His Mother Did A Good Job On Him

Mark 12:15:15  Mark: hehe......your kidding yourself if you think you look anything like Christian Bale anymore....but Sam, on the other hand…

...sitting here in the fog in Sapa.....bugger.....back to hanoi tonight on the clackety clackety.....then Ronnie leaves early saturday morning.....not happy....Dungar has had a lovely time, he's had us in Hysterics.....he know says Gaaaarn get fucked....like a real bogun...

I read the first line of that message and sighed, deflated. That old chestnut. I guess, I’m a bit sick of Mark and his fat put downs. I don’t even think that he thinks he is helping, (you know, by bringing it up constantly somehow might help me) because he’s not thinking, he is just repeating the mantra that he learnt from his weight-fascist mother.

You know if I didn’t love him dearly, I’d just think it was cruel and unkind, what amounts to a unwarranted put down. 

I’ve got to listen to him repeat-cycling his dysfunctional relationship with Luke and pretend to be interested. Oh, I don’t mean that, but his complaints/concerns/trouble with Luke haven’t changed an iota in 10 years. And yet, the weight fascist in him can’t help but mention the fact that I have put on a couple of kilos since we were together. (and he hasn’t?) It is kind of disheartening, you know, just makes me feel, oh, in a kind of deflated way.  Good thing I no longer need to rely on him for my self-esteem. 

Funny, all the girls, I know, pretty much reply when I say I have gained weight. “Oh Christian, are you just fishing for a compliment? I wish I had put on weight like you. Where? Seriously.” 

The queens? You know, if they can divert their interest from themselves for a moment, they might comment in a bitchy way, but only if they can stop thinking about what they look like themselves.

In fact, it is really only Mark who says this. 

I decided not to message him back. 

We watched The Project. We ate fried rice for dinner.

I sat in the lounge after dinner and tried to think of lovely men. There are lots of women that have the loveliness about them. Judi Dench, Joanna Lumley, Helen Mirren, Julie Walters, Meryl Streep, Randy Crawford. It was harder than you think of guys.

Kevin McLeod – he was on The Project tonight.

David Attenborough

Brian Cox

Sam Pang

You could probably add Michael Parkinson to that list. But it is hard to come up with many, harder than you think.