Tuesday, August 19, 2008

As The Day Fades Away

It's amazing how much guilt I felt lying around in bed watching teev. I don't know how many times I thought I shouldn't be doing this. I guess it's going to take a little longer to wind down?


What did I do this morning? The day just seemed to rush away. I don't remember what I did? And I've only been smoking cigarettes, the registered brand name, you understand. I did wake with a head ache, which I battled all morning, I guess I should mention that. Mark is probably right when he asked me how much water I had been drinking. Usually, at work, I have a glass of water that I drink all day, in the last few days I haven't drunk any. Hence why I was in bed watching Will & Grace. I finally gave into the head ache, with an "Oh fuck it, you win, I'm going to lay my head down."

I remember what I did this morning, something I rarely do, I read my old blog from years passed. It wasn't bad either.

I emailed Charlie and, almost, organised a bike ride together, for the weekend. As long as I don't laugh, as he, inadvertently, bought a girl's bike - although, how you do that, I'm not sure. When I questioned him about it, he said it is a hybrid bike (I know not what that is?) and said that the girl's and boy's versions were practically the same thing. So, it's not a bike with a white, wicker basket and streamers out the handlebars, I'm assuming.



Subject: Hello there


Hey Charlie

Sorry about brunch, but I didn’t get home from the country until late. 

christian 


Subject: Hello there


no prob. 

glad you took full advantage of your first off-day. 

Kind Regards

E(ddie)


Subject: Hello there


How was your holiday?

After reviving the open fire, I’m just sitting here wondering what to do with myself.

christian


Subject: Hello there


hmmm 

Start writing? 

Or get a book ending with a word "... crisis"? 

lol 😝

Kind Regards

C(harlie)


Subject: Hello there


He he. 

I meant, I was wondering what I should do first. You know, time is now on my side. Should I stay home and write, should I go and ride my bike, should I… 

Decisions, decisions. 


Subject: Hello there


hahaha.. bike sounds fun 

I would do bike but getting the first step is the harddest... 

one you out of the door, you will feel better after 

otherwise, it will be the same thing day after day.. wondering and not doing anything.. hahaha 

Kind Regards

C(harlie)


Subject: Hello there


Yes, true. Get back into shape, after too long sitting down in an office. 

I’m aiming for an hour’s bike ride each morning, to start the day. Of course, I haven’t managed it for my first two days. Oh well. Tomorrow. 

(christian)


Subject: Hello there


i can join u next time. 

but dun laugh at my bike, cos I bought the wrong bike. I bought a woman one. 

Kind Regards

C(harlie)


Subject: Hello there


Come join me.

I wouldn’t laugh – not sure how you did that though?

We could ride along the Yarra bike paths together.

(christian)


Subject: Hello there


It was a hybrid bike... won’t be obvious...

the top bar was slightly down and not straight, which I thot all hybrid bikes are like that 

yarra paths are fun, i used to do it in the north side, havent done the south paths yet. 

Kind Regards

C(harlie)


Subject: Hello there


Well, we’ll have to do them.

(christian)


Subject: Hello there


kewl.. 

am ok to do brunch this sat or sun 

let me know 

Kind Regards

C(harlie)



I got up late, 9.30am, which is late for me, even on the weekends I'm up before 9am. I wrote my journal, my private and unpublished one, caught up four days. I watched porn and ate my muesli.


Busy Tuesday





The afternoon sky is grey and cloudy. The light is on soft focus.

I'm lying in bed, with a cup of tea, watching season 6 of Will & Grace.

Yes, it's all go, go, fucken go, here!


Monday, August 18, 2008

Two of the Best Looking Boys in the Game






Nice Smile, Good Heart







David asked me what I wanted in a boyfriend. I gave him a great, long list; thirty something, same height or shorter, wog boy, hairy chest, job, car, friends, sensitive nipples, foreskin...

Then I said, "Actually, scrap that. All I need is a nice smile and a good heart, everything else is optional."

David said, "Really? That's all you need."

"Yep, that's all I need."

David said he was impressed.

“And, perhaps, if he could do handstands on the beach, then well…” I joked.

We both laughed.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Sunday in The Country





Raymond & Jeff come to visit. So does LouLou. 

It’s lovely having people come to visit up in the country. This house just is that kind of house. We go for long walks in the forest. We eat good food and chat away.

Mark is unhappy about Luke, because he hasn’t heard from him since he waved him goodbye in Hanoi. A bit of a misery, really. Luke hasn’t made contact since he went to Cambodia, a few days ago.

I'm supposed to be having brunch with Charlie, today, in Fitzroy. He's been in Singapore, he got back Friday. He seemed keen before he left, saying he wanted to go out together on Sunday. He hasn't messaged me, though.

Should I call him? Should I wait for him? Or should I contact him?

I should pursue the friendship, standing back (one of my worst habits) never works, unless you are Ford Model ha ha, however you want to put it. Making friends from work, not something I do every day? Win him over? How do you do these things? Sitting back, rarely works, I know that. I think it's time to just take a step forward, have confidence.

Do you wanna come out and play? Kind of sounds like I’m back at school.

I'll see.

But, I am too comfortable deposited away in the country today.

Jane and Jay arrive late in the day, just before I head home to the city. I don’t really want to go, but I do.


Saturday, August 16, 2008

In the Country





A rainy, old, country day. We went for walks with umbrellas and gumboots; fed the emus and saw how full the new lake is. I love those days in our bushland when the rain falls and the rest of the world seems so much further away. Tucked away in our forest, Mark and me.

We went into town and had lunch – we got dinner, when we were there. Neither of us felt like cooking. Then we put our feet up, in front of the open fire and watched the day drift by. It was TV until late, with the open fire burning. 


Friday, August 15, 2008





The Last Day

We had drinks, after work, for me and one of the other girls who was leaving, late in the afternoon. The CEO seemed, genuinely, pleased that I was going to return. All of my department said they'd miss after five years in the place, apparently, I'm the one who makes them all laugh. All the HR girls kissed me and said they'd be lost without me. They joked about calling me at home on Monday. The HR Director said she didn't know what she was going to do about all the knowledge, in my head, walking out the door. I blabbed about the writing I was going to do, sometimes I, just, can't keep my mouth shut. I always seem to have to tell everybody everything.

And then it was done. I left at 17.30, having only drank coke, as I wanted to drive to Bolago to see Mark, who got home at lunch time.

I thought I'd feel weird walking out the door for the last time, but I didn't. I guess it was the fact that I wasn't leaving for good, but just for a time. I was thinking more about driving to the country and seeing Mark.

I didn't feel the rush of freedom, as I thought I'd feel, I guess that will come.

Mark W., who is also on six months leave, said it took him 2 months to wind down. I hope it's not going to take me that long, but...

It rained all the way up the Calder, it was glorious to see. Pitter pat on my windscreen, washing the dust away. (I must get my intermittent wipers fixed, they have developed a mind of their own, of late)


Thursday, August 14, 2008





I was on the tram, gazing at a big, dark boofa. You know the deal; distracted, gazing at the bulge, not really caring if he sees me looking.

SMS. 08.49. Stuck in traffic – Beck

Oh yes, Beck, I thought. Clearly, she has left late, or was just leaving when she sent that message. Beck is late every day and if she really was stuck in traffic, she would have messaged me after 9am. 

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t care, she works back every second day, she deserves not to come in until 10am.

Every thing could happen on September 15th. Big day! Think very carefully about your future... when you are off work.


Subject: 2 days


I can feel myself stopping caring at work. Is that a bad thing? 

(Christian)


Subject: 2 days


I think that happened a long time ago... 

I feel myself stop caring about my marriage, is that a bad thing? (oh that happened a long time ago too!!)

(Rachel)


Subject: 2 days


I can feel it coming upon me in the last day, or so. Oh, when will this week ever end? But, then what am I going to do? Ah! Go broke, like all the other dimbos who thought they could leave work and live happily ever after? 

We need a get rich scheme... one that works. 

(Christian)


Subject: 2 days


property development.... 

tattslotto 

prostitution 

(Rachel)


Subject: 2 days


I might have given prostitution a go a few years back 

tattslotto I have been doing for 30 years 

property development, well now... 

Maybe I'll just sit back and put my feet up first 

(Christian)


Subject: 2 days


sleep in every day, go out for dinner, drink too much, eat too much & smile like a contented cat (just don't smoke OK!)

(Rachel)


Subject: 2 days


Ok

christian


Subject: hello, goodbye


Hey Christiannie G, I hear tomorrow's your last day at [the black law firm] for a while. I'll miss your hilarious email banter and meeting up for Frid lunches with you and the chicks.

Take care of yourself and I hope you have a terrific time over the next few months. Make sure you do stuff to make me envious...!

k(ate)


Subject: hello, goodbye


I'm going skiing in Canada 

Swimming in the Mediterranean 

fishing in Iceland 

mountain climbing in Peru 

Dancing (with bells) in Bavaria 

noodle shopping in Tokyo – with sake, which I have always found to be the most dangerous of all the alcohol 

partying in New York 

theatre going in London 

water skiing in Sydney Harbour 

and finally resting in Port Douglas 

And of course, just being cool in Fitzroy... 

hows that for a green complexion? 

(Christian)


Subject: hello, goodbye


green all over ... call me shrek!!

(Kate)


Subject: hello, goodbye


would that be Princess Shrek?

(Christian)


Subject: hello, goodbye


mmm...yes pls. i don't to be a real ogre, just an ogre in disguise

(Kate)


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

3 days





Two more sleeps. I was late yesterday, didn't get there until about 10am. Slept in was the official word. Actually, I pushed up date on my computer, as I was messing around on it in the morning and the damn thing took an hour to download. Bugger! Why stress. Who cares. What are they going to do, sack me?


Sometimes, I have small terrors, like when I'm walking down Bourke Street or driving in my car. They come upon in a shiver, the sense of what-have-I-done rushing in my brain. Who do I think I am, giving it all up? Oh my, my, will I be okay?

I look at the punters around me, standing at the intersection, or my fellow car drivers at the lights.

We're so connected to the mice running on the wheel. Just keep going. Consumerism is the disease, it's killing the world, actually. Keep juggling, Jack... we all get our arses wiped in the end.

I look at there expressionless faces and I know, I want to do something different, even if just for a while.

This is going to be great, I think. I walk on the green man. I slip the car into gear.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Charlie





Charlie went to Singapore this week for a holiday. He said he was disappointed not to be there for my last day. We had lunch together on Friday - he wanted my mobile number and my email address, so he could keep in contact. He said he was on Facebook, but Charlie Chen is a very common name, let me tell you and I can't find him. Who'd have thought. He wants to have brunch on Sunday, he even wants to come over to my side of the city. Yes, he's a southsider.

"Oh?" say my friends when I tell them.

"Prahran?" they ask tentatively.

"Actually, worse," I say.

"Not Brighton?" one friend asked aghast, as if I couldn't even consider such a liaison.

That made me laugh. Brighton people are the real nouveau riche and awful, I have found from my experience.

"No," I say. "He lives in the namesake of the Southside."

No one gets that. 

It’s just nice to make friends with a ‘normal’ person from work. I don’t think I have ever made a gay, male friend from work before. No, I haven’t. There is something about making a gay male friend, that a straight male friend will never be the same.

We’ll see, I guess. 


Monday, August 11, 2008

5 Days





I week to go. 4 shirts to iron. No more washing needed. This time next week I should be, well, asleep, at this time of the day, hopefully. 5 working days and then I'm off for 6 months. A little coffee, a smoke, midday, lovely. Can hardly wait. No more morning alarms.

I, almost, can't be bothered to make the effort today. I'm certainly not going to put too much effort into getting there by 9am. What is going to be my motivation each morning all week? Next Monday, I guess. Just keep thinking about next Monday, that's all I can do.

Ah, the great work ethic. I guess it keeps us all off the streets during the day.


Sunday, August 10, 2008

Cristiano Ronaldo... I think I'm in love









Taken in Hand

David just arrived home. "Darling, it is outer fucking Mongolia out there, I tell you." He laughed. "Seriously." David suffers with the cold. Actually, he's just spoilt and pampered and wants his life to be regulated at a constant 25-30 degrees. He's been out working. Met his accountant at Birdman Eating and is now off to yoga. I guess that's one of the advantages of not working 9 to 5, the days get more of an even weighting.

All I've done is turn on my computer, brew coffee and roll a joint.

David cornered me in the kitchen, on Thursday night, with some new self-help book - he's an addicted for self-help books. This one is about unlocking your creative energies, no matter what artistic medium is your own. Bottom line, according to this bitch, I should be able to write 3 pages a day when I'm off work. David has a way of locking into the information presented and not letting it go. I came up with many and varied excuses, all of which were shot down with a dogged determination to stick to the rules as presented.

"So you can't write 3 pages a day?" said David. "Is that what you are saying?"

"Well, um, yes, of course I can, if..."

"Good." At which point he produced a calender and roughly ascertained that I could have my screen play finished by mid-September.

"But, that's if you know what you are writing..."

"A writer writes?" said David. "Isn't that what you always say?"

"Well, um, yes," I offered.

"I get back from Hawaii on September 14th," said David. "I'll expect a finished draft waiting for me to read." He eye-balled me, as if daring me to come up with any more excuses.

I got the distinct impression that David was thinking of writing a book himself, probably a yoga book, from the tone and interest he was taking in the theories behind what he was saying.

I wanted to tell him is knowledge was scant and his interpretation, although I haven't read the book to which he is referring, possibly naive, but... I had no excuses I wanted to use. Truth is, it's nice when someone takes an interest... really. If I want to write, I, actually, have to sit down and do it. May be, I need someone to push me?

 

Saturday, August 09, 2008

The Olympic Village






"There's a lot of sex going on," US javelin thrower Breaux Greer said of the Sydney and Athens Olympics Villages.

"You get a lot of people who are in shape... testosterone's up and everybody's, pretty much, attracted to everybody."

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Hump Day

On the way home, I stepped out of the Chemist without looking. Yes, one of my pet hates, I grant you. Call me a hypocrite, I deserve it. Point now and call names. Well, vinyl coat lady must have thought the same thing, must have been one of her pet hates too. She proceeded to walk on top of me, in a cretinously-determined way. Her rudeness knew no bounds, I thought, I'm not having this! Well, don't ask me how it happened, my hand/eye coordination usually isn't so great, but as she walked on my feet, proceeding to turn left into Queens Street, attempting to trample me in the process, my foot, on a forward movement, caught her heal, on a backward movement and, sadly for all concerned, down she went. Face first to meet the footpath coming up at her. Splayed across the bitumen like the proverbial bag of shit.

The lights on Queen Street were green, the little green man flashed evocatively, as I stepped onto the road, as others rushed to vinyl-coat lady's aid.

I didn't look back. I proceed straight ahead, as steady as a Galleon, as Ruth Grenfell would have said.

That’s how I imagined it to happen, any way. Of course, she didn’t fall over. She got ahead of me and cut across in front of me and headed up Queen Street, without an excuse me, like she had a universally given right. She was too quick for me.

I was surprised at my anger, though and how quickly I plotted her death. I was pissed off about it for two blocks, I couldn't let it go. I was more surprised about that than any of her rudeness.

I thought, I was in a good mood. Bag day, Christian?


I think I am more stressed about giving up work than I realise.


Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Blondes and animals

Tra La, La, How Many Days?

My lunch times, for the last week, or so, have not been about daring to having a muffin, or not, they have been about which muffin will compliment my Rocky Road Slice the best. Of course, I'm going to be doing health, health, health, once I'm off on leave, so it is, perfectly, understandable for me to have a bit of a binge now. Right? Right!

As I read the newspaper, I think,

The story of the serial rapist tells us that the moral is, that if you are going to drug and rape anyone, don't video the crime as evidence. John whatever his name is, Greek name, would have got away with it and the victims would have been none the wiser, if he hadn't filmed it.

That was my first thought.

I wonder if I'm eating too much sugar? I wonder about my conclusions? Was he the hot chocolate rapist? I laugh and immediately rebuke myself. I looked around to see if anyone could see what I was laughing about. The moral of the story is clearly don't accept drinks from strange men... my mother always told me that.

I read about the Brunswick man who has just been found guilty of spreading the AIDS virus deliberately. Well, of course, they would find him guilty. We live in a homophobic world, after all. You can't give anyone the virus, unless it's rape, of course. The basis of safe sex working is that everyone is responsible for themselves.

Poor form if they drug you, though. No, that's not playing by the rules.

Oh, the newspapers, just full of joy, really. The lives some people lead, it's mind-boggling. Why can't we have the latest medical discovery? The latest art masterpiece. The newest archaeological discovery. The brightest Mars photos. Why does it always have to be car crash events? Maybe, that's just a comment on my reading material?

I wondered about the jam donuts, sitting on the counter, fresh and sugary. Apparently, they have plum jam in them. I smile at the cute guy in a suit, walking passed. He smiles back.


Monday, August 04, 2008

Blush. 'Scue Me Sister





I rubbed my c*ck against the a*se of a nun, on my way home. I thought, that's not something that happens every day.

It was a packed tram. She kept backing back. I had a wall behind me, I was pushing back for all my life, let me tell you.

She didn't stop, she kept coming.

Ah! There you go!

I tried to catch her eye later, when the tram had thinned out, after the CBD, to see if she had a half smirk. Haha. Just a hint and a momentary glint in her eye, but she didn't look at me, too busy with, what looked like, orphans.

 

 


Sunday, August 03, 2008

Water on Mars

They have found water on Mars. Now, why wasn't that headline news?

What do we get instead? News polls.

Don't you just love those newspaper polls?

"Do you think binge drinking is out of control in Melbourne?"

Well, of course they do Herald Sun, you've been telling them for months that it is. They'd probably jump off a cliff, if you told them to.

Weekend football

 


Love the cuddly ones


Boys Night Out (alternate ending)




We were all out together, late, celebrating another friend’s birthday. We’d danced. We’d drunk. We’d laughed. At around 2am, I wanted to leave. The others had left earlier, somehow I felt free as a bird. So I stayed out late on a puff on tina, maybe a few puffs and I picked up a drunk straight boy, Andre. A friend in my group of friends. I had a vague thought about Club 80, but, kind of knew, once I got home, a joint, I wouldn’t venture out again.

Andre and I knew each other kind of well. It was only because of locality that we were thrust together; he lives in Carlton, we decided to share a taxi.

Andre’s cute, sexy really. Strawberry blond hair, blue eyes, athletic, lean, muscular. He had on an acubra and a black singlet. His face was in shadow under the peak, as he smiled at me bleary-eyed in the back of the taxi. We’d all done drugs, we were messy.

He used to smile when I checked out his sizeable bulge on the dance floor; dance away, float on the music. He's got solid thighs that fame a bulge worth looking at.

“What are you like, drunk,” I said. He looked so funny, eyes half closed, grinning, flushed red, sweating.

He laughed. “I become a bit of an exhibitionist,” he said. He’d misunderstood the question, but the answer was interesting.

Andre was one of the fringe straight boys of our group. He’d started off as a school buddy of one of the gay boys. He screwed one of our girlfriends’, for a time. A Greek girl, before she headed back to the homeland for good, never to be seen again. They’d had an on again off again relationship, which lasted long enough for Andre to endear himself into our group without too many problems.

He looked sexy.

“Do drugs make you horny?” I asked. My confidence was up.

He smiled self consciously and pushed down on his lap, subconsciously, and laughed. “All I need now is a joint and he’d be talking to me.” He looked down at his crotch, then looked back at me and raised his eyebrows, as if to say, you know what I mean.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve got pot.”

"Sweet."

The taxi stopped in front of my place. Andre gave the taxi driver a bunch of notes and then got out with me. The taxi drove away.

I looked through my keys, more by feel than by sight. It was dark.

"So, is this what it's like?"

"What?" I said. I flicked the keys through my fingers, not really concentrating on Andre.

"To pick up another guy," said Andre. "Take him home. Get to his place."

I found my key.

"The anticipation?"

I headed to the gate. "Usually, we'd be stealing looks at each other, at this stage." I looked back "You know, make sure you picked right." I took him in with a long gaze. "Weren't too drunk, too out of it, whatever."

I pushed the gate, it squeaked. The hibiscus stroked the top of my head. "Duck," I whispered. I stepped to the door and dropped my keys, just as I went to push them into the lock.

"Fuck," I said.

"Dropped your keys, mate?" he slurred. Then he giggled that drunk boy giggle.

My fingers caught the ring of metal, by my foot. The front door key has a plastic trim thing, just for such occasions. It's fatter and curvy. I held it tight between my fingers.


Just one lamp was on. The fire was still burning. I threw some more wood on, some smaller bits to make it burn. I got the mull bowl and sat down with it on the big couch. Andre was unsteady on his feet. He stood in front of the fire, naturally.

"So the big gay house, hey?"

"The big gay house," I said. I reached for cigarettes. "I haven't heard it referred to as that for a while." The (ex)party house still had a reputation in some parts. I licked the edge of the cigarette and it fell apart.

"All you guys were out tonight," said Andre. "That's a rarity."

I didn't think that was true. I pulled a bud from the bag. Shane was out more, than David or me, but we were out often enough. "All toey, I guess," I said. I looked up, as I started to grind the mix, gazing at Andre's jeans. I looked up.

He smiled. "Shane picked up."

"Matt." I smiled back. The mix was done, I put the grinder down.

"Well, David did?"

"Maybe?" I picked one of Shane's old business cards and the red scissors. "He said he wasn't coming home. Staying with a friend." I cut the roach. "Maybe?" I rolled the thin strip of card up and slid it into the rolling machine.

Andre's eyes were half closed. He bounced on the balls of his feet. Click. A perfectly cylindrical joint rolled out of the top of the rolling machine.

"Sure wish I picked up, speaking of toey." he rubbed his hands down his thighs, as though he wanted to be rubbing something else.

I handed him the joint in one hand and a lighter in the other.

"I've got porn. David's not home. I can tell you he'd love you to jack off in his bed."

Andre lit the joint and inhaled deeply. He inhaled a second time.

"That's the best offer." He exhaled in a balloon of smoke. "I've had all night," said Andre. He sucked on the joint twice more, before he handed it back to me.

He rotated in front of the fire. Nice chunky arse. his jeans fitted him well. Well defined crack up the middle.

"Relieve the tension," I said.

Both his hands slid in front of him.

"Guys who don't jack off are like girls on the rag. They get moody and bitchy," said Andre. "I know I do, if it's been a few days."

He squeezed his shoulders together and pushed his arms straight gown in front of him.

"Gay or straight," I said.

He rotated back to face me, clasping his hands behind him.

"If you say you don't wank you're a liar," said Andre. "A fool if you say that you do."

I could see his cock out to the left in the front of his pants.

"Why? Because somebody will want to touch it?" I said.

He slid his hands in front of him, intertwining his fingers.

"I can't imagine any dude who does not masturbate." He pushed his hands against the front of his jeans. "I don't care how much sex they get, guys are still going do it, cause there is something special about jerking off." said Andre. "You can totally control the pleasure, you can fantasize about that dude you saw at the mall, or that babe you want to fuck, whatever. It's just a major part of EVERY guys sex life." He smiled. "I mean why the hell would anyone deprive themselves of man's greatest pastime?"

He had a big, sexy grin on his face. I was getting turned on. I wanted to say, go on then.

I handed him the joint. I'm sure the bulge in his pants was getting bigger, as he took the joint. He put it to his lips and looked down his front, as he inhaled. He leant back against the mantle piece and exhaled the smoke towards the ceiling, pointing his crotch out. I lay back in the couch. His jeans were definitely fuller. He watched me gazing at his crotch, with that flushed, expectant look on his face.

He handed the joint back to me.

"So, what now?" he said in a husky voice. He cleared his throat, holding my gaze.

He held the joint out to me. A dragged hard and lay my head against the back of the couch."I dunno. I'm fucked." All I wanted to do was suck Andre's cock. Hey, I'm only human.

My neck felt good, all of a sudden, with the weight of my head taken away. I could have just closed my eyes and drifted off.

"You know, my shin really hurts," said Andre. "Where I banged it."

He tried to pull the leg of his jeans up, but couldn't. The next thing he had his jeans around his ankles. Pale blue Y-fronts. Muscled legs.

I nearly laughed. Kind of a nervous reaction. I stuffed the joint in my mouth and drew in long and hard. I didn't know what to say. It seemed like such a cliché.

"You got any detol?" He had blood on his right shin.

I got detol water and cotton wool things. Andrea sat on the coffee table. His jocks kind of loose. His cock lay down and to the right. I took the back of his calf with my hand, it was warm and thick, muscular, smooth and pulled his leg forward and bathed the graze. He flinched and inhaled. I gazed down his thighs to his legs disappearing into his underwear. I dabbed the wound. His balls pushed out the blue cotton, big and round. His cock pushed at the material, round like a cransky sausage.

"Oh," he moaned.

"Sorry," I said. I could feel the warmth of his body near mine. "I don't think you need a bandage." Once cleaned, he had just a red mark on his skin.

"Thanks."

"Done," I said.

He stood up in front of me. I could smell his sweat. I sat back on the carpet and freely gazed at the tasty bulge in his briefs. He looked at me through his peripheral vision, all the time pretending to be looking at his damaged shin.

He pulled his jeans up. "Feels better."


Saturday, August 02, 2008

Oh, Saturday Morning





We got shit-faced on sake, wine, pot and valium - our German house guest, L, handed them around. You should have seen David's eyes light up, his students would be surprised. I think Sebastian was responsible for the sake. L then passed some hi-tech phone around with a video of him masturbating for his Italian boyfriend, which he was just about to send to him. Shane said he felt soiled, but David wanted L to get it out there and then so he could inspect L's foreskin. Mark W. was very pissed and flung things off the coffee table towards the fire, until he was reprimanded. Actually, by me.

"Christian, you say don't throw things in the fire, as if I'd, actually, do it."

"Mark, you said it like you, actually, would."

I'd like to think Mark W. and I flirt, but I have no idea what he thinks.

Mark's on probation, Mark W. and Matt usually have to be kept separate, can't be in the same room, they don't play well together. (Mark blames Matt for the breakup. Matt thinks Mark W. should move on and leave Shane alone) Shane's starting to mix them, so Mark W. isn't feeling like he is left out quite so often. We talked. We laughed.

Mark W had to be encouraged to leave. Sebastian had clearly had enough of Mark's antics when he said he was leaving and Mark W. asked him if he'd drive him home. "Um... er... okay, I guess, " said Sebastian. David went to bed first. Matt went to see a man about a dog, actually, something about music he is remixing for someone. L, who now lives in quiet old Brisbane, with his husband, didn't want to got to sleep as he was having more fun than he could remember when, but had to meet with a bunch of Christians this morning. I know, shudder! It's some study L is doing.

Shane and I settled in with the mull bowl and the carafe to watch Will & Grace, season six and season seven.

I woke to the cold of the dead open fire, a black TV and a shiver, as though someone had just walked over my grave, to see Shane looking at me with a screwed up face.

"I'm going t..." Shane got up and tripped over the corner of the coffee table.

"It's...um... 6.30am." I was trying to focus on my, overly, bright mobile phone. I had to close one eye to see.

"Jesus, fuck!" and Shane was gone.


Matt appeared at the door. "I'm glad you two are awake... I didn't know what I was going to do."

"What have you been..."

"I've been dancing with the guys under the lights." He raised his hands over his head and grooved to himself.

"Who?"

He told me, I didn't recognise the name. The big job he's got. He'd told me. I'd forgot. I think he looked hurt, but wasn't sure if that was the sake, wine, pot or valium clouding my judgement.

He seemed to be very active, alert, up and on.


I'm supposed to be taking my mother shopping, this morning. Oh, the pain!

There is nothing cuter than a cat yawning.

 

Friday, August 01, 2008

Lauri said, If the python scared you

I'm Going to Miss P.T.

Brunswick Street boy was, on the tram, all dressed in black. We got on at the same stop and stood in the doorway of the crowded tram. He's an ugly cute. How he fills those pants, though... The Italian brothers have it. You just know what's in there, I think, as I look down. His gaze follows mine. He smiles awkwardly, as my eyes come back up to his. Quizzical. He turns his head to the side and tries to stop a smile spreading across his face, but it spreads none the less. He pulls his body back, as if to say I now know the score. My eyes slide back down to what his mummy gave him as a boy – bunched between his legs, pushing out with more than my imagination. Pushed to the left, lying sideways like a Kransky sausage, covered in worn, black denim. He's blushing, when I look back up – soft, pink, smile. Coy. If I lean forward the 30 centimetres between us and touch it, would you stop me? my smile says.

I think I'd let you, if you didn't tell anyone, his nervous eyes, reply.

I'd make you cum my gaze says.

I want to cum with you, his return stare says.

He has a set of eyes on him, though, deep like pools. You could swim in them, feel them lap at your face, wet your mouth, have them flow down your chest, fill your cupped hands with longing, as his lips, shiny and wet, touch mine..

Pull his shirt over his head, watch his face change from questioning to acceptance, at the first flush of his bare skin. Smooth. Warm. Feel him squirm. Feel him leaven with desire. Reciprocate. The rest of the world fades to black, as my hands slide onto him, warm, soft, dark and hairy.

How warm would his skin be to the touch?


"Excuse me!" says an impatient voice.

A mouse-coloured, rat-faced receptionist standing to my left with a cat’s arse under her nose, is glaring at me. I want to laugh, ask her what the stink is, that has made her face contort so, but she isn't entertaining anything other than her selfish needs. The skin is so tight on her face, fixed in a grimace, I want to touch it with my finger tips. Pointy nose. Pointy chin. She has a waxy, beige sheen. Her eye brows raise and her head tilts sideways. Clearly, I haven't got out of missy's way fast enough. "Exca'use me!" she says again, sighing and rolling her beady eyes. "I would like to be able to get off the tram."

I look over at Brunswick Street Boy, he smiles and looks to the ground.

"Where's the fire?" I ask.

"You are standing in the doorway... after all!" she says, as if exasperated. I think she is too young to be dotting her i's and crossing her t's in quite such a clipped, school maamish way.

"The tram hasn't even stopped, yet," I say. At which point, the tram suddenly puts on the brakes and Rat-faced Receptionist plummets head first into Brunswick Street Boy, who is gallant enough to catch her. I would like to think I would have stepped out of her way precisely at that moment, if I could have thought about it and it wasn’t an instinctual move. She catches me laughing, as she folds herself out into an upright position again.

"You think that is funny," she says spraying on the F, as her lips stick to her teeth, as her eyes turn into balloons.

"I'm not longer in your way," I say. I smile.

She does not.

 

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Olive (the) Python

Back to the Saltmines

The irony is that I had a worse head ache today than I did yesterday - as I didn't, actually, have one yesterday. What the? Hurting behind my eyes, annoyingly so. And, I am out of mersyndol, too. Great! I guess I've got to go to work with pain with no relief. Life is sooooo unkind. Everybody should get relief.

After I had left, yesterday, my work colleagues thought they could smell gas in the office, so they called in the maintenance man. They decided that was probably the reason for my headache, that I was, seemingly, overcome by toxic chemicals, of some sort. Ha, ha!

Everybody was asking me if I was all right, when I got there today. Everyone was asking if I felt okay.

I do lead a, somewhat, charmed life. Where yesterday's head-home was just a stomp out the door, the universe acted to give me an alibi for my lie. Not that I needed one, but there you are, I had one anyway.

 

He's Just Beautiful





He stood in front of me in the black jocks I'd bought him. Sexy as. Just beautiful.

"New jocks make me horny," he said, as we started to kiss.

I couldn't help myself and I had my hands in his new briefs in no time. He'd made a mess in them in no time after that.

Sexy boy.


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Another Sickie





I felt like a joint and felt like not being at work, so I pulled a migraine and went home, around lunch time. I just suddenly felt antsy at the thought of sitting there all afternoon. I didn't even try for any pretence. I've got a head ache, I'm going home.

David and I had a laugh about it. "To tell you the truth, I felt like pot and not work." I tried to call Shane, as David was threatening to tell him that I'd skipped school for a joint, but David called first and got a rather dour Shane saying, "I’m in a meeting, is it important?" on the other end, which, somehow, seemed funnier than David telling him anything. David & I both broke up laughing.

"What the hell was with you too?" said Shane when he got home.

I had a little nap for the afternoon.


Blue-Blooded Barbie Doll






I sometimes look around the lift in the mornings and think, cunts, every one of you. Often, it's just me and the girls, all shorter than me, like being buried up to my neck in sand. Regularly, I am the only male in a lift full of females, all clutching their bags, all gazing up at the floor numbers, with a thick, fresh face on - spak filled and lacquered. I think my cock retracts at the thought, realisation, observation xx the stronger sex - feeling like a pelvic floor exercise as the turtle retreats back into his shell. (Even red-blooded boys do - they may not want to fuck us, but they sure want a healthy dose of Y around to remind them of their pack. Boys like boys around them. It's true. Mates. Buddies. Give us a hug!) How many pelvic floor exercises does it take to make a man grow a clitoris?

I cast my eye around the lift and wonder how many have a little spoof burn at the backs of their throats, from the mornings au voir, or have a wet itch in their lingerie, from frisky boyfriends who just couldn't be dissuaded? All those beavers tucked away behind lace and nylon; pink, lemon and white. Sprayed and dusted; lavender, musk and orange blossom. Plucked and manicured; poked at and pushed at to be perky.
I glanced up at the floor numbers changing slowly on the green digital display and breathed in deeply, holding it on full breath.

The longer I stayed in that lift with those woman, the closer I became to being a Barbie doll, all smooth down there.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

See ya






There is a guy at work who suffers from clinical depression. Last week, he had a bit of a melt down, at work and had to be sent home. There he was crying, sitting on the floor, by the lifts, when I got to work. All he needed was a big nappy to complete the picture. Now he's off on a few weeks of stress leave.

Today, I found out, that he has been scaring some of the girls, of late, by looking at guns on the internet. Yay!

Guns? What the? He's a nice guy, I like him. But, I hope I'm gone before he comes back, to tell you the truth. I'm hoping that he is off on quite a few weeks stress leave.

The Pencil...

Little Margaret Mary was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

'Tell me Margaret Mary, who created the universe?'

When Margaret Mary didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Margaret Mary.

The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Margaret Mary,

'Who is our Lord and Saviour?'

But Margaret Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Margaret Mary in the butt with the pencil.

Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Margaret Mary and the Nun once again said,'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question. 'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Margaret Mary jumped up and shouted,

'If you stick that fucking thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted.


Monday, July 28, 2008

KISS
THIS
Mr Kennett!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Sunday Sunday

I decided to build a fire, it is a cold, wet Sunday. The red wood woodpile looks beautiful wet and glowing orange and red, like a beautiful sunset, or driftwood. Flames. Or molten, amber glass. I think there was even steam. It seemed such a pity to burn any of it. But the ground was freezing and I had gone out there with no shoes on, what was I thinking? It was like standing on ice, as I admired the hues of the lumber, jumping from one foot to the other.

Toes commencing sensory shut down. Balls of feet freezing over.

A lazy day at home. Washing. Writing. Looking at a few blogs.

Max still hasn't made contact. Grrrr! And I've smoked the entire packet of mixing cigarettes I bought in anticipation. Rats! How quickly it all slides down the toilet.

I love rainy Sundays, they are some how soul satisfying. Hopeful in their quiet reassurance. A pause. Stop. Maybe, they take me back to childhood. Maybe, they are unpressured in their very nature, nothing has to get done, other than sustenance and warmth. Like being in the womb? The day the pressure is let out of the balloon, if just for a moment.


Some hours later...

Max called. Crisis over.

Swagger. Black hair. Big, brown eyes. Cheeky smile. Confidence for days. Nothing is a problem. Turns up when he turns up, no excuses. "I got caught up with Stella and her brother George." He pulls his hands back towards his crotch, several times. "Friday night." Smiles. Handsome. Flawless, olive skin. The whites of his eyes glow, seemingly, with his smile, as he winks his goodbye.


Who wouldn't have sex with Josh Lawson? Thank God you're here, I'd say to him.

I realised that I could, actually, run my life from my bedroom, judging from this weekend, such is the state of my social life.

 

Saturday, July 26, 2008

And Rugby Players





The Rest of Saturday

I took my mum to the movies. It was either Batman, which I wanted to see, The Savages, which David and Margaret gave good reviews to, or Mama Mia, thinking mum might like it. Mum said she'd be fine with Batman, but some how I didn't think it was, really, her kind of movie. The Savages won, it was the first movie to start after I got to her place. A discerning film goer, I realise. It was okay. Bleak, might be a good word to describe it. Interesting, maybe? And funny, black. It made me laugh out loud. Dark, though. It's about a brother and sister, who have to take on the care of their father with dementia. It was a bit like playing Airport 79 as in-flight entertainment, though, as my mother has the beginnings of alzheimers.

Followed by a home cooked "early tea." - chops, 3 veg, ice cream, chocolate biscuits for days, pot of tea.

The day was overcast, the traffic busy. The rain was just starting to sprinkle to the ground. I hot-footed it home. I felt like driving fast, not sure why? Maybe, it was the dim lit afternoon?

I wasted the rest of the day on You Tube. Zap. Gone. Patti Labelle, Some where over the rainbow, Live Aid 1985, do yourself a favour, one of the greatest vocal performances ever. Chaka Khan, Whitney Houston. Enrique Iglesias singing to a gay fan, in London. Very cute. Gay Chicken. Straight boys doing gay for pay. Some young gay guy, Prophet something, really engaging. Coming out stories. The day was over. Fuck me, I thought, as I watched the clock tick nearly over to Sunday. How did that happen? That would be like 6 hours.

Oh yes, I ran out of pot and started smoking cigarettes again. Weak as fucking piss, I also realise. Max never answered - I'll smack his hot, Greek arse for him... I was texting him as I was saying good bye to my mum. Nice, huh. I even made some comment about getting petrol - before I realised what I was doing, I swear - and I scored fifty bucks out of her. I won't need to buy petrol before I see her again, I knew that as the words fell out of my mouth.

That's it. Good night. Saturday night, into bed by midnight. I'm going to have to seriously re-prioritise my life. 


Hey, it's Saturday. 9am Means Shit!

I could go and work as a writer in Cambodia, on a newspaper. Luke met up with the editor, who is crying out for writers. Luke just text me. All I'd have to do is turn up, pretty much. It's really tempting. Even if I did it for a year, it would be fantastic. A year in Phnom Penh would have to be amazing, even if Luke, pretty much, hated it. It would be pushing the boundaries, you have to say that. Something to open my eyes... and not just choosing the safe option, all the time.

What is it with cats? Do they have some sort of perverse sensory detector? I go up stairs and there is Missy, who isn't often in my room, curled up on my favourite black jumper, which I would never leave on the floor, this is probably the first time, ever.






My eyes welled up and a tear ran down my cheek as I read about the hole tearing in the side of Qantas QF30, and the heroic drama that ensued to an emergency landing in Manilla. We're all turning into drama junkies. Life is just one crisis after another, thank you CNN.

It's funny with these high profile drug cases. Those not familiar with drugs would gasp as chemicals with funny names were read out. Those familiar with drugs think, Well, he was having a fine old time, now wasn't he. Meth and K...

Ah coffee, the newspaper, Saturday morning.


Friday, July 25, 2008

Green House Folly?

Why, exactly, is the Rudd government going so full on into carbon emission prevention, when the three biggest polluters of the world's atmosphere, China, India and America have no interest, what so ever, in doing the same?

Australia's carbon emissions are 1.5% of the worlds emissions and any change we make, even if we stopped emitting carbon all together, it would have no impact on the world's climate.

Mr Rudd please don't lose sight of reality, for all the shit politics is. I have absolutely no interest in paying more for everything just so you guys can look like you are doing a good job.

Why does this just suddenly feel like a whole bunch of new taxes?


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Time off





Okay, I've got six months off, they jumped at it, said they were very pleased I wasn't leaving. Yeah, right. Pleased not to have the recruitment costs, more likely. I have to work for a month for my boss, in November. I got back, if I go back at all, on April 1st, I thought it was, kind of, fitting.

It's not nearly as adrenaline pumping as quitting and walking out, but I can always do that in six months. No, it wouldn't be quite the same, I grant you, although it would, ultimately, have the same effect.
Okay, this is the soft option. Safe. Yes, safe. I took the soft option. I know, I rail against safe. Call me a marshmallow, see if I care. Stick you hands in your armpits and wave your elbows about whilst clucking, it, actually, becomes you.
What do I care, in a few weeks I'll be able to do anything I want. Get up? Sleep in? Breakfast in the Fitzroy Gardens? I already have a growing pile of books I want to read.
Bye, bye salt mines!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Cold Wednesday




Only one seat vacant, I spy, as I turn away from the ticket machine, freshly minted ticket in hand. Boy in a beanie. Cute. Ipod. Handsome, from what I can see. I head straight for him. He's encroaching a little onto my seat. That's okay, I like that in a boy. Warm leg, I love it, I don't miss an opportunity. Mine fitted nicely into the concave of his thigh - you know, on the side, just behind his knee. I pushed it right against his, as I sat down. I held it there. He didn't flinch, didn't move. He was nice and warm. Strong. Comforting. It reminded me of having a boyfriend, what I miss. I was tempted to rub his leg with mine, but I resisted.

Do you know that people thank the tram driver, as they get off. It's a funny, old fashioned notion, now isn't it. "Thank you driver." I suspect it's all the Christians trying to worm their way into heaven, indiscriminate acts of kindness, making up for the non-Christian lives they, actually, lead. Or is it the obsessive compulsives marking off their mental check lists. The terminally disliked desperately attempting to shore up some favour. The sexually addicted trying to get a cheap, morning thrill? Even a suggestion. Titillation - the sexually addicted come cheap.

I grunt, if that, like all good commuters should. Yeah. Cheers. Thanks a lot. There's a job well done. Good onya mate.

I feel good walking down Bourke Street - cars hungrily taking up as much room as they can on the road. CBW is nearly finished, so soon I won't have to walk down the middle of the road because the footpath is blocked off to pedestrians because of the continuing construction work. I wonder how they get away with such a safety breach.

It's the first time, in a number of years, that I haven't felt miserable in this proximity to work. I've felt happy ever since I resigned. I'm getting a hint of freedom and I want to taste more. Today, I've decided to go for the 6 months Leave of Absence option. Against my better judgement, really. Then I'm not changing my life, just having a break. (My still small voice thinks I have wimped out, but I'm ignoring it) Maybe, aim for another 6 months off, once the first 6 months is up. Maybe never return, at all. But first, I am going to convert the resignation to a L.O.A.

There is a whistle on my lips and a skip in my step, as I saunter down Bourke Street.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

you tarzan





Wet Tuesday

David appears at the study door, this morning, with a zoosh sound effect and a hand flurry, just as I'm turning my computer off. He says that is the sound of Siberia, it is so cold.

I'm heading along Gertrude Street and it is freezing. I call David, to confirm with him that it is, indeed, Siberia outside.

"The wind is like razor blades cutting through my clothes."

He laughs. "I told you."

"It really is Siberia, out here," I said. "You won't want to leave the house."

"I don't intend to."

8.33am. A tram is on its way up Gertrude Street, from Smith. Is it the empty one, I think. Is it the empty one? I always aim for the empty one, without so much luck. It glides in next to me and I see, pretty quickly, that it is, clearly, not the empty tram – there is a tram around 8.30 that will appear empty amongst the busy trams. Don't know why, it is a phenomenon. The 8.30 tram syndrome – must be something to do with coming between the tail-end of the early people and the beginnings of the late people. The empty tram must be the eye of the storm.

This should have been the empty one, I think, the time is about right. I would have got on. May be it was the tram before? I look back down Gertrude Street. I remain on the footpath, slack-jawed, but not moving toward the open tram-car's doors. They are in there like sardines. Jesus! I'll walk instead of fighting with the morning punters. 8.35am, what do I care if I am late. It makes no never mind, any more.

How many more sleeps?

I catch the tram at Spring Street. As I turn the corner into Bourke, I could run for the 86 sitting at the stop, ready to go, but decide not to be hypocritical. I'm often critical of the morning punters who just keep running for trams at tram stops; eventually they have to think of the other people, whose rides they are slowing down, just so they can be the one-more-person squeezed on. I steady myself and wait for the next tram.

The next tram is one of the very new yellow, borrowed from the French, trams and I'm secretly pleased about that. I purve at the hairy chest on the pretty boy in a suit with no tie, standing by me, until a seat becomes vacant and I forget all about Tarzan's chest... stubble. A seat that wouldn't be a seat at all, in the other new trams. Standing space only. So, I'm secretly pleased about that, too, getting to sit in a completely new seat on a Bourke Street tram. You don't get to do that every day.


The Gay Agenda






A conscious vote on gay reproduction? A political debate on gay adoption rights. The federal government said they would veto any move by the ACT to introduce gay marriage.

Who do our, predominantly Christian, politicians think they are?

Like our future is dependant on their whim? Belief system?

I say...

Fuck their husbands. Suck their brothers. Kiss their fathers. Wank their sons. Until we get what we want - we'll settle for equal rights, thanks. But, whatever it takes. The end justifies the means, as they say.

I love the way they say the "gay agenda" as though we want something special.

We already have the power to recruit your straight boys, with the tried and true method of a couple of pots too many down the pub. By the time we're finished, they'll be lucky if we don't make it compulsory.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Hello HR





OMG! At 16.27, 6 days after I resigned, Tinkerbell from HR finally came and did what HR are meant to do.

Tinkerbell, an HR manager finally came to see me, today. She said I was absolutely a valued employee. She said that I would be terribly missed and asked why I was leaving. She then said, Why don’t you take 6 months off without pay. I had thought of it. I could still resign after 6 months.

The problems with that are, there is no real psychological break, where it is all over and I have to think about what I want to do in the future. Leave without pay is just an extended holiday, when it all comes down to it. I would be in real danger of ending up 6 months in a pot bag – after all, I’m not really unemployed, just on a break.

But, you know, what’s actually wrong with that? (if it really came to that. I hope not, but I've worked hard for the last five years.

But also, if this does turn out to be a hissy fit, it wouldn’t turn out to be a complete loss, I could just head back to work, come February.

Is a leave of absence wimping out and not making a decision?


Sunday, July 20, 2008

Weekend Football




Kiss me, you mad, impetuous boy!

So You Think You Can Dance

We went out to Rod Laver Arena, to see, So you think you can dance, stage performance. David organised it. I told you he was addicted; addicted to the show like a teenager. It was once crystal meth, his addiction of choice. But, now it's spirituality, yoga, and his original love, dance. It's spirituality cards and dance programs and everything to do with So you think you can dance. So we all tagged along.

Not that we hadn't watched the show. We all have.

David and the guy he has been, seems to be sneaking in quietly, seeing, Charlie. Me and Mark. Shane and Matt. All us boys went. Mark and I, Shane and Matt walked. David met us there with Charlie. We left half an hour to walk it, which got us to our seats just as the show was starting. Literally. (I like to catch aeroplanes the same way, just for the record) David looked over at us, just as the lights were going down and smiled broadly and clapped his hands.

The show was good, all our favourite performances were recreated. Mark cried at his favourites, I think David did, too.

I want to lick Henry, marry Jack and slide a well lubed finger up Graham's arse.

The place was full of girls, lots of girls. Gaggles of girls. All hair product and make up. Lots of peroxide. Then there were girls and their boyfriends, in the next most popular demographic. Some cute boy friends too. They looked like they were enjoying it too; Y gen.

I forget what looks a group of gay boys get in a, predominantly, straight audience. Warm smiles, really. And laughs, apparently, when Shane said, "Well, it was all worth just to have seen Henry's arse." You know, just like you do, as you are heading out.

Big arena. Lofty ceiling. Bright lights. We all herded squinty-eyed out into the night.

“Let’s go home for joints,” I told David. “I broke down and bought some pot.”

David grabbed me by the shoulder, concerned. “But that’s the beginning of the end,” he said. "We all know that, if you are giving up work."

David and Charlie drove - there's no secret to why those two are the fattest. We walked home in the shiny black night. The MCG was lit up like a space ship, rising up over the elms. The shadows broke across the footpath through the gardens, soft under the moon's white light.


The morning. Oh, my aching head. Whose idea was the pot? Idiot.

There is a bird sitting on top of my bedroom roof that is repeating the same call over and over and OMG! over again. I was just fantasising about how it would be if I was a rock star.

"Sweetie, sweetie. There is a bird on my bedroom roof. Annoying!" I would whisper into my mobile phone to my PA. from under my doona. "Far too out of it this end to do anything about it. Can you take care of it? Please?"

The thing is driving me nuts! It's like hooty-Owl. Seriously, about now, I'd like a Blackhawk Helicopter to descend and take it out with a machine gun. Remind me to kick Missy when I see her fat arse skulking around the kitchen next.