping. The streets are buzzing. I take his hand and guide him through the people arranged across the footpath. His boy friend will never hold his hand. He smiles, as I look back. I squeeze his fingers tight.
He tells me there’s been a guy who’s bothering him, some kid from uni, who won’t take no for an answer, doesn't believe Alex has a boyfriend, because his boyfriend never goes out anywhere. Alex had his own signage company, before he decided to change his life and go back to uni.
“If we see him, I’m telling him you’re my boyfriend.”
"Sure." Shrug. "Okay." wry smile, which I can't help.
We do a lap of Sircuit, then head to the sauna. I hug him and kiss him in Smith Street. He looks nervous, but likes it. We kiss and play with each other in the video room. I fuck him in a sling for the first time. He says, Open the door. Dirty smile. Guys are all the same. Wow! Me the poster child for monogamy, heaven help the world.
We do another lap of Sircuit, on the way home. I take him upstairs and show him the sex club. His eyes are burning, as he looks around. I lose him on a corner, we head in different directions. Then he’s next to me.
“He’s here, come with me.” We head to a guy standing with his foot against a wall, near the door, the light shines in, preppy.
“Paul, this is Christian. Christian, Paul.”
“Nice to meet you,” I say. I give him my best alpha male hand shake. I resisted the urge to call him mate. He doesn't speak. I think he smiles, could have been a sneer, in the slash of shadows against the black wall. Then he looks back at Alex. Alex looks at me. I nod my head towards the door. Secret world of lovers. Alex nods his head in agreement. We both smile. We both head downstairs without looking back.
.JPG)
